HOW TO LOVE YOUR WIFE

The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.  This is a very difficult command to obey because Christ gave His own life for the church.  In fact He died for it.  The church is spoken of as the Bride of Christ and Jesus is the Bridegroom and the two are engaged to one another.  The marriage feast of the Lamb of God will take place after the consummation of the marriage at His return.  The kind of love that Christ has for the church is the divine kind of love; a self sacrificing and unconditional love that humans can only hope to mimic.  So how are husbands to love their wives the way that Jesus loves the church?  Instead of consulting a Marriage Counselor or reading a book about marriage, we will go to the soundest of all logic.  There is no better marriage advice for husbands given anywhere, by anyone, at anytime, than in the Bible.  There is wisdom for husbands in how they should love their wives that is unlike any advice you will find in the world; the Holy Bible.  Let God speak to us on how a husband should love his wife. 

The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

Two Become One

The very firstmarriage ceremony ever performed was done so by God Himself in Genesis 2:23-23:

“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

This is a key point. When a man marries a woman, the two become one.  The fact that Adam said “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is important. That means when she feels pain, then he should feel it.  When the wife rejoices, then the husband should rejoice.  They are sharing everything in life; the ups and the downs.

Another important thing in this verse is the statement of a man leaving his father and mother and is united to his wife.  That means that they are starting a new family and the family from which the husband came has no authority in this new family; no say and no active participation in the marriage between the husband and wife.  Of course the man physically leaves his parents home but I believe the intent of this – and the reason it is mentioned in Scripture is not trivial – is that the husbands parents are to stay out of issues involving the new family that has just been created.  Interference by in-laws can cause extreme pressure on either of the spouses and can strain the marriage itself.  What the husbands parents did in their marriage and home is not applicable to the wife since she and her husband have their own family – a new family.  The wife may not be familiar with the way her husbands home was ran and so the husbands parents can not dictate or even suggest that the wife ought to do certain things that were done when her husband lived at home.

One final point in these verses is that the two persons have now become one flesh.  In a literal sense if they have children, the one child has both of his or her parents.  I do not believe that this is the reason for saying that the two “become one flesh.”  I believe it is that they share a bond, an intimacy that is not shared by any other human on the face of the earth.  They become one in purpose, one in serving one another, one is communion.  When sex was involved outside of marriage, the language was that a man laid down with the woman, but in marriage, it says that the man “knew” his wife.  Lying down with someone is not the same thing as “knowing” someone.  During sexual intercourse between the husband and wife, there is such an intimacy that each other can really know each other better than they can in having an affair or having premarital sex.

Love Your Wife Through Action

Few people understand that another little know command for husbands is given in Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

You have heard, seen or even lived through the experience when the husband comes home from work. His nerves are shot.  He is tired, hungry, and perhaps even frustrated after work.  Many wives work too and they have the same feelings after they get home from work, so the last thing she needs is for hubby to come home and unload all of the days frustrations on his wife who has an equally, or in some cases, a fuller plate than he does.  Husbands should not take it out on their wives – especially given the fact that she had nothing to do with what went on at work.  Sadly, this happens all too frequently.

Men, by their nature, tend to be more gruff, rough, and harsh with people.  I am not saying that men are inferior to women, but each sex has differences.  These differences, instead of being conflicting, can actually compliment each other.  What men lack in finesse, women may excel at.  Where women lack in physical strength, men may not.  There is a balance between the two in the dance of life where like a tight rope walker; each gives weight to the other side.  This balance adds the feminine and the masculine.  Like when hot and cold are mixed together, there is a moderation in temperature.  Most people like hot showers, but if there is not at least some cold water, it’s painfully hot.

Men need to love their wives and not being harsh with them is showing them love.  Love is a verb – it’s an action, its what you do.  Saying I love you is important, but showing it by loving kindness, consideration, and a soft spoken tone is more important. You can scream “I love you!” but a tender, soft kiss tells your wife more than a hundred “I love you’s” ever could.  Women love to communicate while men are often silent, but when husbands take the time to listen, it births a godly love.  Our actions can show love and our tone of voice can show consideration, but talking with your wife andlistening is perhaps one of the greatest things a husband can do.  And not while watching TV. Give her your wife your undivided attention, make eye contact, and just sit and listen to her – let her talk.  She doesn’t need you to interrupt to try and fix things (men tend to be problem solvers); she just needs you to listen to her quietly.  This tells her you value her opinion and that it’s important to you.  This shows the wife that you love her.

Wives and Husbands: Co-Heirs and Co-Equals

The last thing a wife needs is for her husband to be inconsiderate.   Tell her thank you for making dinner, washing your clothes or making the bed.  Why not take some of this heavy load off of her shoulders.  Listen to what the Apostle Peter tells husbands in I Peter 3:7:

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Peter writes about the idea of consideration and treating them with respect.  Being considerate is doing things for them (e.g. the dishes), opening the door for them, cleaning out the litter box, and regarding her as better than yourself.  Treating your wife with respect is speaking to her as your equal.  Brag in public about her to others.  Women are not inferior and they should not be made to feel so.  Peter tells us under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit, that the wife is a co-heir and is co-equal in God’s sight.  Treating her as a “weaker vessel” does not mean an inferior vessel.  Peter is only talking about physical strength and not her strength of character, worth, or value.  God is no respecter of persons meaning that He does not play favorites, so neither should husbands be a respecter of their wives just because they are a woman or their wife.

