AGE DIFFERENCE IN MARRIAGE - AGE GAP ISN'T AN ISSUE FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS BUT THEN IT CAN BE

Marriage age difference is a common issue, so don't miss out on anything I've said on the topic. Don't worry, as you click away this page will remain open so you can come back to it.

So assuming you've read part 1 of age gap relationships, part 2 starts below.

Should Age Difference in Relationships even be an Issue?
We hear people say all the time that "age is just a number" that what matters the most in a relationship/marriage is love. However in reality age is not only a number. Many have chosen to walk away from a very promising relationship because they couldn't take the age gap between them and their love prospect.

Personally I think people give too much relevance to age differences. And some of their reasoning doesn't even make sense.

For example sometime ago my elder sister and I were on the topic of age difference in marriage and she said she couldn't marry a man she was one day older than but she could marry a man that was one day older than her. Is there any justification to that? I wonder. Is it that knowing that she is older than the man at all will prevent her from being submissive to him?

But that's not all. She went further to add that the maximum marriage age difference she could take was 3 years. That is she couldn't marry a man more than 3 years older than her! Again what justifies that?

But how do I feel about age gap relationships, marrying someone younger than me or someone much older than me?

While I'd prefer it that a man I'd marry be older than me because that's what's expected and it's the tradition, I personally don't mind if I'm older than a man with reasonable number of years. I emphasize reasonable because a woman being older than a man with 10, 20 years is just not reasonable to me. That almost feels to me like dating a son.

However of course I can marry a man 10 to even 15 years older than me. But there are clauses attached to these two scenarios for me.

If I am older than the man, I will only be comfortable in the relationship if the age difference is only known to us. That is the man shouldn't look younger than me. It shouldn't be obvious to people when they see us that I'm older.

And if a man is much much older than me, he must not look his age. For example, I will say yes to a 50 years old man even though I'm in my very early thirties but that looks 35 or even looks 40. But a 50 years old man that looks 50 or 55 is a No for me.

Yes, appearance doesn't affect the success of a relationship directly however it does indirectly; at least for me anyway. For me it's important that I be proud of the appearance/presentation of the person I'm romantically involved with to fall in love or remain in love. If I'm not proud of his appearance then I can become easily irritated by him, become arrogant unnecessarily and that will lead to regular arguments which wouldn't help the relationship.

So age difference matters in relationships when it matters to one of the parties to be involved in the relationship because it may not seem like that, but as long as it bothers one of them, then it's likely to gradually lead to serious problems in the relationship. So it's right what one of the fans of Nigerian Weddings Guide said about the matter on our Facebook page:

I think it's a personal thing. Sometimes, people find love and happiness in the strangest of places.
Age difference in marriage is a personal matter. But it's more than that. I mean aside that even though it doesn't seem there's any justification for it everyone has a right to what they can take and can't take about a potential marriage mate, age gap can be a very good reason to turn down a relationship.

When Age Difference Matters in Marriage Relationships
If the man isn't comfortable and always raises the issue.

If the man is younger and acts his age. Meaning he lacks the necessary maturity the relationship requires to be successful. After all it takes a man to build a home not a boy.

If the woman just can't submit to a man she's older than. I've had a few girls tell me they just can't respect a man they're older than. While I think that's crazy, if you're the woman and that's how you really feel then it's better not to even go into such relationship at all.

If the man is younger and also does far less financially than the woman. It can still work as you've seen from some successful stories featured in part 1 of the topic of age difference in marriage. But be rest assured you, if you're the woman, will have to be willing to be very humble. Even at that I'm sure there will still be problems resulting from a combination of the age difference and being richer than the man.

When the man is just too many years older than you especially when you're barely an adult. Like a 17 year old girl in serious relationship with a 32 years old man. They are in different levels of their lives therefore what appeals to the 17 year old will almost irritate the 32 year old. For a relationship of that kind to work, the man must be willing to let go a bit of the girl. Give her the room to be free to do some of the things are age mates are doing without feeling like she now has another father breathing down her throat all the time. And while at it try not to call her a child or treat her like one please, they never want to hear that!
Younger Women Marrying Much Much Older Men
Yes it's normal that the man be older than the woman. That's the tradition. But some age difference almost sound like abomination. Imagine a 30 year old lady marrying a 70 year old man; sometimes even far younger women have married much older men. What's the reason behind these women's decision to marry men old enough to be their father and sometimes grandfather?

Often these women do this for the emotional and/or financial security. The common believe is that older men treats women better and you're more secured with them emotionally because they've been there done that. When they settle especially with a much younger lady they're ready to give them everything.

But that's just the theory. While that may be true for some of these women, I'm sure there are women who although married much older men are still dealing with insecurities emotionally and financially.

For some it may be the fatherly figure these men kind of represent. A father will protect you from everything right?

If you'll like to understand the reasons women marry much older men and the eventual realities they face, read the true stories submitted by some women who married much older men.

The Most Important Factor for a Successful Relationship
Age is actually just a number. It becomes a big deal when you or your potential other makes it one. I keep saying it that the most matured relationship I've ever had was with a guy I was over 3 years older than. And funny enough he was against the relationship at first because of our age difference. So we remained friendships and he started dating someone else. But he decided to give us a shot when it seemed to him that though I was older than him I seemed to be more respectful towards him than his girlfriend he was older than.

I think it's all about your mindset. If you're a woman and associate respect with age then you likely can never make it work with a man you're older than even though you love him. I believe the reason age gap doesn't often bother me is because personally I don't agree that respecting people should have anything to do with their age. Everyone deserves respect even a day old baby. If you can accept that then you'll know that a man you're in a relationship with is suddenly head over you. And when God instituted marriage and made the man the head over the woman he didn't conditioned it to age, like the man can only be the head over his wife if he's older than her. Once a man is your husband even if 20 years younger he's your head and you should submit yourself to him.

Be in subjection to one another in fear of Christ. Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord. Because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a saviour of this body.
Ephesians 5:21-23 New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures
But marriage doesn't just happen out of the blue, it starts with a relationship, then courtship and these levels of relationships are practice for you, to prepare yourself for when you get married.

So your man is your head whether or not you're yet to be married to him. If you can't see him as that now, you can't see him as that even after being married.

And if you're like my sister and have decided that you could only marry a man older than you with a few years, keep in mind that women usually age faster than men. I remember what my mother said to my sister when she said that then, my mother told her to shut up that doesn't she know that women often age faster. That marrying a man only a few years older than you will make you look older than him in only a few years after marriage.

For a successful relationship and eventual marriage when picking a love mate what is important is whether or not you honestly love the person and then whether or not the person has the necessary maturity for your relationship. You would think that every 35 year olds will be more mature than every 25 year olds. But unfortunately that isn't the case. There are a lot of mature people age wise that aren't mature in character. And such maturity is important for the person to be able to show understanding, consideration, tolerance and know how to deal with issues when they arise in other to continue to maintain love and trust that exists between you.

Aside love and good character everything else will eventually fade. No matter how young you are now, your beauty will fade someday and so is that of the other person. And if it's for money, when you eventually have it you'll start to seek for what's really important, friendship and love between couples.

So except you're overly traditional about age difference in marriage and therefore just can't stand age gaps or you can't just be submissive to a man you're older than then there's no reason age difference should affect the success of a relationship and eventual marriage.

 

 

THE HUMAN MIND IS A WONDERFUL MASTERPIECE, BUT CAN ALSO BE A DANGEROUS MASTER

The Human Mind is a wonderful masterpiece that has immense potentials. Most of the potentials, however, remain unused at most people, since it is not us who are in charge of things, our Mind takes control of us. Our Mind is rushing through life with us like a car running without a driver, causing us constant suffering and sorrow. But if we were able to control our Mind, our life would change completely. This mad speeding would change into a beautiful, creative dance, giving us happiness, instead of pain. The question is therefore, how we are able to take control over our Mind?

