RELATIONSHIP LOVE AND MARRIAGE

There are many different types of relationships we can have with one another, from friendship, romantic love to parental or sibling love, or working relationships.  Whilst love can feel wonderful and bring much joy and happiness, it can also bring much pain.  Yet it is through pain that we learn the most. 

To live without love is to not live at all and shrivels the soul, and we learn nothing. 

But there are ways to be in relationship with others that is positive and uplifting to yourself and to the other, even if the relationship doesn't last forever.  In love relationships we have much to learn from the other.  The important people in our lives (actually all people in our lives) are really mirrors.  We draw to us those who will help us learn about ourselves.  Each time we are presented with a challenge in a relationship, we are really being presented with an 'opportunity' to look inside ourselves to see what about us it is that needs working on, so that we may grow. 

As an example, if a partner behaves in a way that elicits let's say, jealousy, in us, then they are actually triggering an emotion inside us that is incomplete - that is the 'mirror'.  We look at that emotion that has been triggered and so rather than point a finger at the other one (that is us being a 'victim'), we look at our 'jealousy' and see that we have an issue with 'jealousy' and there is our opportunity to change that about ourselves.  Jealousy is a fear that we are not good enough, and therefore we can then see that if we worked on our 'not-good-enough' belief, then regardless of the other person's behaviour, we would no longer experience 'jealousy (that is us taking back our power). 

We can't change another, only ourselves.

CHILENGEDWE CHIMAPEREKA UTHENGA WA CHIYEMBEKEZO NDI CHITONTHOZO

Akutuma akasupe mu zigwa, amene ikuyenda mwa mapiri. Iwo anapereka kumwa zinyama zonse za kuthengo; ndi Mbidzi kuthetsa ludzu lawo. Salmo 104: 10, 11, NKJV.

Nature ndi vumbulutso omwe umboni za chikondi cha Mulungu. Atate wathu wakumwamba ndiye gwero la moyo, nzeru, ndi chimwemwe. Tayang'anani pa zopambana ndi zokongola zinthu zachilengedwe. Taganizirani zabwino zimene anatengera kwa zosowa ndi chimwemwe, osati wa anthu, koma wa amoyo onse zolengedwa. Dzuŵa ndi mvula, kuti kusangalatsa ndi polimbikitsa dziko lapansi, mapiri ndi nyanja ndi zigwa, onse akulankhula nafe a Mlengi chikondi. Ndi Mulungu amene amapereka zinthu zofunika kwa zolengedwa zake.

Mu kukongola mawu a wamasalmo: "Maso a onse ayembekezera pa iwe; ndipo inu munandipatsa awo zakudya pa nthawi yake. Inu openest dzanja lako, ndipo satisfiest chilakolako cha zamoyo zonse "(Salmo 145: 15, 16).

Mulungu anapanga Adamu ndi Hava Woyera mwangwiro ndipo wosangalala; ndi chilungamo lapansi, monga izo anachokera Mlengi wa dzanja, analibe choipitsa cha oipa kapena mthunzi wa temberero. Ndi kulakwa kwa lamulo la Mulungu-lamulo la chikondi kuti wabweretsa tsoka ndi imfa.

Komabe ngakhale pakati pa Kuvutika chifukwa cha uchimo, chikondi cha Mulungu chawululidwa. Kwalembedwa kuti Mulungu anatemberera nthaka chifukwa cha munthu (Genesis 3:17). The munga ndi nthula-mavuto ndi mayesero moyo wina movutikira ndi chisamaliro-anasankhidwa kuti tipindule monga mbali ya maphunziro chofunikira pa chikonzero cha Mulungu wathu wolimbikitsa kwa chitayiko ndi kunyoza kuti uchimo unabweretsa.

Dziko, ngakhale atagwa, si onse chisoni ndi mavuto. Mu chirengedwe ndi uthenga wa chiyembekezo ndi chitonthozo. Pali maluwa pa nthula, ndipo minga okutidwa ndi maluwa.

