CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

The husband’s role in married life

A caring Christian husband and a faithful Christian wife are a great blessing to each other and their family, as well as to those with whom they worship. The husband should show selfless love for his wife after Christ’s example of love and care for his church (true believers).

The husband should be the head of his wife as the Lord Jesus is the head of the church. This does not mean that the husband is allowed to order his wife around – expecting everything to be done in answer to his commands and having his own way – that was not how Jesus behaved with his disciples. Although he was their Lord, the head of the body of disciples, at times he behaved as a servant to them to teach them the need for humility (Luke 22:27), and he considered the needs of others more important than his own. Peter gave this advice:

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).  Being head of the family means that the husband should give a positive lead, but he should discuss important decisions with his wife. Most of all, the husband should lead the family in worship and instruction, as Abraham did (Genesis 18:19). In this way a baptized husband should regard himself as the head over the family, responsible for their lives before God, and he should think of his home as if it were a little Christian church, where God is honoured. 

In some countries the women in the family do most of the heavy work. Christian marriage is a partnership and the husband will be keen to share the work with his wife and family. He should show “honour to the woman as the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7) and love her as much as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:28). This spiritual and
practical partnership will be a joyful experience for the whole family. Working together and sharing tasks will provide an excellent example of true Christianity, encouraging others.

A Christian wife

We have looked at the duties and responsibilities of the Christian husband, but the wife must also play her proper part. She should love and respect her husband in the same way as the church should love and respect the Lord Jesus. There is a delightful word picture of an “excellent wife” in Proverbs 31:10-31. She is someone her husband can trust absolutely, who “does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (verse 12). She works hard for herself and her family; she is kind and understanding, and “fears the LORD” (verse 30). The Bible has a number of examples of faithful wives who helped and supported their husbands, whilst letting them take the lead. Sarah respected Abraham and thought of him as her lord (1 Peter 3:1-6) and obeyed him. The apostle Paul shows that because the husband represents Christ, and his wife represents Christ’s true church, she should not take the leading role in marriage: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).  Titus 2:4,5 contains Paul’s instructions concerning young wives:

"train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive (obedient) to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”   Since Christian family life is to be shared with God, mothers have a special part to play both in caring for the family, and in guiding and teaching the children the things of God. Of course, both parents have their part to play in bringing up their children in a godly way. Scripture says that parents should “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

FINDING A HUSBAND OR WIFE

The Bible gives a clear command that should be obeyed when a follower of Christ chooses a marriage partner.

Baptized believers should marry baptized believers

The true purpose of marriage can only be achieved when both partners belong to the Lord. In order to live together as spiritual partners as “heirs (together) … of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7), the husband and wife must share the same faith and love of God. Paul makes it very clear that a believer should not marry an unbeliever: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  … Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14,15) “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). An unbelieving partner can take us away from God, which is what happened to Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-11). Sometimes it is difficult to find a partner who shares the same faith. Some people in this situation are able to stay single (Matthew 19:10-12) and there is nothing wrong with this (Jesus remained single). Others will want to find someone who is willing to learn the true Gospel, but should only marry them if they accept God’s salvation and are baptized. The choice of marriage partner should be made a matter of earnest prayer.

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T WEAR PANTS

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel...” —1st Timothy 2:9

       Women are to dress in “modest apparel.” That is what the Bible commands. It is not a matter of opinion. God has revealed His will concerning the manner in which women ought to dress. Rebellious women don't care, they're going to be lewd, rude and crude anyway; but a woman that fears God does care, and she is careful about the way she clothes herself.

The Greek word for “modest” in 1st Timothy 2:9 is “Kosmios” which means “of good behavior.” Hence, the attire which a woman wears sends a message as to the type of moral character which she possess. Women who wear pants either do not recognize, or do not care, about the spiritual dangers of lasciviousness. The clothes that women wear send a message.

Proof of this is found in Proverb 7:10... “attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.” The Bible speaks about the attire of a harlot. One cannot deny that sexually suggestive clothing is the attire of a harlot. Any type of clothing that exposes a woman's thighs, breast cleavage or is tight is immodest and sinful. Get right with God.

