It is a fair comment to say that when a woman is not happy in her relationship, her needs are not being well-considered. It is often part of women’s nature to put the needs of their partner and children first. However, women can self-sacrifice only for so long. Relationships sometimes undergo challenges brought about by the changes women make so their needs are better considered. Often, the men involved are bewildered by the changes their partner is making, as they may not have changed, and they thought the relationship was travelling OK.
Women want their partner’s attention focused on them - for their partner to really listen to them, especially how they are feeling, and to be supported in expressing themselves.
It is more helpful for men to show that they understand how their partner is feeling and to respond to their needs, than it is to problem-solve, debate the accuracy of her statements, criticise or react defensively.
When women believe their feelings have been truly heard, they are in a better position to let go of hurt and understand their partner’s perspective. Men may have to guess at what women are feeling when they are not talking or communicating indirectly.
Men need to learn to reflect women's feelings in a number of ways until women feel they have been really heard.
Women have a strong need to feel secure in their relationship – to feel safe and protected, and to know their partner is faithful and committed to them.
Women need to know they are the number one priority to their partner - that her partner will put the relationship first, even before work. It is not only important for their partner to be connecting well with them, it is also important their partner is connecting well with the children, family and friends. Women like to be affirmed with sincere compliments, and to know they remain beautiful to their partner.
Romance and affection are also important where men recognise their partner as special and wonderful, and shown through ways like loving touches, kisses, hugs, small gifts, flowers, and love notes. Such affection and cherishing is important on a consistent basis and not just at those times when men want to make love or are trying to reconcile after an argument.
Women need to be supported and encouraged by their partner in their personal and work-related goals, whether these are their personal interests, their desire to undertake a course of study, or pursue a particular field of work. Women, like men, also need to be trusted, respected and liked. It is also important for both men and women to have fun, both together and also apart.
Some men find their partner has distanced herself emotionally from the relationship and appears unwilling to recommit. These men sometimes meet resistance to changes they make to consider their partner’s needs due to their partner’s need for her painful feelings to be fully acknowledged. Other times, women will watch their partner’s efforts to maintain change over time before re-engaging. However, a man's best chance at influencing his partner to recommit, as well as to get his own needs considered, is to act in ways considerate of what his partner is needing.
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