Not treating your wife with respect, not being considerate of her feelings, and not regarding her as equal before God, will hinder your prayers.  Who wants their prayers blocked?  No one, but husbands risk their prayers bouncing off the ceiling if they are not treating their wife with respect and being considerate of her feelings as a woman.

Loving Her As You Love Yourself

Ephesians chapter five is regarded as the biblical marriage instruction manual.  No amount of human reasoning can match the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and since the Bible is the inspired (God breathed) Word of God, we would do well to listen to God’s advice for marriage.  Ephesians 5:28 reads, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”  In what same way is Paul talking about?  Reading the previous verses tells us in Ephesians 5:25-28,

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

This “same way” is how Christ treats His church.  Paul equates loving the wife as we love ourselves.  This is not meaning an egocentric, selfish, self-serving love but the same way in which we take care of ours selves and in the same way we want to be treated.  If the husband runs all the hot water out of the hot water tank by taking a long shower, he is not loving his wife the way he loves his own self if she has to take a shower next.  Why?  He would not want someone using up all the hot water and then expecting him to have to take a cold shower.  If we are cold, we turn up the heat; if we are hungry, we eat; if we are tired, we rest.  So with this same regard that husbands have for themselves in taking care of themselves, husbands should treat their wives.

Redeeming Your Time Together

Solomon was, next to Christ, the wisest man that has ever lived.  He shared this wisdom about marriage too so we should read what he understood about marriage. 

In Ecclesiastes 9:9 Solomon writes,“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love

“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”

I have heard some describe the marriage between a man and a woman as where the man married his best friend.  His wife ought to be his best friend.  Before couples get married, they are usually friends first.  Marriage is a divine institution – not a human one.  God intended that we enjoy each other.  Sex was created not just for procreation (children) but for marital recreation.  God doesn’t make mistakes. There is pleasure in loving someone of the opposite sex and it is always best inside of marriage.  The marriage bed is said to be undefiled.  That means that whatever takes place in the bedroom between a husband and wife is permissible.  God has given us our spouse.  He is sovereign.  It is no mistake that our wife or husband crossed our paths in life.

Solomon encourages husbands to “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love.“  Enjoy your time with your wife.  Sacrifice  to go to an event that she enjoys.  She might remember the days before you got married that you went bike riding with her, took long walks in the evening, or loaded up the car with food and had a picnic in the park.  We should redeem the time with our wives because time flies.  We may never get a second chance at a second honeymoon, to renew the wedding vows, or to spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast.

The Faithful Husband

Husbands made a vow before God and before witnesses to love their wives unto death do they part.  God does not take that lightly.  Adultery is a very serious sin and God can not be mocked.  Husbands will pay severely with marital infidelity.  There is no room for compromise here. The lesson for husbands is to remain forever faithful to their wives.  Adultery, or even flirting with another woman which can lead to adultery in the heart, can shatter families, wreck a home, cause bankruptcy, destroy children’s faith in marriage, and can bring down the mightiest of men.  We return to Ephesians (5:3) again for Paul’s stern warning to husbands, as well as wives, writing:

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Needless to say, committing adultery may be going past the point of no return in a marriage.   Exodus 20:14 is the seventh commandment where God warns couples to not commit adultery.  Ephesians 5:5 says: “No whoremonger, no unclean person has an inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and of God.” Colossians 3:6, we are told that fornication, uncleanness, and inordinate affection will cause “the wrath of God to come upon the children of disobedience.”   Adultery can come from the heart as Jesus declares in Matthew 5:28, “Whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

For husbands, adultery in the heart is one of the most frequent of problems in this society.  Pornography destroys lives and devalues women.  Pornography, unfortunately, is far too accessible; on the Internet, on cable, pay-per-view, TV, and in magazines.  Pornography is just as serious as adultery, for when a man lusts after a woman in their heart, they have in essence committed adultery.

Loving Your Wife Like Christ

Men are the head of the household in the biblical model, but Christ is the head of man.  Men are commanded to be the spiritual leaders- but not the spiritual dominators.  Few women that I have heard of where their husband loved them in a supernatural way, as Christ loved the church, have ever had any problem with submitting to them.  Submission is easier when the one to whom they submit loves them enough to sacrifice his own life for them – to the point of dying for them.  Marriage has been described as a miracle in itself because it takes two opposites with great difference and these two polar opposites must live together, co-exist together, and cooperate as one.

Ephesians 5:25-28 shows what type of love husbands ought to show their wives; “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” This is something that husbands can not do in their own strength.  It takes a supernatural empowerment by the Holy Spirit.  It is not within human strength, power or capacity to love someone like Christ loves the church.  In the foot washing, Jesus Christ washes the feet of the disciples.  Even though He is their Lord and Master, and very God, He was a servant.  He came to serve and not to be served. He gave His life as a ransom for His bride (the church).  Husbands:  good luck with this.  You will need God’s help in this but we are told to love our wives just as Christ loves the church.