Any Godless women knows that men are sexually aroused by SIGHT. This is the great danger of women wearing pants. Lest you think this a trifle matter, Jesus condemned the lusts of the heart as being equivalent to ADULTERY in Matthew 5:28, “ Maybe you don't care, but God does. Immodestly dressed women cause men to lust. Sadly, many women enjoy such sensual attraction, making them feel good about themselves; but that is a very shallow and selfish attitude to have, and sinful I might add. John 12:43 tells us to seek the praise of God, not men.

There are godly men who are trying to maintain clean minds, and you're helping to hurt them spiritually. God will hold every woman accountable for EVERY lust she intentionally caused in men by her immodest apparel.  
 

The Sin of Women Dressing Immodestly

 The Bible plainly evidences in the account of king David committing adultery with Bath-sheba the dangers of women displaying their naked bodies in public. David went out on his roof and saw Bathsheba bathing naked and the rest is history . . .

Bath-sheba was either careless or deliberately seduced king David. The man after God's own heart chose to commit adultery because of a naked woman. This plainly evidences WHY women ought to wear proper attire in public. Godless women don't care; Christian women do care.

It is sinful for whores like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry to lie on the ground in sensual poses, rolling around in lingerie on TV, jumping around in their panties on YouTube, behaving like demon-possessed heathens, and leading the world's young girls to follow their evil example. No wonder the abortion rate is so high, adultery and fornication are epidemic in America, and moral looseness has become the norm. Lesbianism is everywhere, a consequence of unrestrained lusts (Romans 1:24-27). God's curse is upon our nation.

Nothing has changed in 3,000 years since David and Bath-Sheba. Sexual sins are commonplace in the world today, because of all the whorishly unclothed women. The world live in a sexually degenerate, perverted, and sensual society... a SEX-SICKO SOCIETY! Such women are evil in their hearts, who value the lustful attention of men rather than the praise of God for being a virtuous woman. There are no women any uglier spiritually than whores like Madonna, Anna Nicole Smith, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry (Hudson),Sandra Bullock, and hundreds more who strip naked for the world to lust upon.
 

any Women Sinfully Sport in Causing Lasciviousness

It is evil for any woman to deliberately cause lasciviousness by her immodest attire. Some women are very cruel and want to hurt others. This evil is commonplace today. Sensual smut flows out of Hollywood and Walt Disney like sewage flowing into a cesspool. It is a cesspool of iniquity!

In fact, many people today think it's perfectly normal and acceptable for women to dress whorish to arouse men, with no consideration for the sexual sins caused by their evil influence. Woman who purposely dress immodestly are guilty of idolatry. She is placing her own will above God's Word, making herself to be a god, and is causing men to worship her body instead of God. It is evil.

Many secular songs have been written to attest to this fact, such as John Mayer's “Your Body Is A Wonderland.” This one song in particular has brought Mr. Mayer worldwide fame and fortune. The song is nothing more than idolatrous worship of a woman's body—SEX! Selena Gomez and Katy Perry admit the demonic influences of Rock music upon the fans. Katy Perry doesn't even wear clothes on her latest album, TEENAGE DREAM. The Word of God commands us, as believers, not to love the lusts of this world (1st John 2:15-17). John Mayer, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry (Hudson), Madonna,Britney Spears, Cher, and all of Hollywood, Walt Disney, Las Vegas, and an untold multitude of whores and whoremongers across the world, are serving the Devil.

There is nothing more evil than a woman like Britney Spears who deliberately entices men with immoral clothing, nudity or lewd behavior.

Here are the words that Proverb 7:18 tells us the whore says...

Proverb 7:18 , “Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.”

Read what the Bible has to say about the whorish woman...

Proverb 7:25-27, “Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”

God never changes (Malachi 3:6). The Old Testament magnifies the wrath of God; but the New Testament the love of God. God loves humanity and has made a way of escape through faith in His only begotten son, Jesus Christ. But don't mistake God's longsuffering and patience, Christ-rejecters will burn in the Lake of Fire forever (2nd Thessalonians 1:8-9; Revelation 20:11-15; 21:8). If you want a clear picture of God today, then you must take the Bible as a whole. 
 