"Mulungu ndiye chikondi" kwalembedwa pa kutsegula Mphukira, pa spire wa otumphukira udzu. The wokondeka mbalame kupanga mlengalenga mawu awo wosangalala songs, ndi modyerera tinted maluwa awo ungwiro zodzinunkhiritsa mlengalenga, wodzikuza mitengo ya m'nkhalango ndi wolemera masamba ndi moyo wobiriwira umboni kuti mtima, chisamaliro cha Mulungu wathu ndi wake wofuna kukhala ana ake osangalala.

SIGNS YOU’RE BEING SELFISH IN THE RELATIONSHIP

It’s hard for a selfish person to see their selfish side. But these signs will definitely tell you if you’re being selfish in your relationship!

It’s never easy to know if you’re being selfish or giving in a relationship.

After all, you have to understand that selfishness is more of a perspective than a matter of fact.

In the middle of a discussion with your lover, do you ever feel like you could give in, but choose not to give in only because you think it makes you appear weak?

Do you believe your partner would take you lightly or tread all over you if you constantly give in, even if the consequences of giving in make no difference to you?

Aren’t we all just a little selfish?

All of us can be selfish at times, especially when we want something badly.

And it’s definitely not a bad thing.

But if your selfish streak is less of an occasional occurrence and more of a behavioral trait, that’s something you need to pay attention to.

A balance of powers exists in every relationship.

A happy relationship hinges on a perfect balance, and even a slight change in the balance changes the way one or both partners look at the relationship.

If your partner ever feels like they’re the one who’s doing all the giving, while you’re the one who’s doing all the taking, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship starts to go downhill. 

Your needs and your selfishness

Firstly, don’t ever neglect your own needs. After all, you can give your lover more happiness only when you’re full of happiness yourself. Being selfless in a relationship is a sign of unconditional love, but being too selfless can make even the nicest people take your niceness for granted!

And at times, your selfless nature could be the catalyst to an abusive relationship where you’d be controlled all the time by someone who didn’t even want to control you in the first place.

How can you tell if you’re being selfish in the relationship?

Selfishness is sign of self gratification. If you’re too self centered and believe your needs are more important than everyone else’s needs, you’re probably a selfish person even if you don’t think so.

The first step to stop being selfish is realization. You need to realize that as big or difficult as your problems may seem to you, to someone else, their own problems may appear just as demanding or difficult.

Has your partner ever told you you’re being selfish in the middle of a discussion? It takes a lot of effort and repeated occurrences of selfishness for your lover to make such a statement.

It’s not something people say easily, so if your lover ever tells you that you’re selfish, think very hard about it. There’s probably a big reason behind why they’d accuse you of something so painful.

Communication and selfishness

If your partner ever accuses you of being selfish in the relationship, don’t hate them for it or get angry in return. Complete the discussion, and when the flaring tempers cool down, talk to your partner and try to find out why they believe you’re being selfish.

Prod your partner even if they apologize or tell you that they didn’t really mean it. If your partner could blurt out an accusation like that, there’s a good chance that some part of them believes you’re a selfish person.

Selfishness and attention seeking partners

Sometimes, when a partner accuses you of being selfish, all they may be trying to tell you is that they want more of your attention. In all probability, they’ve been trying to get your attention by texting you goodnight and good morning texts, or buying you gifts, or taking you out often. And in response, they’re hoping you’d do something nice for them too.

You, on the other hand, may not realize this. And this simple confusion could lead to your partner believing you’re selfish or too self centered.

If your partner calls you selfish, and can’t really explain themselves to you, chances are, they’re just craving for your attention! All you need to do here is reciprocate their romantic gestures with your own signs of love.

Signs you’re being selfish in your relationship

Recognizing your selfish side isn’t the easiest thing to do, but there are a few cues that can help you see the traits and reflect on them. Use these  signs and find out if you’re being selfish in your relationship.

#1 Laziness. Are you usually excited to do something you enjoy? And if it’s something your partner wants to do *that you’re not particularly excited about*, do you get bored or restless easily and try to squirm out of it?

It could be something as simple as a chore or shopping for clothes together. If only the things you enjoy excites you, but sharing your partner’s happiness from the things that they enjoy don’t matter to you, that’s a good sign that you’re a rather selfish person.

#2 Your partner usually gives in. Every time there’s a discussion about something to do or someplace to go to, do you usually end up getting things your way even if that means leaving your partner sad or less-than-happy?