Christ was also forgiving. Even while they were crucifying Him, He told God the Father to forgive them because they didn’t know what they were doing.  Husbands must be forgiving.  They can not hold onto past grievances like stock and bonds only to cash them in some day.  To bring up old issues is to not be loving their wives as Christ loved and does love the church.  He gave Himself up for us and so husbands must give up themselves – including their own interests – for their wives.  Husbands, love your wives like Christ loves you.  We always get into trouble when we say “you always and you never.”  These types of sentences are condemning and judgmental.  Absolutes like these make forgiveness impossible and tell them that things can never change.  Christ loved us while we were still enemies.  So husband must love their wives…like their own bodies, like a sacrificial lamb that Christ was, and like the mercy and grace we received.  There are fewer things a husband can do where a wife would not happily submit to their authority.  That is truly how to love your wife.

LOVE AS A WAY OF LIFE

Some say love is an act of benevolence. That is not totally true. People can do a beneficial action with an unloving attitude.

The husband who says with a harsh voice, "OK, I'll take the garbage out if you will get off my back" has not performed an act of love.

The husband who mows the grass simply because his wife has been nagging him for weeks is doing a kind act, but it may be done to silence her critical words.

The wife who agrees to be sexually intimate with her husband simply out of a sense of duty or guilt is not performing an act of love, either.

Love is the choice to cooperate with God in serving your spouse. The individuals who truly love see themselves as God's agents for enriching the lives of their marriage partner. For them, love is a way of life. They are constantly looking for ways to help, encourage and support the partner.

Such love often stimulates warm, romantic feelings in the heart of the spouse. Emotions are the icing on the cake. But without a loving attitude and appropriate behavior, the icing will melt.

A man I spoke of in the first part of this series, the one who sat in my office complaining that he did not love his wife, eventually discovered the biblical concept of love. And with the help of God, he committed himself to loving his wife. His wife reciprocated his love, and their marriage was reborn.

I have seen this happen hundreds of times over the past 15 years as I have counseled couples. It can also happen in your marriage.

The Scriptures say the Holy Spirit pours the love of God in our hearts (Romans 5:5).

God wants to use you in your marriage. Ask Him to give you a loving attitude toward your spouse and to pour out His love through you. It is a prayer God will answer.

HOW TO RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND

And let the wife see that she respects her husband.  That’s what Paul wrote in the second half of Ephesians 5:33. Respect is something that I believe has diminished throughout the years.

So many marriages begin well and end poorly because men and women are not properly trained in how to treat one another. God has specific roles for the husband and the wife and when we stay within those roles we have happy marriages and good family lives.  Respect is something that should be mutual between all members of the family, but for this article I want to give some helpful hints for wives on how to respect their husbands.

Respect His Leadership 

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

God gave you your husband as the leader in your home.  This means that he is not only the Spiritual leader; he is the one who make decisions.  Women are ill-equipped to make large decisions; we are far too emotional for that big responsibility. Your part in the decision process could be to help him be the leader by providing him with information that will aid in decision-making. And remember that just because you provided information, this does not mean that your husband will consider that information.  He chooses what to use in the decision process; a wise husband will ask for his wife’s advice.  When he chooses not to consider your information and/or advice let him take responsibility for the decision, be it good or bad.  Never, ever say “I told you so” or words to that effect when a decision has gone bad.  When he makes good decisions thank him for taking that burden. Remember to avoid getting leadership and advice from other males in your life such as your pastor, friend or even your brother. Take a look at what the Bible says about your husband’s role as leader and head of the wife:

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 

Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Respect His Provision 

This is a Biblical principle that has been overlooked in our modern world.  In the day of the two-income family, we have come to depend upon the wife’s income to provide for the needs of the family. This ought not to be. Don’t misunderstand; I realize that sometimes it is necessary for a woman to work outside of the home, in the case where the husband is physically unable.  However, when your husband is able to provide for the family – let him do it! Here is the Biblical standard on the husband as the provider: 

Genesis 3:17-20 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife  and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you;  in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Respect His Maleness

Accept the fact that God made you the weaker vessel. This is one of those things that has taken me many years to do.  I am a strong willed woman and many times I have tried to do things that I needed not to do. I now am thankful that my husband carries the heavy packages and opens the doors for me. He is being what God has made him to be, my protector – not only for safely sake but for my own health and well-being. You were created for him, as his helper. Let your husband be the strong one and when he is, praise him for it and thank God for him. Let him open that pickle jar; even if you loosened it for him. Here are some Bible verses for this hint:

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Respect as an Attitude

There are times when the husband is not respectful to the wife. This does not give you license to be disrespectful. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your reactions. You see, respect is not only seen in your actions (as a verb) but it is also seen in your attitude (as a noun). When you show an attitude of respect toward your husband he will think twice about the way that he is treating you. Love him, even when he is unlovely. Serve him, even when he seems not to appreciate your service. Listen to him, even when you may not understand what he is talking about. Be attentive to his physical needs, even when you are tired.  God will bless you and your marriage when you remember to have a respectful attitude.  Bible guidelines for this are:

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Philippians 2:3-4 (KJV) Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives

Respect His Reputation 

Don’t air your dirty laundry. When you are in the company of others you should never be saying things that tear your husband down. Instead you should be saying only good about him. Brag on him! Be faithful to him in thought, word and deed. This includes what you say and do in front of the children. Teach them to respect their Daddy, he is their protector too and they should see him as a hero. The Bible is loaded with this concept, here are a few verses:

Proverbs 12:7 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 

Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. 