Most Women Don't Care, So What is a Christian Man to Do?

But you ask, “Preacher, isn't it normal for a man to want to lust upon a women?” Yes, for the carnal man. I'd worry about any man who didn't have such desires. Any man who doesn't desire to look upon a beautiful woman is either sick, I'm not talking about being normal in the carnal sense; I'm talking about living by faith to please God. Jesus plainly taught that lust is adultery.  There is no room for debate. Sexual lust is a sin, unless it's your wife or husband.

It is normal to be a heathen, but God saved us so we wouldn't live like that anymore. God wants His children to be zealous of good works (Titus 2:14). I'm talking about walking in the Spirit of God.  Every saved person LIVES in the Sprit, i.e., they have the Holy Spirit of God indwelling them (Romans 8:9). But to walk in the Spirit is to yield in obedience to the teachings of God's Word as a believer, as evidenced by Galatians 5:25.

How does a person avoid sexually impure thoughts? The answer is found in multiple Scriptures...

 1. How does one abstain from fleshy lusts, since we cannot help but see filth in today's sexually degenerative.

1. When a man sees a lewd or whorish looking woman (i.e., the attire of a harlot), then he is to cast down any thought of lust... “No, I won't think that way. I want a clean heart oh God.” He is to bring every thought into captivity the Bible says, to obedience to Jesus Christ, the Word of God. Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Pray and ask God for His help. Jesus told His disciples in Carefully notice that Jesus didn't say to pray WHEN you are tempted; but rather, to pray that ye ENTER NOT into temptation. James 1:14 teaches that a man is only tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust. 
  Memorize Scriptures as did king David to quote when tempted. The Scriptures I am sharing with you are a good place to start. When Satan tried to tempt Jesus, the Lord quoted Scriptures each time to defeat the Devil. 
  The Jews wandering in the wilderness made a golden calf, an idol like American television today, that led them to commit sexual immorality. Twenty-three thousand Jews were killed as a consequence, as an example the Bible says of what will happen to the wicked in eternity. God hates sin. Consider the warnings that the Bible gives to us today. God is not a passive God concerning sin. Hebrews 13:4 warns that God will judge all whores and whoremongers. 
  Don't drink alcohol, which is liquid Devil.   Job purposed in his heart that he would not have a dirty-mind. Make a covenant with your eyes. Anyone can choose to maintain a clean mind and heart. The question is do you love God and want His hand of blessing upon your life? God's face is against the disobedient.

2. You can live right in modern times.And a wonderful Scripture in  God wants to live the Christian life through us. The Bible teaches that God puts the desire in our heart, both to will and to do God's will.

3. Of course, men who are sin-loving pigs want women to wear pants and miniskirts. It is sinful for women to wear pants or miniskirts. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that it's wrong for a woman to be attractive; but Word of God clearly teaches that a godly woman should desire to attract men to her character rather than her body...

4. Seldom do we see virtuous women anymore who look, talk, walk, and behave like feminine ladies. Instead, they are feminists! She-devils! Long dresses are extremely rare in the world of  today. And if you do wear a long dress, people will immediately think you are a Christian. Other women will persecute you. 2nd Timothy 3:12 teaches that those who live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. A women who stays home to care for her family is ridiculed these days by a rotten feminist culture of rebels, God-haters and abortionists.

The Bible warns about the many dangers of sexual sins...

Carefully notice Proverb 5:8...

“Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house.”

May all Christians today say with Joshua...

“...as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). 
           
              MAY CHIUTA/GOD BLESS YOU

HAPPINESS

Make happiness a priority.  If happiness is not at the top of your list then other things will take precedence.  If other things take precedence, they may well interfere with your efforts to feel good.

WHAT WOMEN NEED IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

It is a fair comment to say that when a woman is not happy in her relationship, her needs are not being well-considered. It is often part of women’s nature to put the needs of their partner and children first. However, women can self-sacrifice only for so long. Relationships sometimes undergo challenges brought about by the changes women make so their needs are better considered. Often, the men involved are bewildered by the changes their partner is making, as they may not have changed, and they thought the relationship was travelling OK.