Your partner may give in each time because they love you unconditionally and want to see you happy. But it’s only a matter of time before they start to feel like their wants and desires are not addressed in the relationship.

#3 You believe your partner nags you. Do you ever find your partner repeating the same things to you several times, little seemingly insignificant lines like “can you pick up the towel?” or “did you forget that…?”

It could be irritating to hear your partner nag you all the time, but each time they nag, you need to realize that they’re not trying to annoy you, they’re only doing it because you aren’t listening to them. There are no naggers in happy relationships because both lovers try to keep each other happy, even if it means going out of the way once in a while.

#4 You believe what you do in life is more meaningful and worthwhile. You may have a better job or get a bigger paycheck, but that doesn’t mean you should get preferential treatment in the relationship. If you truly believe that you’re more important and your opinions matter more, you’re being conceited and selfish.

#5 Your partner is flawed. You see your partner as flawed and expect them to change for you *probably because you believe they aren’t good enough for you*. Even if you have the same flaws yourself, you believe those flaws aren’t so significant in your case.

A good example here is weight gain. You may want your partner to lose weight because you believe they look less-than-appealing right now. On the other hand, you may be obese, and yet, you may not believe you need to change or look better for your partner.

#6 You want it your way. You always like doing something your way or going to places you like even if your partner wants to do something different. If your partner coaxes you to do something else or go to a different place, you sulk or pout the whole while. And as soon as your partner gives in to your bidding and does what you say, you cheer up instantly and cozy up with your partner.

Your partner may feel good at that moment when you display your affection to them, but on the inside, all they’d be thinking is just how much of a spoilt brat you are!

#7 Your ego. You believe that losing an argument is a sign of weakness. And you just don’t like losing an argument or ending a discussion that goes against your way. This is something you do, not just in your relationship, but in every part of your life.

#8 You can’t trust your partner easily. You love your partner, but you’re always cautious about trusting them completely because you sincerely believe that you’re the only one who can ever achieve happiness for yourself. Even if you’re dating a great guy or girl, you always look out for yourself first before looking out for your lover’s needs, because you think that’s what your partner would do anyway!

#9 You can’t be unselfish. You may try to put your partner’s needs before yours or try to be nice to them and love them unconditionally, but you just can’t bring yourself to it. You constantly find yourself trying to sneak in a better deal for yourself in everything you do with your lover, be it about the better piece of chicken or the bigger slice of pizza, or even something bigger like planning the itinerary for a vacation.

#10 Competitive. Being competitive is good, but there’s a thin line between healthy competition and unhealthy sacrifices. Would you put your own partner down or walk all over their plans just to win something for yourself?

If you had an assignment or a lot of work, would you bat your eyelashes and sweet talk your boyfriend or girlfriend into dropping their work *and fail at it* just so you can do well in your own work?

#11 You don’t apologize. Do you get a hard lump in your throat each time you have to apologize to your partner? You may say you’re sorry very often when you don’t mean it or for trivial things, but when it’s something that really matters, do you hold yourself back or defend yourself even though you know you’re on the wrong?

On the other hand, do you get angry or upset if your partner doesn’t apologize to you for a mistake they committed? You may not think much of this behavior of yours, but your partner would definitely think you’re selfish and conceited.

#12 Emotional blackmail. Emotional manipulation is always a selfish low blow, however you look at it. Do you withhold sex, give the silent treatment or just ignore your partner when your partner doesn’t do something your way?

Your partner may eventually accept defeat and come your way, but not without resentment and annoyance at the back of their mind. If you want something, communicate with your lover. Hurting your lover emotionally and manipulating them into giving in is a selfish way of winning arguments.

Sometimes, it’s easy to assume we aren’t being selfish and that we’re just doing the right thing for the success of the relationship. But if you see these  selfish signs in yourself, chances are, you’re trying to attain happiness in love by going about it the wrong way!

THE BEAUTY OF NATURE REVEALS GOD’S CHARACTER

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1, 2, NKJV.