Respect His Home 

Make your house a home, no matter what the living circumstance. Make it comfortable and clean. Make the bed. Clean up the dirty dishes. Keep up with the laundry. Your husband works hard and he deserves a cozy home after a hard day. Get up before your husband and the children – set the tone for the day.  When you have things in order your day will run smoother for your entire household. Teach the children to clean up after themselves and how to do daily and weekly chores. All this should be done without grumbling or complaining.

Proverbs 14:1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 

Proverbs 31:27 she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning 

Titus 2:4-5 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Respect Yourself; Work on Being The Best Wife 

Being a wife doesn’t just happen. I am thankful that many years ago I had a group of very godly wives praying for me when I was a career-bound wife and mom. I believe to this day that they “prayed” me home! They were not perfect women, nor am I. The thing that I want to encourage you in is that there are other women out there that have been where you are. They are the women who successfully manage a home and may even have a bushel of children that they are raising as well. Learn from them. Ask them how they do it. See if there is a lady’s Bible study group in your church that you can join. Get some Christian girlfriends if you haven’t already done that.  Above all, get daily in the Word.  Pull your resources together so that you are able to have an organized time with the Lord each day. Personal Spiritual growth is essential for your relationship with God and ultimately with your husband. Redeem the time, spend time doing things that you know will please the Lord.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Ephesians 5:15-16 (KJV) See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Colossians 4:5 (KJV) Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.

2 Timothy 2:15 (KJV) Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

WHERE DID THE THIEF ON THE CROSS GO?

Jesus said to the thief on the cross “today you will be with me in paradise.” The thief obviously acknowledged that Jesus was the true God, and God saved him. When he died he went to heaven. We are spirit beings having a human experience. Our spirits are always awake. According to the Word we go to hell or heaven when we die. So why are Dr. Veith's beliefs so totally in contrast to all the information he has given and preached on? Please give me his opinion or answers from the Word.

Let's look at that verses you were speaking of:

"And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:42-43).

This passage seems to indicate that the thief went with Jesus to paradise that day. But when we look at John 20:17, we see something else:

"Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God."

We see very clearly that Jesus did not go to heaven that day. So, is the Bible contradicting itself? Not at all. It is a matter of faulty punctuation. You see, when the Bible was translated into the English language, the translators took the liberty to put in the punctuation. Sometimes the punctuation was put in rather strange places.

When Jesus spoke to the thief on that dark Friday afternoon He did not go to heaven that day, for he did not burst forth from the tomb until early Sunday morning. The verse is perfectly logical if it is punctuated in this manner:

"And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee today, thou shalt be with me in paradise."

Jesus was making a promise on the day that He did not look like a king. On that very day, Jesus made the promise that the thief would be with Him in paradise one day at a future time.

This grammatical error does not mean that the Bible is not inspired. However, it does mean that it is difficult to match punctuation in the Bible when it is translated from one language into another. But, I praise God that every word is inspired.

You assume that the thief went to heaven when he died. This is a very popular misconception, but the truth of God’s Word tells us a different story. What the disciples originally believed was that when a man died he re-mained dead until the resurrection. Have you ever noticed that in the many accounts of persons who were risen from the dead, there is not one word about what the individual experienced “on the other side” of death? This was because there was nothing to experience — the person simply passed into what the Bible calls a “sleep” (a word used more often than any other to describe death in the Bible) until the resurrection.

In Daniel 12:2 we are told that “...many of them that sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlast-ing life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.” Paul wrote the 15th chapter of 1 Corinthians to teach the absolute truth of the resurrection. Have you ever asked “What’s the point of the resurrection if everyone goes to heaven or hell when they die?” Did Christ rob Lazarus of the enjoyment of Heaven by calling him back to life — and why were the disciples so lacking in curiosity that no one asked Lazarus what it was like to die? The an-swer is simple: there was nothing to tell, so no one asked.

When Paul is describing the “King of kings, and the Lord of lords” in 1 Timothy 6:16 he tells us that the Lord is the one “...who only hath immortality.” So when do human beings become immortal? Paul tells us when in 1 Corinthians 15:51 - 54 where he describes the resurrection “..at the last trump.” Paul comforted believers with the resurrection, not the idea of an ectoplasmic consciousness after death. Platonic Greek philosophy has warped the plain truth of the Bible to support spiritualistic teachings belonging to the “new age” movement! Our hope of immortality is not based on the heathen idea of an ‘immortal soul,’ but on the assurance that Jesus will raise us to life at the resurrection.

In Psalm 146:4 the psalmist describes death by telling us “His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish.” This inspired Scripture would not be true if the man’s thoughts continued via an “immortal soul” in heaven.

