MARRIAGE COUNSELING

Ashish and Alka Mehra are both doctors but could not cure their ailing marriage when it snowballed into routine fights and infidelity. Though divorce seemed inevitable, the couple decided to approach me for help. A 4 months of counseling, the Mehras' marriage is on its way to recovery. The first sign is communication breakdown. At that stage, no argument seems to work.

"When you feel that you are saying something and your partner is hearing something else, it means there is a problem," In fact, most extramarital affairs are nothing but a manifestation of a crisis in marriage that has gone unaddressed.

One another case Mrs. Pallavi Parikh saved her marriage this way. Her husband was unwilling to have any counselling or coaching. She was desperate to get some help as they had already been separated before. She had several complaints about her husband. Through co aching, she learned various ways of communicating with him. She also learned about some of her own issues. Having worked on her relationship through the coaching process; she has saved her marriage. Her children are happier and her own self-confidence has grown.

Whatever your situation, your intention to improve your relationship will make your counseling powerful. You will find new solutions and your self-esteem will grow. I will help you focus on the future and heal the past. You will improve your relationship with yourself first of all and then be able to create the relationship you have always longed for. Give it a go! you will be amazed at the results!

For adults, divorce can be one of life’s most stressful life events. The decision to divorce often is met with ambivalence and uncertainty about the future. If children are involved, they may experience negative effects such as denial, feelings of abandonment, anger, blame, guilt, preoccupation with reconciliation, and acting out.

People have understood the importance of marital counseling. many people get angry when told that there is no problem with the marriage but it is their individual difficulties that are causing the problems," The problem mainly lies in the unrealistic expectations and aims troubled couples have from counseling. "Often they come in thinking that they want to fix their spouse or that someone will tell them where exactly thing are going wrong or that the counselor will do the dirty work of conveying the bad news to the partner.

When couples encounter following problems it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling.

Communication has become negative.When one or both partners consider having an affairWhen the partners do not know how to resolve their differences.When the only resolution appears to be separation.When a couple is staying together for the sake of the children

Marriage counseling therapy Short term counseling may be between 1 to 3 sessions whereas long term couples therapy may be between 12 and 24 sessions. Couples therapy is more about seemingly intractable problems with a relationship history, where emotions are the target.

Basic principles of Marriage counseling therapy

Most relationships will get strained at some time, resulting in a failure to function optimally and produce self-reinforcing, maladaptive patterns. - negative interaction cycles." There are many possible reasons for this, including insecure attachment, ego, arrogance, jealousy, anger, greed, poor communication/understanding or problem solving, ill health, third parties and so on. Changes in situations like financial state, physical health, and the influence of other family members can have a profound influence on the conduct, responses and actions of the individuals in a relationship.

A viable solution to the problem and setting these relationships back on track may be due to individuals' perceptions and emotions - how one looks at or responds to situations and feels about them. Perceptions of and emotional responses to a relationship are contained within mental map of the relationship. The core values can then be understood and changed when no longer appropriate. This implies that each person takes equal responsibility for awareness of the problem as it arises, awareness of their own contribution to the problem and making some fundamental changes in thought and feeling.

The partners are alternately mutually dependent on each other and has the need for intimacy and for autonomy and satisfaction in the relationship and stability. But it depends on the specific developing duties of each partner in every life phase and maturity".

Method of Marriage counseling therapy

This focus primarily on the process of communicating. The most commonly used method is active listening, couples should learn a method of communicating designed to create a safe environment for each partner to express and hear feelings.

Active listening did a better job creating a safe environment. and therefore the listener is trained in-depth with mental exercises and methods to interpret as love what might otherwise feel abusive. 
Often healthy couples almost never listen and echo each other's feelings naturally. Exercise itself didn't help couples to improve their marriages. It was a clinical dead end.

Emotions bring the past alive in rigid interaction patterns, which create and reflect absorbing emotional states. These forget about learning how to argue better, analysing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.

Aim of Marriage counseling therapy:

To identify the repetitive, negative interaction cycle - understand the source of reactive emotions.- re-organize key emotional responses in the relationship - facilitate a shift in partners' interaction to new patterns of interaction. - create new and positively bonding emotional events in the relationship - foster a secure attachment between partners and maintain a sense of intimacy. Develop - Respect - Empathy - Tact - Consent - Confidentiality - Accountability - Expertisen - Evidence based - ongoing training

Exercises In Marriage Counseling Therapy - I evaluates the couple's personal and relationship story as it is narrated, interrupts wisely, facilitates both de-escalation of unhelpful conflict and the development of realistic, practical solutions. Individualistic approaches to couple problems can cause harm. The counselor or therapist encourages the participants to give their best efforts to reorienting their relationship with each other. One of the challenges here is for each person to change their own responses to their partner's behaviour. Other challenges to the process are disclosing controversial or shameful events and revealing closely guarded secrets. Not all couples put all of their cards on the table at first. This can take time.