I once had the pleasure of beholding one of Colorado’s most beautiful sunsets. The great Master Artist had hung out on the shifting canvas of the heavens, for the benefit of all, both rich and poor, one of His finest paintings. It almost seemed that the gates of heaven were ajar that we might see the beauty there was within. Oh! thought I, as one after another passed without noticing the scene, if it had been painted by human hands, how many would have been ready to fall down and worship it!

God is a lover of the beautiful. He loves beauty of character, and He would have us cultivate purity and simplicity, the quiet graces of the flowers. We are to seek for the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

Parents, what kind of education are you giving your children? Are you teaching them to cherish that which is pure and lovely, or are you seeking to place their hands in that of the world? Are you spending time and means that they may learn the outward proprieties of life, and secure the superficial, the deceptive adornments of the world?

From their earliest childhood, open before them the great book of nature. Teach them the ministry of the flowers. Show them that if Jesus had not come to earth and died, we should have had none of the beautiful things which we now enjoy. Call their attention to the fact that the color and even the arrangement of every delicate bud and flower is an expression of the love of God to human beings, and that affection and gratitude to their heavenly Father should be awakened in their hearts for all these gifts.

Jesus, the greatest teacher the world ever knew, drew the most valuable illustrations of truth from scenes in nature. Parents, imitate His example, and use the things that delight the senses to impress important truths upon the minds of your children. Take them out in the morning, and let them hear the birds caroling forth their songs of praise. Teach them that we too should return thanks to the bountiful Giver of all for the blessings we daily receive. Teach them that it is not dress that makes the man or the woman, but that it is true goodness of heart.

WHAT DOES RESPECT LOOK LIKE TO HUSBANDS?

Just like wives need love, husbands need respect. God’s design for marriage is laid out here, in Ephesians 5, and His purpose goes WAY beyond the scope of the health of our individual marriages – although if we follow His design, we will have much healthier marriages.  God’s highest purpose in marriage is to showcase the intimate relationship between Christ and His people.  We are acting out a living parable where husbands represent Christ and wives represent the church to bring glory to God and to help our children and others around us grasp what God is like in a more concrete way.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

RESPECT

So here are some ideas of ways you can show respect to your husband.  Think of it like a buffet.  This is not a list of rules – but some ways some wives use to show respect that works for them. Some things may apply to your marriage, some may not. There are some things that speak respect to just about all husbands, but each man is unique, so you will need to possibly ask your husband about things – maybe just a few at a time – and learn what speaks respect best to him.  That is what matters most!  I had some husbands’ input on this list.  Thank you, gentlemen!

Please keep in mind that it is impossible for us to be godly or respectful wives in our own power. We MUST abide in Christ and His Spirit must regenerate our souls for us to have the power to truly respect and honor Him and our husbands. (The Answer to All of Your Marriage Problems)

With His Job

It’s important to realize here that what a man does is a part of who he is.  This is part of the reason that the first thing one man will probably ask the other is “what do you do?”  I think that a lot of wives lose out on connections that they can make with their husbands because they want to separate him from his work– and yet that work is what he does for most of his day.

Let him know how much you appreciate the work that he does.If his company has a get together, don’t try to get out of it.Learn something about his profession– so that you’re at least conversant.Just like you’d like him to ask you about your day, ask him about his.Find out what he wants to do with his life.try to support his dreams and ambitionsPrepare a snack just for him and his coworkers (the people in his office will look up to him!)Send him thoughtful or playful texts while he’s at work.Include a brief note of praise in his lunch (if he brings one).See him off in the morning.Welcome him home from the day.

At Your Church

It’s hard to argue that church is not a place that a man should lead.  Many places in the Scripture men are called to be leaders of the home, they’re given jobs to do and roles to fill, but you are probably the most important piece to his ability to find respect and leadership in the church.  Why?  Because people will be looking to see how he leads his family, how he cares for them, and whether his family respects him.  What you show or do not show reflects on him even more in this setting.

If you find it appropriate, cover your head. (I Corinthians 11:3-16)Encourage him in his abilities.Talk positively about him.Defer to him when asked about making time commitments.If you have a question about something in the sermon, ask him first before going to the preacher/teacher.Actually, finding something to talk about or ask about the sermon would be a great way to show respect, even if you know the answer.  Show him that you care about his thoughts and ideas on the subject!If your husband doesn’t ordinarily attend, then praise him when he does.Thank him for taking the family to church.Let your husband know that you are praying for God to give him wisdom as the spiritual leader of the family.Encourage him to participate in men’s groups where appropriate – don’t begrudge him that time.Don’t make fun of his singing if he’s monotone!Praise him for getting involved.