It is worth noting that even the thief on the cross did not expect to go to heaven immediately. Remember what he asked Jesus: “... Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.” (Luke 23:42). He was asking Christ to remember him when He came into His glorious kingdom. That explains why Jesus answered him by saying “Verily I say unto thee today, thou shalt be with me in paradise.” Punctuation marks came into use only 400 years ago — and the marks were put into the text according to the fallible theology of the translator.

FACING YOUR PROBLEMS

The Path to Pure Joy

What can you do when God doesn’t take away your problems?Who pays when you run from your problems?What can you do when someone else’s problems affect you?How do your problems put you on the path to maturity?How can you take hold of God’s joy when you have problems?

Do you know any Christians who are not happy? How recently have you heard a Christian complain about a problem he or she was encountering?

God clearly promises pure joy to His children. So why are so many Christians unhappy, disgruntled, and some down right ugly?

What would need to change in your life for you to be able to say, “My life is full of pure joy!”

God’s path to pure joy is spelled out in James 1:2-4. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (NIV)

I memorized these verses some years ago, but as I looked at these verses recently I saw a new insight. The path to pure joy is not having problems—the path to God’s pure joy is mine when I face my problems. Many people live with the false belief that if they had less problems, or if they had no problems—that is the path to pure joy. But this clearly contradicts the simple truth of God’s word.

What is our typical response to problems?

We ignore them.We deny them We run from them We rationalize them We blame them on someone else—an enemy, a friend, a neighbor, a family member, or the devil.We pray and ask God to take the problems away.

But our obsession with getting rid of the problem may cause us to miss what God wants us to learn. We blame it on the devil, failing to see God’s hand in it, not seizing this as an opportunity to draw closer to God and experience His pure joy.

Before you write me off and say, “Wiza, you obviously don’t know about the problems I’m facing,” look with me at what James says about how to experience God’s pure joy.

James says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3 NIV) Every test, temptation, or trial is an opportunity to use God’s faith—His mighty power.

When I put God’s power to the test, will God fail me? Never! One reason I can have joy when I face my problems is that His power will see me through.

Who Pays When You Run From Your Problems?

When Jonah* decided to run from his problems, he had to pay—real cash. He paid to ride a boat headed the opposite direction of his problem.

But when he runs from one problem, he ends up right in the middle of another problem—a violent storm at sea.

The sailors on the ship fear for their lives, and end up throwing all their cargo overboard in an attempt to save their ship, and their lives.

Jonah finally admits he is the cause of all their problems and tells them to throw him overboard. These innocent sailors experience a great financial loss because of Jonah’s decision to run from his problem.

Only when Jonah faces his problem do the innocent sailors experience freedom from the damaging consequences of Jonah’s problems.

When Jonah faces his “problems”——going to preach to the city of Nineveh—a great revival comes, and thousands repent and turn to God.

*This story is found in the Bible in the book of Jonah.

Facing Your Problems Can be Painful
Towela used drugs for several years. Every time she was arrested, her dad would bail her out. She always promised to change—but it never lasted. Soon she would be back to her addictions and her life of crime.

Arrested again for drug related crime, she pled with her father to bail her out again. He was ready to mortgage his home to pay bail. But her brother stepped in and convinced Dad not to bail her out.

So for 7 months she sat in jail. Forced to face her problems, she finally began to see the destruction going on in her life. She didn’t die in jail—she met God! Ladies from a local church came weekly for a Bible study. For the first time Towela learned about Jesus and how to experience His salvation. She began to develop a personal relationship with Jesus.

Since then she has been facing her problems, not running from them. Does she have joy? Lots of it! Does she still have problems—lots of them. The joy of Jesus has put a light in her eyes, and joy deep in her heart.

What brought her to the place of joy?—facing her problems.

But many of us are afraid to face our problems. We reason—“my problems cause me pain. Facing my problems will only increase the pain, so the best solution is to run from my problems.”

That was the logic that Gampani lived by for years. “Once I began facing my problems, I did encounter pain. But then I experienced God’s help and healing, and now I feel pretty good,” he said with a smile.

What to Do—Not How

Let’s be clear—James 1:2 tells us what we are to do, “consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds.” (NIV) But it does not give a detailed strategy on how to experience this pure joy. We need to look beyond this verse in James for that help.

James 1:3 gives a key part of the “how to” answer. Facing these problems is really a testing of my faith. These problems provide me the opportunity to learn how to use God’s faith—His power—in facing these problems.

God’s power is real and more than adequate. Your role is to prove to yourself that you can effectively handle God’s power in the context of this problem.

It’s much like a race car driver—the car has the power. But can the driver effectively use that power and complete the race and win? This takes perseverance.

When Someone Else’s Problems Affect You
James talks of facing “trials of many kinds.” Sometimes the problems are the results of our own decisions. Other trials are when somebody else’s problem causes damage in our lives.

In the Old Testament, a young man, David, went to visit his brothers who were at war with the Philistines. When he came to the camp, he found everyone trembling in fear because of Goliath.

When David offers to fight Goliath, his brothers get angry. But David’s offer is reported to the king. The king tries to get David to use his armor, which David declines. He goes out to battle Goliath, confident that God will give him the power to win.