The Nature of the Mind

In order to control something, we first need to know the thing concerned¸ so we must know our Mind so as to be in charge of it. The most important thing we need to about our Mind is that it is not something that exists separately, individually, like some inanimate object. The Mind is not an object–it is a process. The process of constantly streaming thoughts. This stream of the thoughts is what we perceive as the Mind. When these thoughts disappear, the Mind disappears with them, as the two are only able to exist together. The very basic nature of thoughts is that they are in a constant move, and this motion, almost automatically, creates the Mind.

A characteristic feature of our Mind is that it keeps roaming, wandering; it operates in something like an automatic mode. Thoughts come and go all the time. If we attempt to suppress them, it is only possible with considerable efforts, and even then to a short time only. In most of our waking time, our Mind wanders either in the past or in the future, in our thoughts we deal with our experience of the past, offences we suffered in the past, or with our future plans, goals and fears.

Another characteristic of our Mind is that it constantly evaluates things. It means that we do not simply live through our experiences, but we also categorize them as good or bad. We judge everything that happens to us and everybody we meet in our lives. This permanent categorization may easily lead to a distorted perception of the world, as we evaluate our new experiences in these categories. If we find an experience negative, we will tend to keep–and reinforce–that category for similar experiences in the future. Our perception will therefore be selective, and we will only accept the stimuli that reinforces our categorization, and we tend to ignore those that fall outside our usual categories.

The third important characteristic of the Mind is that it permanently produces stories. These stories often have a disastrous end. For instance, I suddenly try to remember whether I locked the door of my home or not. The Mind immediately fabricates a whole story around the idea: I did leave it open, a burglar came, my valuables have been stolen, and the police, instead of chasing the thief, will harass me with their questions. We often experience the ends and emotional consequences of these stories. Another type of stories deals with us, who are we, what are we like, what we should do or should have done. The entirety of these stories comprises our personal histories.

A Foolish Game

Most people tend to identify with their thoughts and personal histories, that is, with their Minds. A lot of us are not satisfied with what we are, and we would like to have a better and more beautiful personal history. That is why we create a mental image of our desired personal development, and the ways of making the work of our Minds more effective.

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In order to achieve the mental image we ourselves have created, we embark on a foolish game, as we attempt to bring our Minds under our own control, and be the masters of our own development. Since we do not know the nature of the Mind, this venture is destined to failure right from the beginning.

This game is foolish, since in fact one half of the Mind attempts to bring the other half under control. Our Mind itself deems our own mental image of our personal development good. At the same time, this half of the Mind deems the other half, the one we wish to change, bad. Mental images fight against each other, trying to overcome each other, using the weapons of selective perception and story fabrication. The struggle goes on, with changing luck, all through our lives. Sometimes we believe that we are making some progress, we are improving, and a few weeks, months or years later we drop into the abyss of despair.

A lot of us play this foolish game all through our lives, because we are unable to recognize the simple fact that a Mind is unable to overcome itself. We may, perhaps, with the utmost effort, suppress what we believe is bad in us. That is, however, just a virtual victory, leading us to virtual calm and personal development, because when our power declines, the suppressed forces break out again, destroying all the temporary results that we achieved previously, washing away the results of our personal development.

The Freedom of Tolerance

Now we can see that the way leading to our control over our Minds does not lead through suppressing them. It is not possible to control the Mind in the ordinary sense of the word. Partly because it only exists in its functions and operation, and partly because there is nobody to control it. One half of the Mind, as we have seen, does not control, only suppresses the other half.

In order to be able to control our Minds, we must step outside of them. This statement may sound surprising to a lot of us, since we tend to fully identify with our Minds and their operations. As long as this identification is strong, we shall not be able to step outside the crazy dance of our Minds; we will have to merely suffer its consequences.

Nowadays, however, more and more of us begin to realize and experience that we are more than our Minds, more that our thoughts and emotions, and the personal history these thoughts and emotions build up. Our attention is no longer completely engaged by telling our personal history and identifying with that personal history, and we become more and more sensitive to the deeper dimensions of our life. We also begin to notice the breaks between thoughts, and we begin to turn towards these gates leading beyond the Mind.

In these breaks between thoughts, Mind does not work, it is not there–it simply vanishes. What is left there is the alertly watching Consciousness. If we are able to take roots in that alert Consciousness, we recognize that this watching alertness is tolerant with the Mind and its operations. We shall see that there is nothing wrong with thoughts, nothing wrong with the operations of the Mind. It is not necessary to struggle against the Mind, as it is not an enemy, only an instrument that, without control, tends to function chaotically.

We only have a chance to know the true nature of thoughts and the functions of the Mind if we detach ourselves from them, keep a distance, and do not consider them as enemies. They will reveal their secrets to the alert Consciousness, watching with affection, and we will see the subtle shades of the Mind, the games it plays and the dreams it evokes.

Controlling the Mind

This tolerant, alert, watching attitude to the functions of the Mind will give us the ability of stopping our thinking effortlessly. Once thinking has been suspended, the continuous stream of thoughts stops, the Mind itself disappears and stops working.

Now we shall not seek our own identity in an identification with the Mind, since we have found our real center, our real self, our alertly watching Consciousness. We will be aware that thoughts and the Mind have not really disappeared, they are still there, only in a dormant state. Our attitude to thoughts and the Mind will entirely change at that moment. We think when necessary, and we do not need the Mind, we put it aside. The Mind no longer dominates our life, it is not more than an obedient tool that we use or not use as we please.

That is when we realize how wonderful an instrument the Mind is, and now we are able to use it for its original purpose. And the purpose of the Mind is to serve as a means of connections, to connect us to the world to each other. Through the Mind, used with alert Consciousness, creative energies are released to the world, and create a wonderful harmony there

REACHING YOUR GOALS

In order to be successful in our lives we need to have strong self-awareness with positive thinking skills. Unlock mind power by learning you like your self-first.
Reaching your goals
If there is something that your don’t like about yourself it can be changed with a little hard work and practice. Learn the skills of subliminal learning and thinking positive to become the person you really want to be successful.

Increase your self-awareness by learning new skills and making goals. Look at yourself and decide what changes you need to make in your life. Unlock your mind power and look deep inside at the real you. Ask yourself; what don’t you as if about the way you are?

Make a list of things that you’re not happy about yourself; and where do you want to go in life. Apply positive thinking skills and be truthful to yourself in order to improve and make goals for the future that will lead you to success.

When setting goals, we sometimes have to make changes in order to succeed. Setting goals and discovering success is never easy at the start of your journey, yet sometimes it if you continue to put forth effort you will find positive results of the road.

Using your mind power to overcome negative thoughts starts with you using affirmatives to say you can do anything you put your mind to do.

Your list of goals is now on paper making them more realistic. These goals are not just something you want; they are now something that you need to work for in order to succeed. With each goal you set, decide what you can and will do to make these goals real.

It is a challenge often when you want to set goals and make them real. First, you have to review your position as it stands now before you can attract success however. For instance, if you do not like your current job then decide what you can do to make it better. Is your current job too stressful; if so then maybe you need to find ways to get rid of some stress by changing the way you do things or try for another position? Remember if you fail at one position than try another one, we learn by making mistakes.

Sometimes people choose the wrong career and need to change to another. Make one of your goals to find another career if this is the case. Making a career change could mean taking some new classes to find the right one for you.

Another goal on your list could be that you want to meet new people but not sure about how to do it. Join Church  classes in your town.

Yoga will help you relieve stress by teaching you new skills and techniques of meditation and body movements. You’ll be meeting new people who are there for the same reason so you’ll have someone and something in common to talk about as well. This will help you to meet people and learn to build up self-esteem as well. Taking Church  classes will help you become aware of all the stress you didn’t realize you had once you begin to relax more.

Relaxation has a lot to do with not being able to communicate with people and make good decisions. When we are stress to the point that it is hard to relax we can’t function on a daily basis as if we should.

Becoming aware of your weakness and making goals to improve will build up your self-awareness, which is the start of unlocking your mind power to attract success, money and friends. Once you have reached your goals you will look back and find that you have the power within you to succeed at anything. Next, start changing your attitude by thinking positive.

6 PHRASES MORE IMPORTANT THAN, “I LOVE YOU ”

“I love you.”

It’s one of the most sought after phrases in the world. The things people will do to hear someone say, “I love you” have surprised us in countless stories, movies and songs. The things people will do for someone who loves them are equally as astounding.