Women want their partner’s attention focused on them - for their partner to really listen to them, especially how they are feeling, and to be supported in expressing themselves.

It is more helpful for men to show that they understand how their partner is feeling and to respond to their needs, than it is to problem-solve, debate the accuracy of her statements, criticise or react defensively. 

When women believe their feelings have been truly heard, they are in a better position to let go of hurt and understand their partner’s perspective. Men may have to guess at what women are feeling when they are not talking or communicating indirectly.

Men need to learn to reflect women's feelings in a number of ways until women feel they have been really heard. 

Women have a strong need to feel secure in their relationship – to feel safe and protected, and to know their partner is faithful and committed to them.

Women need to know they are the number one priority to their partner - that her partner will put the relationship first, even before work. It is not only important for their partner to be connecting well with them, it is also important their partner is connecting well with the children, family and friends. Women like to be affirmed with sincere compliments, and to know they remain beautiful to their partner.

Romance and affection are also important where men recognise their partner as special and wonderful, and shown through ways like loving touches, kisses, hugs, small gifts, flowers, and love notes. Such affection and cherishing is important on a consistent basis and not just at those times when men want to make love or are trying to reconcile after an argument. 

Women need to be supported and encouraged by their partner in their personal and work-related goals, whether these are their personal interests, their desire to undertake a course of study, or pursue a particular field of work. Women, like men, also need to be trusted, respected and liked. It is also important for both men and women to have fun, both together and also apart.

Some men find their partner has distanced herself emotionally from the relationship and appears unwilling to recommit. These men sometimes meet resistance to changes they make to consider their partner’s needs due to their partner’s need for her painful feelings to be fully acknowledged. Other times, women will watch their partner’s efforts to maintain change over time before re-engaging. However, a man's best chance at influencing his partner to recommit, as well as to get his own needs considered, is to act in ways considerate of what his partner is needing.

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T MARRY OR DATE AN UNBELIEVER

"Be Ye Not Unequally Yoked Together With Unbelievers ..."   2.COR 6:14

Decisions for Life

Marriage is the biggest and most important decision you will make after your decision to follow Jesus. And as I said before, all marriages start out with a "first date". One of the main problems is that too many Christians approach the idea of dating with far too casual an attitude. They have adopted the world's view on this, instead of God's. There is no such thing as "playing the field" when it comes to Christianity. Sure it gets lonesome sometimes, but remember, every date has the potential of becoming a lifelong relationship. Spending time with the wrong person is opening yourself up to becoming emotionally involved to a point where it is not always so easy to turn and walk away. Once you have given your heart and your emotions to someone, you will be surprised at how difficult it is to have the desire to take them back.

Don't wait until it is too late. The time to ask Jesus for wisdom is before you start a relationship - not after. It is much easier than you think for your heart to overrule your conscience. Once your own desires are demanding priority, your zeal to put God first starts to quickly fade away. Your emotions are a powerful thing, and if you don't control them, they will control you! (JER 17:9).

14 PRINCIPLES FOR FINDING A GODLY WIFE OR HUSBAND

1. I see many Christians destroying themselves in the effort to find a husband or a wife. They wear revealing clothes, hang around nightclubs and feel ashamed in church on Sunday. Pain and desperation are driving them to clumsily adopt the ways of the world in finding a life partner. It can only lead to heartache and disappointment. For most of my adult life I have been single. I know that you CAN be happy and single and that it is possible to joyfully WAIT . Marrying a non-Christian is not a godly option. I won't be discussing that here as I have written a separate article on it. This article covers 14 principles for finding a  Christian partner in this rather lonely world.

2. Work on making yourself the sort of person that a godly Christian would LIKE to marry. Be kind, reliable, courteous and attractive. Have your life disciplined and godly and in reasonably good order. Be full of love. 