“David said to the Philistine, ‘You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head…. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s and he will give all of you into our hands.’” (1 Samuel 17:45-47 NIV)

When David faced his problem—Goliath—God’s deliverance came quickly. David understood that the victory is the result of God’s power working through him. Clearly there was great joy as the army of Israel went to bed that night. But the greatest amount of “pure joy” must have been in David’s heart, because he had faced the problem—all the others were simply observers.

Not all our problems fit the David and Goliath situation.

Tshego was sexually abused by her stepfather for 10 years. As a young adult she lived with fierce rage against her stepfather and her mother who allowed this to continue for so many years. “Since coming to Christ, I’ve learned that God can bring healing into my life where I was so deeply damaged. God is restoring me—it’s a difficult process.”

“For many years I used drugs to hide the pain of abuse,” she said with a touch of sadness. “But now God is giving me freedom from my hurts of the past. I can now forgive those who hurt me and pray for them and have compassion for them.”

When God Doesn’t Take Your Problems Away
Paul talks of another kind of trial he faced as a missionary. He describes it as “a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7 NIV) This is no tiny problem—this was a big time hassle. He even attributes it to Satan.

So what does Paul do? This mighty man of God prays—“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8 NIV) Paul’s first, second, and third response to this problem was to cry out to God—“take it away!”

His first three responses were not to thank God for the problem. He did not rebuke the devil. He didn’t claim his deliverance. Sometimes claiming deliverance is really a form of denying reality. Paul pleads with God for deliverance.

God answers Paul—“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV) No miraculous deliverance came from God—the problem stayed in Paul’s life.

Paul discovered the same truth James talks about, “You’ve got to face this problem, and God’s faith—His power—is available to you.” The revelation from God to Paul contains an awesome promise—“My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV) God’s great power is available to help us deal “perfectly” with whatever test comes our way—especially when we are weak.

So how does Paul respond to God’s answer of “No,” when pleading for God to take away this problem? Does he get angry at God? Paul says, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9b-10 NIV)

Paul’s response shows that he chose to be happy even when the trial remained in his life. He now chose to delight in his weaknesses—why? Because that’s when God’s power can become perfect in him.

Paul’s joy is not based on problems—his focus is to delight on how God’s power can work in his life. The joy comes not in seeing the problem go away, the joy comes in seeing God’s power at work in his life.

The Path to Perseverance

This problem stayed in Paul’s life—perhaps for years! Which brings us to the next part of James' explanation of the path to joy—“the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:3b NIV) We don’t need perseverance for the quick solution. We need perseverance for the long haul—for the problems that just don’t go away.

Have you been facing a trial in your life for 5 years? or 20 years? Both Paul and James have the answer for you. God’s faith—God’s power—is available to see you through. That’s what perseverance is all about!

Many Christians don’t want to hear this, but God’s word clearly states it—some problems are here to stay for a long time.

Every day I get letters from people asking me to pray for their unsaved husband, or wife, or children. “My husband is addicted to drugs.” “Pray for my 12 year old granddaughter with a liver disease.” “Pray for my hateful neighbors.” “My daughter is living with an abusive husband. Pray for her.”

God’s awesome power is available to help us face the long term problem situations, not just for instant miracles. God’s power is available to help us develop perseverance as we face trials every day. When those trials are someone else’s problem “dumping garbage at our feet,” we can’t force that person to change. But we can use God’s power to respond to the situation with godly character.

I recently talked to a young married man. He struggles with sexual temptations, desiring a friendship with a certain woman. He’s hoping she will find a husband. But the solution is not for the other person to change. He must face his own problem even if the other person never changes.

Taking Hold of God’s Joy

It’s easy to tell someone else, “You should consider it pure joy when you face trials. God will help you!”

But to move into this place of pure joy yourself—when you are living with a problem—this can be very tough!

So how can you possess this “pure joy” when you are living with a major problem? You may have to do some tough self-talk. Paul talked about his struggle—“I take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)

You may have to do serious battle with your thoughts and emotions. Begin by standing on God’s truth, and keep His truth close to your heart. “I’m going to claim this promise of God for me today.”

Tim, a young college student, described his battle this way. “I have to keep rehearsing God’s truth, because if I listen to my emotions, I get confused.”

You may not feel joy as you face this problem—so fight to take hold of that joy! You’ve got to fix your eyes on Jesus and stand in His truth.

One strategy that may help you is to write down the problem you are facing and then write how you will respond to this problem today.

For example, “As I go through this day, and face this problem, I will quote James 1:2-4.” Or find another verse that speaks directly to the problem in your life.

You can make a list of the specific lessons God is teaching you through this problem. “I will look for God’s power to respond in His way to this problem.”

You can set as your goal, “I will do God’s will today in spite of this problem in my life.” Don’t let this problem rob you of the joy of completing what God wants you to do today.

At the end of the day, look for those “seconds of joy” you experienced today. Then look for the “minutes of joy” you experienced—then the hours of joy.