Why do we love hearing, “I love you” so much? Maybe its the promise of holding a place in someone’s heart, or the awakening knowledge of a new significance you hold in someone’s life. Often it’s the phrase expressed before a relationship takes it’s next step, the expression that one is loved for all their silly quirks, for their looks, for their heart, or for who they are (the good, the bad, and the imperfection). People thrive off that idea, that they are enough, that they are someone’s everything.

We love to be loved.

So why then is love such a complicated thing? Why do people who say they love each other split? Why do marriages end? Why are love songs sometimes sad? Why do broken hearts exist? How can a person who was once your everything, become a stranger, or even an enemy?

Is it because love is ultimately bad? Or even a fleeting feeling, that only some people are lucky enough to experience forever?

I believe in love. I believe in its strength and significance in relationships. But I have also learned that love isn’t always enough. You need more than love to make a relationship work. Love starts many great romances, but love alone won’t make a relationship last forever.

There are six phrases that I think are as important, and possibly more important than “I love you.” Phrases that I think we should all hear from those we are close to. Phrases that should be as important to us as a declaration of love.  

1. “I forgive you.”
I forgive you for all the things have done, or will do, that may hurt me. I forgive the way you may lash out when you are hungry, I forgive the things you may say when you’re tired after a long day. I forgive the times you didn’t even know you upset me. I forgive your big mistakes and the small ones. I forgive you for not knowing what I needed when I thought you would, or even expected you to know. I forgive you when you fall short, because I see how hard you are trying. I forgive you the way I hope you’ll forgive me because I know neither of us our perfect. 

2. “I’ll sacrifice for you.”
I’ll sacrifice my time for you. I’ll be selfless for you. I’ll stay up late with you as you learn to care for our new baby, even though I have work in the morning. I’ll hold you when you’re sick. When you are weak, I will be your strength. I’ll be there for you at 3am as readily as I would at 7pm. I’ll be there when no one else is, and I’ll be there 100%. In sickness and in health, my willingness to be there won’t change. My sacrifice is not dependent on your state of being, but rather it is there because you exist and you are someone worth sacrificing for.

3. “I respect you.”
I respect you for who you are, and not for what I feel you deserve. I respect you because you deserve my respect, not because you earned it. I’ll respect your opinions and consider your feelings. I’ll treat you like a person with your own thoughts, hopes, dreams and desires. And those thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires will matter to me the way they matter to you.

4. “I’ll support you.”
I’ll support your hopes and your dreams. I will always have your back. You can rely on me. I’ll raise you up and never tear you down. I’ll always make sure you have what you need, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I’ll lift you back up when you fall. 

5. “I’ll protect you.”
I’ll protect you from harm. I’ll protect your heart from pain. I’ll protect the idea of us. I won’t demean you. I’ll treasure you and shield you from evil, bad and ugly. I won’t let others put you down. You will be safe in my arms, safe in my hands and safe in my heart. I’ll be your safe haven, your safety net, and someone you can always trust.

6. “I’m committed to you.”
I won’t leave you. I will be here for you again and again. I’ll make this work a priority in my life. I’ll look back on our beginning, I’ll work on our now and I’ll look forward to our future because we are something that I want to last forever. 

Some may argue that if you love someone, all these things will be part of that love. That someone who loves you automatically sacrifices for you, respects you, forgives you, supports you, protects you and is committed to you.

In an ideal, perfect world, I truly believe that all these attributes come together as one and are expressed through pure and unconditional charity. It is a trait we should all strive to develop. But from my experience, we are human, and we fall short of this perfection — even towards those we love.

If true love was all that we needed, love wouldn’t be so hard and relationships wouldn’t fall apart so easy.

The truth is there are lot of people you can love, but very few relationships that you can make last forever. That’s why a person is capable of loving someone more than life, but knowing deep inside that it would never work. That is why people are capable of walking away from those they love. That is why someone can give up a life full of love for a single moment of weak and selfish pleasure. That is why people lie, steal and cheat to, from and on those they love. 

I have loved a lot of people, but I am not with those people. I am with the man who gave me more than love. I am with the man who looked past my mistakes. I am with the man who sacrificed for me. I am with a man who honors and respects me. I am with a man who takes care of me in more ways than one. I am with someone who makes me feel safe and secure. I am with someone who I know will love me through the thick and the thin, who hasn’t left nor will leave me when time are tough.

7 DEADLY SINS THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

4 warning signs that reflect the deterioration of a relationship: escalation of negativity, invalidation, negative interpretation and avoidance and withdrawal. These are the first 4 deadly sins that will destroy your marriage.

1. Escalation

When a conversation about doing the dishes ends with the topic of divorce, you experience escalation. Escalation will destroy your marriage; it creates an environment that feeds criticism and complaint. Escalation can happen quickly or over a period of time. If you find yourself entangled in rising tensions with your spouse, acknowledge that you need to put your conversation on pause and set up a time later in the day to discuss the issue. Repeat this process until you can have a conversation that you do not have to reschedule because of escalation.

2. Invalidation

When you never feel good enough, and your spouse does not seem to understand you, it may be because of invalidation. Invalidation manifests itself when you feel like you never get to explain yourself, when you are constantly cut off and when you feel like your opinion does not matter. This is a dangerous path because we all want to feel understood. If you constantly invalidate your spouse, he may be tempted to find someone who values and respects him, which in turn will lead to a host of other sins not discussed here.

3. Negative interpretation

You call your spouse at lunch and he doesn't answer, so you immediately begin to think that he is having lunch with another woman. A deployed soldier calls home and his wife doesn't answer the phone; he immediately thinks that she is cheating on him. When neutral or even positive things are said or done and a spouse quickly interprets the action as negative, a feeling of fear can permeate your home. Your spouse may be afraid to say or do anything kind or loving out of fear that the action will be taken as an act of war. A relationship where a spouse is guilty of negative interpretation will not last long. To overcome this, always assume that each word and action of your spouse has the best of intentions.

4. Withdrawal

Traditionally, guys are most guilty of withdrawal. Avoiding your spouse or a certain conversation with your spouse can become a permanent problem. Your desire to withdraw and avoid your spouse may be because you are trying to avoid another one of the seven deadly sins that will destroy your marriage. Here are a few ways that will help you to steer clear of withdrawal.

The last three of the seven deadly sins that will destroy your marriage include saying "no" to your spouse, mind reading and emotional cheating. Each of these sins is as equally deadly as the first four and will have a destructive influence on your relationship.

5. Saying "no"

Humility, love and trust are needed to be brave enough to never say "no" to your spouse. Selfishness will always be revealed as the main reason a person says "no" to her partner. Develop the habit of saying "yes" to every request of your spouse to combat the deadly sin of saying "no." As you and your spouse mutually adopt this philosophy into your marriage, the love and excitement in your relationship will grow deeper and more meaningful.

6. Mind Reading

The opposite of communication is mind reading. Assuming what your spouse is thinking and feeling can have dangerous consequences for your marriage, especially if you combine this with negative interpretation. Mind reading happens when you incorrectly guess the thoughts and feelings of your spouse. A mind reader will believe his guess is correct and act on that belief without consulting his partner. To combat mind reading, talk with each other. If you have a question, ask. If you want your spouse to do something, ask. If you want your spouse to know something, tell him. Communication is the cure for a mind reader.

7. Emotional cheating

If you find yourself sharing your hopes and dreams with someone other than your spouse you may be on the path of infidelity. Some of the other flags include, dressing up for that person, looking for opportunities to spend time together, saying or doing things that you would never say and do in front of your spouse, talking about the challenges in your marriage, wanting all your communication to be secret and you start feeling dependant on the time you get to spend with that person. The best way to avoid these types of affairs is to never be alone with a member of the opposite sex.

Each of the 7 deadly sins that will destroy your marriage continuously seek to infiltrate your relationship. Understanding what these sins are and making plans to combat them will save you the pain and sorrow that will come into your life with these sins. Do not allow escalation, invalidation, negative interpretation, withdrawal, saying "no", mind reading or emotional cheating to erode your marriage. Discuss each of these sins with your spouse and make a plan to eliminate any of them from your marriage.