3. Have something interesting about you and work on it. You need to stand out from the crowd a little. Get interested in missions, help the poor, do something different that is still you. 

4. Be godly yourself. Have a daily quiet time where you read the Bible and pray and start putting Scripture into practice in your life. Go to church regularly to worship God and switch off your "partner searching periscope" when you go there. In fact switch it off as often as you can. There is something very unattractive about people who are obviously looking for a partner. Godly people want a godly partner. 

5. Make a success of your career. It will cultivate good qualities in you such as forward thinking, planning, diligence, and hard work and it will increase your self-esteem so that you don't feel as devastated by being single. It will also increase your confidence and attractiveness. Godly Christians tend to like people who do their best. Jesus had an obvious soft spot for stewards who did their work diligently and well and makes them the heroes of many of his parables. 

6. Make a list of the qualities you really want in a partner and bring this list to God in prayer. Make it quite specific. Use it as a "filter" to prevent you going out with people that are completely wrong. When you make the list remember the golden rule "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". Would you want your future partner to be drawing up a list like yours? Would you have any chance of getting selected if they did? Is your list too unreal? Make sure that an "average person" - the sort you are likely to marry, is able to fulfill it. 

7. Take their weaknesses seriously. If a person is a Christian but has a problem with drugs or alcohol or promiscuity then be very careful. If they are constantly in financial trouble or always quitting their jobs you may be marrying misery. Things like eating disorders, very low self-esteem, high levels of hostility, and the need to control people can wreak havoc in a marriage. If they are believers then God is working in their lives and there is hope but some believers are not yet ready for responsibility. Some may be "barely believers" and not really committed to long term change. I am not saying don't marry them, I am saying think very, very long and hard before you do. Give them time to grow and to prove themselves before you tie the knot. 

Marry someone you can pray with. Couples that pray together stay together and that's a proven fact. The Christian marriages that fail (including mine) have one partner that avoids having daily devotionals together. Prayer really builds deep intimacy into a marriage. 

8. Learn to recognize predators. There are quite a number of people who hang around churches to pick up a "Christian partner" and who can fake being a Christian with considerable skill. They generally have no intention of being godly and little intention of marriage. They are generally after unprotected sex with someone innocent and free of disease. Sorry to be that blunt in a Christian magazine but you need to know the truth. Predators are often betrayed by their lack of true feeling for Christian things and their lack of insight into Scripture. Greed, not tithing, and minor ethical breaches are other good clues. Listen to God's promptings and your intuition. The Holy Spirit will scream "No" at you pretty early on. When God says "No" stop right then and there! 

9. Move steadily and wisely towards commitment and put aside undue suspicion, hostility and distrust of the opposite gender. As a rough rule of thumb people end up living up to your projections of their behavior. If you distrust people and are sure they will not stay with you but are "just using you" then they will flee! No-one will stay in a relationship with a person who distrusts them. However if you treat your partner well and trust , love, and enjoy them and delight in who they are and expect good things of them then they will enjoy your love so much that they will not think of doing anything else except marrying you! Positive people tend to get positive results and negative people tend to get negative results - so deal with your fears. 

10. Don't be paranoid about members of the opposite sex. In conservative Christian circles there is almost an assumption that you only talk to members of the opposite sex that you are interested in marrying! That is so destructive! Build many ordinary good friendships and confuse your church thoroughly! It takes the pressure off any emerging relationships and also gives you a better understanding of women/men as the case may be. 

11. Get good Christian counseling if you have had traumatic experiences that may be hindering your ability to relate to members of the opposite sex.

12. If you really like someone and they are a good Christian then go for it! I spent a lot of time thinking "so and so is too good for me" and holding back and thus losing out. Being strong and courageous has many advantages and seems to get God's blessing. 

13. Many good Christian marriages have developed when a friend introduces two people together and they click. While some friends playing Cupid with your life can be a pain if you have a few really good friends that you trust ask them to keep a lookout for you and to pray for the right person to come along. 

14. Ask God's blessing on your efforts and develop the ability to listen to Him. God has a long history of putting some first class romances together. Let Him order your days and they will be pleasant. He really does care!