 

What to expect in Marriage counseling

Marriage counseling can help you decide what the future might hold for each one of you, and for you as a couple. In marriage counselling you're encouraged and supported to:

... explain your hopes, dreams and concerns... understand each other better - one of the greatest benefits of couple counselling... manage differences of opinion... improve relationship communication... explore whether there's still hope, or whether to end the relationship... talk more - and more helpfully - to improve marital harmony... learn problem solving strategies... identify your ’wants’ and needs... identify what works well in your relationship or marriage -– there are always things that are going well!... process and move on from the disappointments, hurts and anger... identify your own innate and acquired individual resources... identify your resources as a couple... explore the impact of ending your relationship - positive and negative... cope and manage you losses if it's your decision to end your relationship/marriage... come to terms with, heal and move on when dealing with infidelity... get to know yourself better.

Often one of the partners doesn't want to go for couple counselling - for whatever reason. Very often it's the male partner. If you really think that relationship or marriage counselling can help and your husband or wife won't go - then you can start by yourself. Your partner may decide to join you at a later stage.

Marriage counseling therapy can help you to:

1. Feel happier, lighter and more energetic
2. Understand why you were depressed and how to prevent it
3. Feel calmer
4. Find relief from (traumatic) stress symptoms
5. Feel better - recover from fears and phobias or heal trauma
6. Find relief from previously ‘bottled up’ feelings
7. Enhance your social skills if needed
8. Meet your essential emotional needs more in balance
9. Increase your awareness of your innate and acquired resources
10. Increase your confidence and self esteem

Marriage counseling process.

make counselling/therapy as painless as possiblenot dwell on the past unnecessarilyaim to help you to feel better after every consultation.give information and advice if neededexplain how your brain works with regards to emotion.help you to access the same relaxed state as when you dreamincrease your knowledge without jargon or ‘psychobabble’use a variety of techniques as appropriatecalm high levels of emotions as soon as possibleencourage new understandings and solutions.adapt the therapy flexibly and uniquely for youavoid using a ’preferred’ theory regardless of your problemssupport you when difficult feelings emerge without dwelling on thembe aware of research in psychology, neurobiology and counsellinghelp you overcome your problems in as few sessions as possibleconsider the effects of counselling on the people close to youteach you to relax deeply.

If you're facing a divorce, you may feel that your partner is pulling all the strings. This might leave you feeling out of control and frightened.

Life after a separation often resembles a roller-coaster ride with all its foreseeable (and unforeseeable) ups and downs. There are nearly always many twists and turns before the final Decree Nisi.

I can't tell you how important it is to keep the channels of communication open.

The right divorce advice from appropriate professionals can save your sanity and will ensure that you're coping with your divorce the best you can.

Communicating effectively when you're both emotional can seem at times impossible. However, remaining at the very least polite and co-operative is vital if you have children.

You may be splitting up, but you are going to be parents for the rest of your lives.

What if you want divorce

The partner who wants to end the marriage wants distance. They're often afraid that any show sympathy may be seen as a sign of hope that separation or divorce can be averted. The other desperately needs the comfort of a close attachment. They need to be able to ask questions, and they want answers, commitment, and reassurance.

The right kind of divorce advice is vital.

For advice about making the process as painless as possible, do have a look at my Divorce Tips.

12 ways divorce advice and counselling can help with 'how to get divorced'

understand normal reactions to stress and lossexplore the possible reasons for the break-upunderstand what might be going on for you and your partner nowcommunicate effectively with your partnerexplore sources of supportadvise you of appropriate servicesidentify and access your own personal resourcescommunicate with the most important people in your lifeadvise you on how to support the childrenfacilitate re-engagement with each other if there is a glimmer of hopere-engage with life and find new meaning if there isn't'normalise' feelings, thoughts and behaviours during this time of crisis, so that you feel better able to cope with your divorce

Divorce or separation can be really, really tough - I so understand this. And the prospect of actually surviving divorce and moving on with your life might seem impossible to you right now.

At the end of the day the goal is happiness, and behaving in ways that benefit you will help you achieve that goal much more efficiently than finding ways to hurt your spouse.

Revenge cannot repair losses or compensate for betrayal. Revenge is a sign of weakness. It is clear that the revenge-seeker has been hurt badly and that they are unable to cope. You don't want to give your spouse the opportunity to thrive on your weakness and misery. Demonstrating that you are strong and able to live happily despite what they have done to hurt you.