DON’T LET PRIDE BE YOUR GUIDE

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3 NIV)

Every conflict that you go through in a relationship has an element of pride mixed into it. What is the middle letter of the word “pride”? I. What’s the middle letter of the word “crime”? I. What’s the middle letter of the word “sin”? I.

We have an “I” problem! “I” want what “I” want and “I” want it now, and that causes all kinds of problems. In any relationship, never let pride be your guide, because pride is the root of every other sin.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (NIV). Paul says that there are two conflict-creating kinds of pride. One of them is selfish ambition and the other is vain conceit. Selfish ambition says, “It’s all about me” and vain conceit means, “I’m always right.”

Selfish ambition causes all kinds of problems. James 3:16 says, “Where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” When you find confusion at your workplace, your church, your home, in your marriage, and even in the government, you can know that selfish ambition and jealousy are causing it.

Vain conceit is the attitude that you are always right. The Living Bible translation of Philippians 2:3 says, “Don’t live to make a good impression on others.” We do this in every area of our lives, but especially on social media. It’s a great temptation to make yourself look better on the Internet than you are.

In Galatians, Paul lists about 17 effects of living with pride. He says when we live a self-centered life, it shows up in all kinds of ways. He starts off by saying things like self-indulgence shows up in sexual immorality and wild partying and getting drunk. You would expect those things.

But most of the things on the list are actually relational sins. Galatians 5:19-21 says, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear ... quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy.... Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (NLT).

If you want to be happy in your relationships, you’ve got to have harmony. And if you’re going to have harmony, you’ve got to have humility. Never let pride be your guide.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE – UNCHANGED

What’s the purpose of living a Christian lifestyle?

Choosing to make Jesus Christ the Lord of our life changes our lifestyle dramatically. Friendships, activities, and even health issues receive careful evaluation. While we formulate reasons for the way we live our Christian lives, God’s purpose for our lives never changes.

To remain connected to God through Jesus Christ (John 15:4–8). A life that’s cut off from God withers and dies -- physically as well as spiritually. God desires to reproduce His Son’s life through our fruitfulness.
To remain faithful through persecution and to resist false doctrine (2 Timothy 3:12–17). The apostle Paul expected situations to become worse as worldly pressures increased. Our testimony and knowledge of the Scriptures arm us against any deceivers or deceptive ideals.
To present the Good News to a lost world (Mark 16:15-16; 1 Timothy 6:12) Like an athlete or soldier, we present our best efforts to further the faith. Our transformed lives compel us to share the Gospel’s impact not just for our “today,” but for our eternity.
Christian Lifestyle – Rules
Are there specific guidelines that constitute a Christian lifestyle? From theologian to theologian, any “lifestyle” list would differ. Drinking, movies, music, dancing, politics, fashion, education . . . to what degree do we shape our choices so we maintain a Christian lifestyle? “Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do...” (Romans 12:2). For one year A.J. Jacobs attempted to obey more than 700 rules and prohibitions found in the Bible. At the end of one year he confessed, “I started the year as an agnostic, and now I am a reverent agnostic.” A Christian lifestyle should never become a list of rules. We must take our attention off mandates and focus on the Man. To paraphrase, “What did Jesus do?”

Communicated continually with God (Matthew 11:25-26; Mark 6:46; 14:32)
Acknowledged the significance of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17, 26)
Obeyed the will of His Heavenly Father (Luke 22:42; John 6:38-39)
Resisted temptation by steadfastness to the Word of God (Luke 4:1-13)
Reached out to those considered hopeless and sinners (Mark 2:15-16; Luke 19:5-9)
Served others, humbling Himself before His Heavenly Father (John 13:3-5, 12-15)
Persevered in faith and love (John 4:34, John 9:4; John 17:23)
Christian Lifestyle – Inside Out
What are the outward and inward evidence of a Christian lifestyle? You can present an outward appearance of holiness daily and still serve as a poor Christian witness (Matthew 23:27-28). To live as a Christian requires having the character of Christ. A transformation must occur, as a result of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling (Galatians 5:24-25).

When we truly practice a Christian lifestyle, the inward evidence becomes obvious. God’s glory and power pours out upon all those around us. Our faith in the midst of turmoil flows from a heart given to a loving Father. Every breath carries words of compassion and affirmation to a hurting world. Those who live the Christian lifestyle live a confident life on the inside and outside.

“This High Priest [Jesus Christ] of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

LITTLE HABITS THAT STEAL YOUR HAPPINESS

You ultimately become what you repeatedly do.  If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you.  Here are a few examples of the latter that will steal your happiness if you let them:

1.  Focusing on everyone’s story except your own.

Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own.  Unfold your own tale and bring it to life.  You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming.  Incredible change happens when you decide to take control.  This means consuming less and creating more.  It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you.  It means learning to respect and use your own ideas and instincts to write your passage.

If you want your life story to soar to new heights, you’ve got to clear a path, reduce the time-sinks and burdens weighing you down, and pick up the things that give you wings.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  If you truly care about what you do and you work diligently at it, there’s almost nothing you can’t accomplish.

2.  Waiting for the perfect moment.

Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment.  Moments aren’t perfect; they’re what you make them.  So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do.  The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc.  Wake up!  These states of perfection are myths.  They do not exist.

Your ability to grow to your highest potential is directly related to your willingness to act in the face of imperfection.  You will come to succeed not by finding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections perfectly. 

3.  Working for nothing more than a paycheck.

Work without interest is imprisonment.  Even if you aren’t super-passionate about your work, you’ve got to at least be interested in it.  When you design a lifestyle in which your work is something you suffer through daily strictly to pay your bills, you end up spending your entire life wishing you had someone else’s.

Think about it.  This is your life; your work will fill a large percentage of it.  It’s not all about the money; it’s about you.  Ignore the propaganda, especially from people who say, “Don’t let your work define you.”  Reverse this message and mediate on it:  “I will do work that defines me.”  When the essence of who you are defines at least some slice of the work you do for a living, that work generates fulfillment.

Bottom line:  Interest in your work puts quality in your output and happiness in your mind.  Don’t settle for a paycheck.  Shuffle around until you find work that interests you.

4.  Harboring feelings of hate.

As Martin Luther King Jr. so profoundly said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  Truth be told, when we harbor feelings of hate, it eventually gets the best of us.  It takes control of us.  We forget why we hate, what we hate, and whom we hate – we simply hate for the sake of hating.  And then, naturally, we begin to hate ourselves too.

Everything and everyone you hate rents permanent space in both your head and heart.  So if you want to eliminate something or someone from your mind, don’t hate.  Instead, disconnect yourself, move on, and don’t look back. 

5.  Holding tight to worries and fears.

Someday when you look back over your life you’ll realize that nearly all of your worries and anxious fears never came to fruition – they were completely unfounded.  So why not wake up and realize this right now.  When you look back over the last few years, how many opportunities for joy did you destroy with needless worry and negativity?  Although there’s nothing you can do about these lost joys, there’s plenty you can do about the ones that are still to come.

You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul.  Let go of them.  Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles.  It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation.  It’s just a matter of letting go of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down.

Let go of your worries and fears, of your rage and jealousy, of your need to always be right and control others.  Let go of your pretentiousness and your need to have everything your way.  Underneath all these layers of nonsense there is a happy, productive person.  When you start peeling them off and simply appreciating everything for what it is, life can be wonderfully fulfilling.

6.  Dwelling on difficulties.

A bad day is just a bad day.  Choose not to make it anything more.  Times of adversity will inevitably affect the conditions in which you live and work; yet you don’t have to let it affect who you are and where you’re headed.  Take note of the setbacks and adjust to them, but don’t expand on them by making them a bigger part of your life.

Every day brings new lessons and new possibilities.  There is always a way to take the next step forward on the path you’ve chosen.  Events may be terrible and inescapable at times, but you always have choice – if not when, then how, you may endure and proceed onward.

7.  Constantly seeking fleeting contentment.

There are two variations of contentment in life – fleeting and enduring.  The fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring type is attained through the gradual growth of your mind.  At a glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter is far superior.