Tomorrow the battle to experience pure joy may have to start again with seizing “seconds of joy” before you find the “minutes” and “hours” of joy. But if you pursue God’s way of responding to each situation that you face today, you can possess this “pure joy” and accomplish all that God has for you to do today.

Joy is Not the Goal

The “pure joy” should not be our goal. This joy is the benefit of facing each problem with God’s help, and responding the way He wants us to.

If guilt, anger, sadness, depression, hopelessness or other negative emotions and attitudes seem to overwhelm you, it’s time to stand up and fight. Not the other people causing the problem—but fight your attitudes and emotions. “I refuse to allow these negative feelings to dominate me.”

Instead, you can choose to fix your eyes on Jesus and seize hold of His peace and joy, and walk in obedience to Him.

Every day you may need to do a major “housing cleaning” of your thoughts. The old negative thoughts may return every day—but you can choose to stand on God’s truth. Or you can go with the old familiar paths—back to anger, fear, frustration, etc.

Joshua in the Old Testament threw down a challenge to his people—“choose today whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Pure joy is the hidden reward that comes with each problem. And with these problems comes the path to maturity.

God’s Path to Maturity

James offers more benefits as we face our problems—over the long haul. “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:4 NIV)

We all want to be “mature and complete.” But God, just give me your blessing! Let this be my path to spiritual maturity!

But God’s word is clear—the path to maturity is learning how to face our problems with His power. God promises He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6 and Hebrews 13:5)

Our own decisions have taken us down paths filled with all kinds of problems. God’s solution requires us to do more than face our problems. He also calls us to be His disciples—to follow Him. Some of our problems are the result of failing to follow Him. We went our own way, and ended up in a big mess.

“Dealing with the immaturity of others really irritated me,” states John, a successful businessman. “I found these people made me angry and frustrated. I faced these problems every day—responding with anger—which only created more problems.”

It was only when John began to take a closer look at how God wanted him to respond that he began to experience God’s victory in his life. Facing our problems in our own strength, using our own wisdom, can be the formula for disaster, not joy.

Paul discovered the secret of joy in his life—learning to let God’s power work through him in his times of weakness. Pure joy is yours if you will simply reach out and take it—with the “strings” God attaches—face trials of many kinds, and use His power to deal with them.

Conclusion

As you look at the problems in your life today—take time to do a reality check in 2 areas. First, what are your attitudes toward this problem? What is the attitude Jesus would have toward this problem?

Second, what are the tools and strategies you will use to face this problem and respond God’s way? God has an abundance of pure joy waiting for each of His children. As we approach the days ahead, we can have confidence that no problem will be too big for God—His power will see us through.

The more problems we face, the greater our potential to experience God’s pure joy. God’s promise to Paul is also for you, “My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

GOD ALWAYS HAS THE WAY TO TAKE YOU THROUGH YOUR TROUBLES

Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him. (Job 13:15)

When all hope seems lost, remember that it is not all lost to the God of the impossible. He can take you through your weariness and pain and bring you to a place of peace. We are in a fallen world and not all things will work out as we hoped.  We do not know the future or what is going to happen. Therefore,God has promised that in spite of your struggle, he will work out all things for your good. That is truth.

Your cirucumstance, however painful it might be, is only the path that God is using to reveal more of himself to you. Your troubles cannot defeat you. They may appear to be taking you down but actually they are helping you to rise above them. You are made stronger for having gone through them.  Nothing can be taken from you without God’s permission. It is His to give and His to take. But remember, no good will God withhold from those who love him. (Psalm 84:11)

Dear friends, what God removes from your life is part of his plan to give you so much more.  You have to learn to trust him. You must stand in faith no matter how great the storm that overwhelms your life. The Lord brings the tide in and he takes it out. He controls the wind and the rain. The sun rises at his command. He certainly can perfect his purpose for your life and provide for what you need.

 Don’t let your weariness make you think that God does not care when your prayers seem unanswered.  His mercy and love are with you even now. He knows what he is doing in your life. He sees your tears and he holds them in a bottle. He does not forget your name or where you are.  He is the God of all possibility and ultimately all things must bow to his will for your life.

The days are growing short and evil is abounding. Take joy knowing that even through the tempest, the hand of God is in full control. He will never fail you nor will he let anything in this world destroy.

Be strong, my friends. Jesus died to give you peace no matter what happens here. Even the death of a loved one cannot impede the purpose he has for you. He knew your name long before the foundation of the earth. Trust that even in death that God will be with you.  That is the hope that separates believers from the rest of the world.

GOD'S PROMISES ARE REAL

But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor.15:57)

It is easy to lose hope when your troubles surround you. Uncertainty and doubt can fill you with fear especially when there seems to be no way out of your pain.

Jesus told us in his world that we would have many troubles here on earth. He knew the times and what was to come.  However, Jesus also wanted us to know that despite our problems, we can stand firm knowing that he has overcome the world. He is the Hope of all things impossible. He is the restorer of dreams and the power to overcome. There is nothing that can crush a true believer because all the force of heaven lives in the heart of those who belong to Christ. A royal army stands ready to fight for you.

