Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good, Healthy Relationship
• Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.
• Let one another know what your needs are & be able to communicate them assertively. You aren’t psychic & neither is he/she.
• Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all of your needs - some needs will be met outside of the relationship.
• Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept differences that you see between your ideal (how you would like things to be) & the reality (how they really are).
• Expect conflict - be willing to negotiate & compromise on the things you want from one another.
• Perspective-taking & empathy - try to see things from the other’s point of view and to accept them. You don’t have to agree to respect and understand differences.
• Realize that healthy relationships take continual work and effort to maintain. When differences come up, try to negotiate.
Healthy Romantic Relationships
Here are a few of the factors to consider as you take your “relationship temperature:”
• How well do you and your partner listen to each other? When you and your partner talk, do you look each other in the eye and really hear what you are each saying, or is one of you already planning a response before the other has finished talking?
• How willing are you to take responsibility for your role in your relationship? Most people are good at finding fault in others; particularly those with whom they are in relationship. How capable are you of both identifying your relational limitations and working to change them?
• Have you been willing to make compromises for your partner? Both in a general way and in your daily routine, are you conscious of your partners’ likes and dislikes, sensitivities and emotional needs? Likewise, is your partner willing to make compromises for you? In order for a relationship to be balanced and healthy, each person needs to assert his or her own needs and be responsive to those of their partner.
• Do you and your partner recognize the qualities you enjoy and appreciate about each other? Are you able to express these things, or does either of you leave them unsaid? Over time, couples have a tendency to take each other for granted, not realizing that recognition, appreciation and affection need to be regularly exchanged, in whatever way works for both partners.
• Conversely, when you and your partner disagree, are you able to express your concerns without feeling cut off or worried about how your partner will react? If you are both able to express concerns, are you able to do so gently and respectfully or does either of you become harsh or ridiculing? How you express the things that bother you matters at least as much as what your concerns were in the first place. While each of these factors is distinct, together they share common themes: mutual respect, openness and consideration .
Take time to consider this: your care, attentiveness & respect in your romantic relationship are the gifts that matter most every day.
Important Aspects for Healthy Relationships
Mutual Respect : Do I treat the other person as if he/she is of value?
Compassion : Do I have genuine concern for the issues that cause the other person concern?
Empathy : To what degree am I able to allow myself to be open to what he/she feels?
Understanding : Do I try to understand the other person, what they say or do? Acceptance Can I feel I am OK the way I am? Do I accept him/her as he/she is?
Honesty : Is the relationship built on truthfulness, or are there games involved?
Trust : To what degree am I willing to let the other person know private aspects of my thoughts, feelings,& life?
Good Communication : Can we talk freely about issues that are important to the relationship? Do we know how to talk so we each are understood and sharing is safe?
Consideration: Am I mindful of the other person’s needs as well as my own?
Compatibility Mutual Enjoyment : To what extent do we like and value the same things? In areas of disagreement, are we able to agree to disagree?
Personal Integrity Vulnerability : Am I able to maintain my beliefs and sense of self as well as offer my time and attention to the relationship? To what degree can I let down my barriers and allow the other person to see my perceived weaknesses, without fear of negative reactions from them.
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