Enduring contentment sustains itself through life’s ups and downs, because through them your mind remains confident and at peace.  On the other hand, when life’s fleeting changes have the ability to ruffle your mind into a frenzy, even the most elaborate physical comforts won’t make you any happier for very long. 

8. Trying to make a big difference all at once.

If you want to make a difference in the world, start with the world around you.  Making a big difference all at once is usually impossible, and the process of trying is extremely stressful.  However, instantly making a difference in a few lives is entirely possible and usually fairly easy.  You just have to focus on one person at a time and start with the one closest to you.

Work to make a bunch of small splashes, and let the ripples spread naturally.  If you want to change a person’s mind or mood, sometimes you have to change the minds or moods of the people around them first.  For instance, if you make one person smile, their smile just might make others smile too.  In this subtle way, you can touch the masses with your thoughtfulness without stressing yourself out.

9.  Holding on to someone who hurts you.

Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.  When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don’t care about you.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine.  Do NOT strive to impress them any further.  Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them.  Nothing needs to be proven.  Do not act with any thought of them ever again. 

10.  Over-amplifying the importance of physical attractiveness.

Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on the outside is like choosing your favorite food based on color instead of taste.  It makes no sense.  It’s innate, invisible, unquantifiable characteristics that create lasting attraction.

Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the scent of cinnamon, there is an undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts you to the qualities of certain people, places, and things.  Sometimes it’s even the scars your soul shares with them that reels you in and creates the very hinges that hold you together in the long run.

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE

When we let go of wrongs, we loosen Satan's grasp on our relationships

Does your flesh seem to crawl when you come into contact with certain people? When you hear the sound of their voice, does every fiber of your being cringe? Does your chest tighten when you think of them?

Are you embarrassed to admit this is the way you feel about the person you share your life with? There is a possibility Satan has you in his grip through unforgiveness.

Identifying Our Real Enemies

Too often in marriage when there is offense and conflict, we identify our mates as the enemy. Our mates are never the enemy. If we learn who our enemies really are, we can effectively fight the battles in our marriages and rise to victory. Our real enemies are the powers of darkness and our own flesh. These enemies often go unnoticed in the heat of battle.

Our flesh seeks to please itself and cannot please God. The apostle Paul warns us about our flesh, in Romans 8:8, "Those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God."

The powers of darkness intend for all marriages to be destroyed. If you commit to God and your mate, you will wrestle with the forces of darkness. Ephesians 6:12 declares, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

When we recognize our enemies, we are more effective in loosening Satan's grip of unforgiveness.

Forgiveness Is Not

We often equate forgiveness with something warm and fuzzy. Truthfully, forgiveness is quite the opposite. Forgiveness can be quite painful when it involves someone you are madly in love with. In marriage, forgiveness is not "Don't worry about what you did, I'm fine with it and we all make mistakes." It sounds spiritual and great coming out of our mouths, but inside we are struggling with hypocrisy. We are plagued by an abyss of pain, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Forgiveness is not lip service.

These unchecked feelings can potentially become emotionally, mentally, verbally, or physically murderous. Forgiveness is not being so numb to pain that we are oblivious to reality. In marriage, when we embrace numbness our hearts transform into ice. Forgiveness is not forgetting the offense. Forgiveness is not choosing to inflict the price for the offense.

I learned to honor God with my heart and not just my mouth. We are lying when we say we have forgiven but unforgiveness still rots our souls. Satan grips and weakens us through unforgiveness. He tightens his grip through a religious spirit that says the right thing while refusing to confront the offense and heal.

Struggling to Forgive

How do you forgive someone who was never supposed to hurt you in the first place? Why forgive them? What about all the damage to your marriage and family? The best answer is you must; forgiveness was extended to you. Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15, "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." If you refuse to forgive, you operate in sin and in covenant with Satan.

These questions and declarations are hard to swallow. I have battled with them in my marriage, but I came out victorious. I battled so much with unforgiveness because I could not see my own sin. I could not see that my unwillingness to forgive was just as ugly to God as the things I blamed my husband for. The reason we battle unforgiveness is because we can only see the depravity in the souls of others, ignoring the beams in our own eyes. I won the battle of unforgiveness when I realized that I was in need of forgiveness from God and my sweet husband. I won the battle when I was willing to face the ugliness of my own heart and surrender my heart to God. I realized my enemies were my own flesh and Satan, who loves to work in my flesh. Unforgiveness is a work of the flesh, and it will remain until you crucify it on the altar of forgiveness.

We struggle to forgive because we justify our rights and inappropriately apply God's Word. Many of us have declared inwardly or outwardly, "The Bible said, 'Be ye angry.' " We forget the rest of the Scripture verse: " … and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26, KJV). If we are honest, many of us are angry and sin for days, weeks, months, years. Many of us will carry the sin of unforgiveness to our grave.

Forgiveness becomes a struggle when we seek to please our flesh. We struggle because the Holy Spirit demands that we be like Christ. God is as displeased with unforgiveness as he is with sexual sins, deception, lying, and envy. We must remember that any sin either of us could commit, Jesus paid for at Calvary. Who gave us the right to make our spouses pay for sin when we did not?

Due to the gravity of their offenses, we believe we have the authority to execute judgment on our mates. But God would never entrust vengeance into our hands. Why? Our sin-stricken souls will never view our spouses purely through the eyes of God's grace. We should be concerned for ourselves when we seek revenge on the people we promised to love, honor, and cherish. Unforgiveness unequivocally implicates the wickedness hidden in our hearts and the depravity of our own souls.

Real Forgiveness Is

Through many offenses, trials, betrayal, and calamity, I have learned real forgiveness. I have learned that the world's standards for marriage are a slap in the face to God. When we decide not to forgive, we call it "irreconcilable differences." God calls it unforgiveness. Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the only biblical sin for which there is no forgiveness. In most divorce cases, blasphemy is never mentioned.

Real forgiveness is threefold. Forgiveness means excusing the penalty for an offense, offering pardon. Forgiveness means renouncing anger and resentment. Finally, forgiveness is a choice. God gave all of us the power to choose. These definitions are simplistic, but they pack enough power to loosen the stronghold of unforgiveness. As an immature Christian, I thought I had the right to be angry and my sin was justified. It never was.

Several years ago, I went through a very difficult time in my marriage. Having experienced betrayal, my heart had grown biting cold, filled with anger, bitterness, and resentment. In hindsight, the way I treated my husband is embarrassing and was disrespectful to God's Word. There was no remorse—I believed I was the victim and my actions were justified. How much pride is that? I entered a covenant with Satan for several years, while my marriage burned to the ground. I tried everything to fix it, except forgiveness. I flirted hard with the idea of divorce.

God's grace is sufficient; God's Word eventually penetrated my heart. I experienced real forgiveness and it released me to forgive. I was on my knees in the bedroom, praying and crying to God about all the wrong that had been done. I knew it was unacceptable for me to be the victim; surely it was unacceptable to God. The next few moments humbled me into a heaping pile of humanity. God put a mirror to my face. He acknowledged my concern, rebuked me for my sins, and told me to repent to my husband. I was annihilated, but I responded in obedience.

Until then, I had hindered the move of God because I had too much pride to forgive. God has such infinite wisdom. My husband had been asking God how to bring restoration to our relationship, and God showed him that he needed to seek forgiveness from me. That day began a new chapter in our marriage as we both sought forgiveness from God and each other.

Over the years, after much struggle with the sin of unforgiveness, I learned that forgiveness is a choice. We make the decision to forgive, even if our emotions, feelings, and desires have not surrendered in obedience to God. As children of God, we are lead by faith, not feelings. When we make decisions based upon feelings, we give Satan the rope to hang us with. Real forgiveness is demonstrating what Christ did for us on the cross. Honestly, most of us have repeated the cliché "What would Jesus do?" The answer: forgive.

Loosening Satan's Grip

The devil understands the power of forgiveness. He had the opportunity to behold the glory of God and the kingdom of heaven. He has been doomed to hell and is mad and desires us to share his fate. Satan knows that forgiveness redeems and restores relationships.