Jesus is the strength to overcome all that comes against you so it is sad to watch as people turn instead to substance abuse to silence their pain.  Many good people have sold out their future to alcohol or drugs. They becomes bonded to the poison that is destroying their lives and that of their families. It can happen to anyone. Some of the nicest people are secretly coping with an addiction.  They feel lost and out of control because they are trying to carry this burden on their own. That will never bring victory because Jesus never meant for anyone to fight their battles alone.

We are told in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful;” he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

The truth in this verse is that we are all weak in our flesh but we have hope through Christ. He will provide the way out so that you cannot be destroyed by your struggle. He is always the strength you need to overcome.  We are told in Scripture that God’s power is manifested through our weakness. We have been made victors over all of our battles when our trust is in Christ.  He is the only power you need to conquer all that comes against you. He will not fail to take you through your pain and bring peace in your life.  Nothing is impossible through the One who paid the price to give you an abundant life through every storm.

In Isaiah 26:3 we read. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trust in you”. Your weakness cannot stop your future.  There is no impossible situation that can stop his purpose for your life. Jesus gives you victory over all of the obstacles that stand in your way. He has given you life and he will take you to the end of your life according to his perfect plan.

No matter what troubles or addictions that you face in this life, remember that Jesus has indeed overcome the world and all of its struggles. Put your complete trust in him. By surrendering your weakness to the power of Christ, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

My dear friends, I understand that you are facing many painful trials in this life. We all are. Take hope for Jesus has overcome the troubles of this world.. While we are waiting on him to meet us in our struggle, he is working out a deliberate, divine, eternal plan for your life. You are not forgotten nor are you ever without hope. Have faith and stay in peace knowing that in the eternal plan, it is already worked out. Cease striving and rest. Your God will not fail you. 

THINKING AND LOVING

“We need not think alike to love alike.”

The next time you get into an argument with someone you love, remember that it’s not important who wins the battle of the head games. Love is not affected by what we think, it is something we feel, and here’s a reminder that you don’t have to think alike in order to love each other. It’s more interesting to have someone you love that has a different way of thinking on an issue or a topic than you do. It will open your own mind and you’ll open theirs a bit, and you can still love each other with that love going untouched even during a heated exchange of words.

INFINITE LOVE

“Only in the eyes of love you can find infinity.”

Love is infinite because it is a positive energy, and you can get a glimpse of that when you look into the eyes of someone that is in love, or that loves you. Have you ever locked gazes with the love in your life and seen that the love they have for you goes on and on? If not you should try it out today and you’ll be blown away. The eyes really are windows into the soul and if that soul is emitting positive love it will be apparent in their eyes. You’ll also be transmitting this into theirs and they’ll be blown away by the power of this love.

TIME AND LOVE

“Time has no dominion over love. Love is the one thing that transcends time.”

Time as we are familiar with it is just a creation that we use, and love has no connection to it. Love keeps right on going regardless of time, because it’s not confined to our physical presence and subjected to the same laws that we are. It’s almost silly to think of love and time simultaneously because one has nothing to do with the other. “Timeless love” is a redundant phrase because love is timeless at its core.

THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

You’ve just go to keep loving more and more if you’ve been hurt by love. Love can sometimes hurt, but there’s only one solution and that’s to keep loving, not to stop loving. If your answer to being hurt by love was to stop loving, it only makes things worse and keeps you from amazing experiences. Love is a powerful force, and anything that powerful can also cause pain, but there’s only one way to get past that and that’s to love even more. Love yourself, love your family, and don’t be afraid to fall in love again.

CREATING LOVE

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

It’s true that the perfect lover isn’t out there, it’s about creating the perfect love with the person that you care about most. The notion that someone is out there that is perfect for you is based on a false premise. You are the creator of your world, so you don’t need to seek them out and find them like the dating sites say you do, you are creating things in your own reality, and that is true about the love of your life just as much as anything else. So get busy today creating the perfect love in your life.

WHAT HE REALLY WANTS

“I really just want to be warm yellow light that pours over everyone I love.”

Here’s an amazing sentiment that gets down to the base of what feeling love for others really means. It’s like a nice warm glow that you can shine on everyone you really care about. You can also let it shine on people you don’t even know. It doesn’t have to be an actual physical thing, you can just radiate good vibrations to them and see how they respond. Not everyone will accept your loving vibes, but that’s on them. It matters not who responds, just that you hold that feeling in your own heart.

LOVE AND POWER

“If you could only love enough, you could be the most powerful person in the world.”

Love is a very powerful thing, and those that can wield it hold a great advantage over those that don’t. This isn’t the sort of power that is often talked about, like being the president of a country, or the CEO of a major corporation. It’s a different sort of power, one that anyone can have, and we can all be the most powerful person in the world. When you’re bursting with love things are bound to go your way, that’s just how amazing it is.

RECOGNIZING YOURSELF

“To love is to recognize yourself in another.”

It’s interesting to think that the things we love about another are probably qualities that we have ourselves, or that we wish we had. This doesn’t mean you’re being narcissistic when you love someone else, it’s just saying that we’re all one and we’re all in this together so when you see yourself in another and love that person you are contributing to the overall amount of love in existence. It’s also great to think that those that love you have found a bit of themselves in you.