Satan is employed to steal, kill, and destroy. Unforgiveness opens the door for him to hold us back. Each day we incite harsh words because of offense and inflict the silent treatment, we strengthen Satan's rope of entanglement. As the sun sets and we nurse anger, bitterness, and resentment, the devil smiles. We have embraced the power of darkness.

Satan is selfish and prideful; when we are unforgiving we act like him. Unforgiveness is laced with pride—which cost the devil the kingdom of heaven. Loosen Satan's grip and forgive. God's forgiveness propels us into salvation and restoration. Your marriage can be restored and bring glory to God.

REASONS MARRIED ME FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE A CHEATING SPOUSE OR WOMAN

Especially in an African society married men cheat all the time and they get away with it because their spouses forgive all the time but when a woman cheats it becomes a different case because me find it very difficult forgiving a cheating spouse, even when they forgive they find it difficult forgetting about the event and this makes them not to trust their spouse again . Below is a list showing five reasons men find it difficult forgiving a cheating spouse in relationships and marriages,
Here are some of the reasons why some men find it difficult to forgive a cheating wife

p.s{not my personal opinion,it’s the general opinion of most men}

1: EGO:- It certainly has alot to do with their ego being bruised. The thought that another man was able to sleep with Someone they believed they had “ownership” of breaks them to pieces as most of them think the women incapable of sex without emotions, meaning the woman loves another. Remember men are like a lioness that can kill most animals for its cubs but will not allow another animal to even play with its cubs.

2: GUILT:-If a woman cheats, the man will never forgive not only the woman but himself no matter whose fault it is. He feels he has failed as a man to protect and keep his own.

3: Men CAN’T FORGET:- When a man is making love with his wife, it is a sacred rituals the way she moan shows that his sacrifice has been accepted. So if she makes love with another man he will be thinking the temple is no more sacred and when he make love to her and she moan, it will be disgusting cause it will be like that is the way she moaned for the other guy!

4: YOU HAVE LOST HER IF SHE CHEATS:- Female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the beginning of the end of the relationship. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally. In fact a man can sleep with a woman today and not remember her again but for a woman to have sex with you(in most cases)you must win her heart to win her body.

5: HE PAID YOUR PRICE:- [for african men] I guess i gotta be blunt here. I know we call it marriage but I think women are being bought in a way. Don’t kill me yet, let’s analyze it. He buys engagement ring. Proposes to you, you accept then he decides to see your people. Your people accept him and give him a list containing heaven and earth. He agrees to pay, he pays for everything and when your parents feel they have collected enough, they hand you over to him. Then you automatically change your name(Change of ownership) which confirms that you are now his own.
I have seen where women sponsored their marriage and the men don’t care when they cheatsoI believe the day you stop asking for head-cutting bride price for us to marry then we won’t bother much, imagine paying all that money and she gives it to another man..
On a serious note. A cheat is a cheat and you can’t quantify cheating. Who is cheating doesn’t matter. Stay Faithful

TYPES OF PEOPLE THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER MARRY

It’s good to good to fall in love and get married but the level of divorce keeps increasing daily due to intolerance for a spouse habit.the best way to prevent divorce is to avoid marrying people that have traits that you can’t endure.below is a list showing why you forget about marrying that your spouse to avoid divorce.

1.Those who can never say, “sorry”
They would hurt you, annoy you, disappoint you, but would never apologise, because they believe that it would belittle and demean them. When you are wrong, you apologise to them, and when you are right, you still apologise to them, hoping that that they would change. But they never do. You start to feel irritated and agitated. The love and respect you felt for them start to wear away.

2.Those who can never say, “Thank you”
Whatever you do for them, they are never grateful. “Why should I say, ‘Thank you’ when you are just doing your duty?” Some would say that their gratitude is in their heart. Do you have to open a heart to see the gratitude and get it? Such an attitude causes irritation and frustration and unhappiness.
Such people also believe the world owes them a lot. They go around their activities with an entitlement mentality. They are difficult to please.

3.Those who have excessive libido or inadequate libido
Sexual intercourse is a very important factor in marriage, but when you have a spouse that needs it for breakfast, lunch and supper, it is difficult to have any peace in the family. Infidelity also knocks on door. On the other hand, when you have a spouse that hates sex or thinks that sex should only be had once a year during the wedding anniversary or birthday celebration, there is also trouble in the house, and infidelity is usually a challenge.

4.Men who think women are to be seen but not heard
Some men still live in the 18th century, in spite of the depth of education they profess. It is true that marriage is not a zone for feminist crusade, but if a man has archaic views about women, then, please avoid him l
These are men who still live in the 15th century. They have an archaic idea of what the role of wives is. They believe that women are only meant to cook, clean the house, bear children, and serve the men.
They believe that when the men talk, women must just obey. The man can keep mistresses, but the woman should keep quiet and not even be seen greeting a man. A woman should not work, should not step out of the house, and should not complain whatever the man doles out to her.

5.Those who can never trust anybody
These are those who believe that everybody is a dangerous enemy that has evil designs against them. They have an obsession with fear of people, including their spouse, that it is irritating. Once a spouse cannot be trusted, there can never be joy in the family.

6.Those who have no respect for others
People can mouth love, but without respect, a marriage can never be happy. Women who love to prove a point by insulting their husbands, or men who believe in treating their wives without dignity in the name of cutting their wives to size: such people make terrible marriage partners.

7.Women who see all men as competition that must not be given an inch
Marriage is not a place for activism. A woman who sees a man as a competitor rather than a complement is a dangerous person to marry. When a man has to contend with a woman every minute, when a man is always too conscious of what to say or do to his wife, then there is a problem.

8.Those who can’t control their temper
Hot-tempered people are dangerous. They can utter anything in anger. They can do things that they will regret for life. They can be violent. Their words can be venomous. They can put you in trouble.

9.Those who cannot forgive
Forgiveness makes us look superhuman. But there are those who cannot forgive, no matter the circumstances. Not only can they not forgive, they can also not forget. Because they can’t forgive, they usually think of how to get revenge.

10.Those who have not been weaned by their parents
Age has little to do with maturity in marriage. Those who have not been “weaned” by their parents make poor marriage partners. They are full of “Mummy said”, “Daddy said”. They take every family discussion to their parents. They cannot do anything unless their parents approve. They allow their parents to run their homes in the name of showing respect to the mother-in-law or father-in-law.
Those who are tied to the apron strings of their parents make marriage tasteless. Such spouses are as a constant source of frustration and sadness. You will always be wrong. You will always be vilified

THE EFFECT OF SPIRITUAL HUSBANDS AND WIVES IN YOUR LIFE + SOLUTION

You may not believe in spirits but they exist , i doubted it till i saw one . 

SPIRITUAL HUSBANDS/WIVES ARE
DANGEROUS AND
DEADLY!

Spiritual spouses ,[popularly known as spirit
wife/husband]
subjects are very deep spiritual issues that
are kept away
from millions of Christian today.They are
specially
commission by Satan to molest, trouble and
scatter good
and godly homes, if at all they allow marriage
to take
place.
I pray for you that, the almighty God will open
your
understanding on this matter, in Jesus name.

Characteristic of spirit wife/husband.

They are spiritual enemies living and
sleeping with
one.

They are very stubborn, aggressive and
dangerous.

They are terrible enemies with killer motives
[they kill-
joy, peace, health, brain, calling, virtue,
marriage etc.].

They violate the right of their victims.

They also molest their victims with sex in
the dream.

They are no respecter of race.

color, age,
tribe,
position.

They are desperate and very wicked in their
activities.

Spiritual spouse activities are physical-but
the
resulting effects are terrible sicknesses,
emptiness, and
diseases.

They turn dreams life into a serious battle.

They are specialist in stopping, frustrating
and killing
marriage with passion.

They don’t give up easily.

They can entice with physical gift.

Mercy is far from them.

Hardly did they miss their target.

They come with familiar faces most of the
time..

They empower lust and decay in the
society.

Prostitutes are used as strong bait to hit
hard on their
target.

They can impersonate physical spouse.

Spiritual spouse use dream to challenge
and attack
the destiny of man and woman.

They are very jealous.

They cause disaster on the of wedding,They attack marriages with divorce.

They bind men and women to terrible
spiritual
marriage that troubles the physical one.

They turns joyful homes to battle ground
Their Entry PointsThey can enter through immorality.

It can be through pornography.

Spirit wife/husband can be inherited.

They can enter through rape.

It can be through evil dedication of
individual.

They can enter through underwear
manipulation.

Through tattooing and incision.
Signs Of Their Presence.

They cause late marriage or no marriage at
all.

Rejection by opposite sex.

Constant sex in the dream.

Chains of marital troubles.

Miscarriages after sex in the dream.

Inability to make love to your wife.

Serious pain when about to make love.

All decision to stay single.

Early menopause.

Missing menstrual period in the dream.

Having prolonged pregnancy

Physical disappearance of marriage ring.

Lost of job and valuables just after
marriage
ceremony.

When your loving spouse suddenly
becomes your
enemy.

When one is pregnant in the dream.

Breast feeding in the dream and even
seeing breast
secreting milk physically.

Inability to conceive.

Having evil or bad body odor.

Constant wet dreams.

Wedding in the dream.

Nursing children in the dream.

Inability to maintain holy life.

When one is always jilted by serious
partner.

Feeling tired every morning.

OVERCOMING SPIRIT HUSBANDS/WIVES

Give your heart to God –Not negotiable.

Repent from all inherited and personal sins.

Break every soul ties with all spirit spouses.

Pray aggressively against their activities in
your life,
set ablaze their marriage rings, certificates,
wedding
garments and children, etc.

Receive the baptism of Holy Ghost.h

Determine to live holy.

Make Bible your best friend.

Add fasting to your prayers.

Start doing something in the house of the
Lord.

Go for deliverance.

CAN DEMONS BLOCK OUR PRAYERS?

I had a comment recently asking the question if demons could block our prayers. While many Christians jump up with a hasty NO, I think the sincerity of the question is worthy of investigation. Plus, do we really know this to be true or do we just want to believe it?

Was Daniel’s Prayer Blocked By Demons?

Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come.” – Daniel 10:12-14 This passage from Daniel is probably the source of many people’s questions regarding demons blocking prayers. Daniel was the chief advisor for three separate kings during Israel’s captivity. He faithfully prayed and ministered to these nations and is a great role model for us. In this story he was given a vision of terrible things coming to Persia, and they troubled Daniel. He prayed to seek understanding for the vision. The first thing to notice was that God immediately heard the prayer. However, God’s answer was delayed by an evil presence. This passage therefore does not support or deny that demons can block our prayers. It does support that demons can delay God’s response which is alarming enough.

What Can Block Our Prayers?

The Bible does talk about some things that can block our prayers. “If I had cherished sin in my heart, God would not have listened [to my prayers]” (Psalm 66:18). Since this passage holds many people in bondage and fear, let’s first take a look at a couple things this doesn’t mean:

1. God Doesn’t Hear the Prayers of Non-Christians. Many people use this verse to say that the first prayer God hears is the salvation prayer. God is a loving Father longing to connect with each person He created. He responses to those who are sincerely seeking Him. Just look at the life of Jesus. How many people did He lead to salvation before He healed them? Jesus was representing His Father on earth.

2. God Doesn’t Hear the Prayers of People Stuck in Sin. Other people use this verse to say that if you are an alcoholic, pornographer, adulterer, liar, rebellious, or the like, God will not hear your prayers.  Again, Jesus is our model. He spent time with the prostitutes and tax collectors. Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus, and Jesus answered his prayer even though he cheated people out of money (Luke 19:1-10). Now that I have confused you with what Psalm 66:18 doesn’t mean, I should give some explanation on what it does mean. The best way to do this is to give another verse to add light to it. James 4:3 says, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” It is this asking for the wrong reasons that represents cherished sin. Wait, there is more that can hinder your prayers.

1 Peter 3:7 says that husbands should love their wife so that nothing would hinder their prayers. Therefore an unloved wife can hinder prayer. Which also means any man wanting to be used by God should regularly make sure his wife feels loved.

How Can Demons Use This to Block Our Prayers?

What does Psalm 66:18 and 1 Peter 3:7 have to do with demons hindering our prayers? While demons may not be able to directly hinder our prayers, they can motivate us to a place where our prayers will be hindered. Keep alert and don’t become unaware of the demons’ schemes (2 Corinthians 2:10-11). Speaking of being outwitted, this verse in 2 Corinthians says Satan was trying to outwit them through unforgiveness. Jesus said that when we harbor unforgiveness, God grant demons the right to torment us (Matthew 18:32-35). Jesus gives the impression that our gifts to Him will not be received if we have broken relationship with others (Matthew 5:23-24). Relationships are very important to God. Loving our neighbors is the second greatest commandment (Matthew 22:39). Demons will work hard to cause you relationship problems. Overcome their tactics with never-ending love and unrestricted forgiveness.

Can Demons Hear Our Prayers?

Demons hearing our prayers is sometimes brought up with the question if demons can block our prayers. The suggestion is it is better to pray in our hearts without words so that they cannot hear. That is true demons cannot hear your thoughts (although they are pretty good at guessing your thoughts since they put a lot of them in there). This is a fearful approach to prayer. There is power in the spoken word and verbal prayers have a lot of power in the kingdom. The demonic realm is shaken by the powerful prayers of faith.

In Conclusion…

Can Demons Block Our Prayers? In conclusion, it does not seem that demons can directly block our prayers. However, they will try to get us into a place where our prayers are ineffective. They will also try to discourage us by slowing God’s responses to our prayers. Don’t get discouraged. Keep seeking to do the two great commandments: love God and love others. Focus on this, do it well, and your prayers will line up. How Can We Maintain Access in Our Prayers? My best advise to keeping people encouraged in their prayers is to maintain proper perspective in our prayers. It is not about getting the answer as much as it is connecting with God. Take time to listen to whatever God wants to talk about even if it isn’t the topic you were praying about. You may be asking for healing of a loved one, direction in an important life decision, money for upcoming bills, etc. God knows your needs, but He wants you to know what He thinks of you. God thinks you are worthy of His undivided attention. You make Him happy. If God delights in you and you delight in Him, all blockages of wrong motives and unforgiveness will quickly come into alignment. Nothing will keep you from Him for He loves you too much

SPIRIT WIFE AND SPIRIT HUSBAND

In this article, I am dealing with a subject that is so personal and so private that those who have it don't like to talk about it. I'm talking about the issue of women, and many times men, who experience sexual relationships in their sleep.

There are three people affected by this. Those who have this relationship on a constant, ongoing basis; those that have this relationship on and off, and those who have this relationship but don't know they do because immediately after, it is wiped off their memory by demonic manipulation.

In my own opinion, the third group is the worst group to belong. Since they cannot remember the dream, they will not be able to do something about it.

If you have the problem of sexual encounters in your dream, the first thing I have to say to you is, relax. Just relax, don't be tensed up. Why? You are not alone. Statistics have shown that seven out of ten women experience this problem.

FALSE FACES

These spirits have so mastered the art of deception that they will use the faces of people you are familiar with when they visit you at night.

There are women who have told us they see their dad coming to sleep with them in their dreams. We know that is the spirit husband using the face of the father. Your dad has nothing to do with this night encounter.

Sometimes they may even bring the face of your pastor, who fasts and prays for you. This is another manipulation in itself to make you look down on your pastor and distrust him. Trust me, it was not your pastor coming to sleep with you, he's not as debased as to do that. It is none other the spirit husband.

At other times, they'll bring the face of your husband. It's not in dreams that you're supposed to meet with your husband this way. Any experience like that is very questionable.

They can also come with the face of your brother, your boss and people around you. It's no other one but the spirit husband masquerading himself in these false disguises.

DESCRIPTION

These night-time [sometimes day-time] experiences are called encounters with spirit husbands and spirit wives.

In Africa they call these dream visitors; 'night husbands and night wives.'

The Latin people of those days called it the 'encounter with incubi and succubi.'

If you look in the Webster's dictionary, Incubi is described as a spirit being that comes to have intimate relationships with women why they are asleep while Succubi is described as a spirit being that comes to have relationships with men in their sleep.

In Matthew 13:25, the Bible says; "But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way."

The most dangerous part of your day is really not when you're driving on the highway, operating a machinery in a factory or doing construction work on a high rise building.

The most dangerous part of anybody's day is when you lay down to sleep. That is when the enemy does the most damage to the majority of people.

I will be deceiving myself to tell you that I know everything that needs to be known about this subject, but the little, tiny experience I've had over the years in studying, coupled with counseling and praying for people, I can say without any shadow of doubt that the problem of succubi and succubi is a very common problem that you cannot just dismiss with a wave of the hand.

What is so troubling is that many Christians who are saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Sprit, are also afflicted and affected by this problem. Out of ignorance and sometimes out of pride, these dear saints keep this problem to themselves rather that cry out for help.

Sexual experiences with demonic spirits are very real even in this day and age. I have personally taken both men and women through deliverance, that have experienced this and some became bound by the spirits of Incubus and Succubus. I have personally taken both men and women through deliverance, where the witch or warlock has actually, through the use of astral travel, seduced them, having sexual relations with them as they slept, with them thinking it was only a dream. This having been done through the utilization of "Familiar" spirits.

In some instances, I have found that those spirits have entered in through masturbation and fantasy lust. If the individuals renounce the fantasy lust and stopped masturbating, they were delivered. I have taken several individuals through deliverance from those demons and I've found that people have been violated (raped) by spirits, not actually wanting to believe it or not understanding what happened to them until deliverance revealed it. But they know that they had experienced something painful and undesirable.

I have taken individuals through deliverance, that have felt the bed moving, felt their bodies responding uncontrollably, yet their rational, logical mind could not comprehend it. So they wrote it off as a dream. These demonic spirits that function in this sexually perverse way must be renounced and cast out, in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Essentially, the incubus is a lewd demon which seeks sexual intercourse with women. It is also termed follet (French), alp (German), duende (Spanish) and folletto (Italian). The corresponding demon who appears to men is the succubus. When associated with one particular witch or sorcerer, both incubus and succubus are known as magistellus, or "familiar". Inasmuch as the nightmare dream is sexual in latent content, incubus is often used interchangeably with The Mare Demon; in fact, the Latin word for nightmare is incubo (to lie upon). The incubus can assume either a male or a female shape. Sometimes he appears as a full-grown man. Sometimes as a satyr or in the form of a demon, and if it is a woman who has been received as a witch, the incubus generally assumes the form of an animal.

Succubus is a demon in female form, specialized in seducing men. Although feminine in meaning, in form this medieval Latis word, succubus, is masculine (because demons were supposedly sexless) the feminine form succuba (strumpet) is occasionally found. If you have, or are having dreams or nightmares of a sexual nature that you know are as real as life, dreams where you cannot exactly distinguish the real from the unreal, please seek deliverance. Don't allow Satan and his demonic hosts to degrade your body which is the Temple of God."

THE EVIL EFFECT

How does the presence of spirit husband or wife affect a person? I know of at least three ways that I would like to discuss.

1. Difficulty getting married.
2. Difficulty staying married.
3. Difficulty having children.

Firstly, those who experience sexual encounters in their dreams will have difficulty getting married and if they make attempts to get married, all their attempts will be met with one frustration or another.

I have met with many men and women who in the natural should have no problems whatsoever in finding a spouse. Unfortunately because of the presence of these spiritual spouses, they are blocked from being able to get engaged and stay engaged.

One night I was ministering in a revival service. The Lord gave me a word of knowledge about a lady who was being troubled every night by spirit husband. A lady raised her hand and she was prayed for. This sister has suffered a lot from the hand of this evil personality. She was engaged in the church to marry a brother but mysteriously, the engagement broke up. Little did we know that it was the work of the spirit husband.

That night, the spirit husband came back but could not do anything to her because the Lord had broken that yoke during the revival. The spirit left and could not come back to defile her again.

Not too long after that she was engaged and the marriage was held without any problem whatsoever.

If you know you ought to have been married by now but for whatever reason cannot find someone to marry or cannot stay engaged, you probably are being troubled by the problem under discussion. See a capable deliverance minister for the prayer of deliverance.

Secondly, those who experience sexual encounters in their dreams are likely to have difficulty in their marital lives.

The Spirit husband or wife is very jealous and anyone who is married to the one they claim better get ready for war.

Many unhappy and broken homes today are as such because of the evil manipulations of these jealous spirits.

A sister in our church was recently delivered from the power of night husband. She told me to make sure I include her testimony in my preaching sermon so as to encourage those who may be suffering the same fate as she suffered.

Her story shows how the presence of a spirit husband or wife can have a negative effect on a marriage.

For as far back as she could remember she had a sprit husband, who will come in to her every night and defile her. After she got saved, he was still coming every night. She told me that some nights, this man would have left before she would have any consciousness of the fact that he had been around.

During these encounters, she has very serious marital problems that defied solutions. Her marriage was at the brink of collapse.

One day, she just got up and told her husband, she was tired of the marriage. She took R10,000 and moved out of the house. She went to the Park station in Johannesburg  City and boarded a bus not even knowing where the bus was headed.

She rode on the bus for about 24 hours till it got to Cape Town. Then something told her to get off the bus and she did. This lady came out of the bus not knowing where to go since she had no contacts in Cape Town.

As she came out of the bus, a well-dressed man carrying a briefcase approached her, calling her by her first name. She was startled by the incidence since he is a total stranger to her.

"Who in the world are you?" she asked.
He replied, "Don't tell me you don't know me."
"I am telling you that I don't know you." She replied.
"I am your husband." The man replied.
"You are not my husband. My husband is in Johannesburg." Was her reply.
"I'm the one who comes to you every night in your dreams. Let us go, for I have spiritually manipulated you from Johannesburg  to this place so we can spend some time together in real life." He further told her that after they are done in Cape Town  he will let her return to Johannesburg  but will henceforth call her out to meet with him at other locations all over the South Africa. He opened his briefcase and it was full of hard-core currency. He told her not to worry, she would be well taken care of.

When the lady got to this point of her story, I had to make sure I was in a counseling session and not in a dream. I then asked her if what she had said thus far happened in real life or she was just narrating a dream experience to me. Lo and behold, it was not a dream.

I then asked her what she did.

She said, "Preacher, my eyes opened and I pushed him aside, ran into the bus station to take the next bus to Johannesburg." However, before she left, the man said to her, "Where are you running to? You can run, but you can't hide. I don't have to get on the bus to be with you in Johannesburg!"

She got on the bus the same night and arrived in Johannesburg  in the early hours of the morning. When she got off the bus in Johannesburg, guess who was waiting for her?…the same "man" she left in Cape Town  a few hours earlier.

With a grin on his face, he said to her, "I told you that you're mine and I'm yours. No circumstances can change our decision, so you might as well stop running."

She pushed him out of the way and took a taxi home where she quickly made up with her real husband.

It was this incidence that brought her to me for deliverance. The man never surfaced again after her deliverance.

Many who have spirit husbands and get married in the physical end up having problems in their marriages.

The fact of the matter is that the spirit husband is very jealous. He takes marriage to another person as a sign of unfaithfulness and will not give up without a fight. Sometimes not only is the marriage attacked, the husband in the physical is also attacked in one-way or the other by the spirit husband. There have been cases of men who have died mysterious and violent deaths as a direct result of attacks from the spirit husband.

At other times the spirit husband will separate the husband from the wife making it hard for them to live together under the same roof.

The final evil effect of the presence of spirit husband and spirit wife is the difficulty in having children.

We have had to deal with many cases of barren women who the doctors cannot understand the cause for their barrenness. They have been thoroughly examined and no medical reasons are found for their inability to reproduce.

In many of these cases, during deliverance sessions, the spirit husband manifests contesting our right to dislodge him from blocking the lady. The anointing that destroys yokes has set many women free during these sessions resulting in the birth of healthy babies sometimes after decades of childlessness.

At other times diseases of the reproductive system is introduced into the woman thereby making it difficult for her to conceive.