In Your Home

In most cases, you are the master of your home.  You are probably there most of the time, you know how to clean it much better than he does, and you are probably given free reign to do with it as you please.  However, he will still want to claim some area as his– the den, an office, the garage.  There has to be some space that he is allowed to be as “organized” as he wants and that he can call his own.  Call it a guy thing.

Allow him to have a space that is defined as his.Ask him respectfully and with a pleasant tone of voice about projects you would like to be done around the house and an idea for when you want them done.Do not nag him to get the projects completed.Be clear in your requests, don’t make him guess.If what he does is not up to your standards, explain what you would prefer without being judgmental.Be his wife, not his mom.Allow his input into what you make for meals.Praise the things that he gets accomplished.Guard your tongue as to how you talk about some feature of the house you do not like– most likely he’s providing for it and he could take it as an attack on him or his ability to provide well for the family.Make the house presentable, but don’t stress over being perfect.Home is where you are, more than the house, if you’re stressed, he will be upset.Respect that he sees women all day long that have prepared themselves to be in public– what do you look like when he sees you?Clean out all clothing that doesn’t fit or he doesn’t like. (If he is ok with that, of course!)There’s a look that you know how to give…Massage his shoulders when he isn’t expecting it.Run your fingers through his hair.Sit down next to him and snuggle into his arm.Leave a note on his night stand that lists a few of the traits you respect in him.Write a message in the mirror he’ll see after he showers.

On Vacation

When going on vacation, it isn’t time to let up on letting him or encouraging him to lead.

Don’t question whether he knows how to get where he’s going.  Let him ask you if he wants help with directions.Ask him how much you should pack.Let him pack the car– it’s a big sign of manliness to figure out how to get all the luggage in thereHe’s goal oriented and will want to make it as far as he’s planned.  Try to keep stops to a minimum.Ask how far he wants to get that day.Do what you can to keep the commotion down.Take turns driving if he would appreciate that.Realize that many men view the ability to drive the whole way manly– it’s not a comment about whether you can drive.Don’t blackmail with embarrassing vacation photos!Make sure he’s included in family photos– no one likes to see that they were never there.  But don’t force him to be in tons of pictures if he hates having his picture made!Plan time to make the vacation special with the two of you, even if you have brought the kids.Make sure that you get the proper amount of sleep– hard to be respectful when you’re fighting exhaustion!Let him know what you would like to do on the vacation, that way he’s not taken by surprise.Try to stick to the plan.  Some things can’t be helped, but not keeping to a plan can be frustrating.Enjoy yourselves– it will let him feel like he’s providing a good time.Thank him for all that he does and for the wonderful trip.

At The Store

The store can be an infuriating place for a guy.  You’ve made the list, he doesn’t know what’s on it.  You know the brands, he wants to get in and out as fast as possible.  You’re there for clothing, he has nothing to do while you try things on.

Share lists, if possible– nothing’s more humiliating than having to follow you around as you dole out instructions.If you find something’s amiss, show him the right brand without judging the one he got– no huffing.Purchase more at once, if your husband is ok with that, this allows for fewer trips to the store.If you’re clothes shopping, plan to do it without the kids.Plan to get his input on your clothing choices.Don’t stick him holding your purse.Don’t take him if you don’t need him there.If you’re getting clothing, maybe to make it exciting, pick up something “just for him.”Try for efficiency.  He knows that his time is worth something, do you?If there’s something that he’s mentioned that is at the store, make sure that you get it– especially if he’s mentioned it more than once.Surprises are nice– for both people– so think about surprising him when he’s not looking if it is within your budget.

In Front of the Kids

Nowhere is order and respect more important than in front of the kids.  I’d also say that nowhere is it harder.  You’re in charge all day.  You have to make decisions, maintain discipline, teach, and be all that your kids and your house requires.  When your husband arrives home, it can be easy to look at him as just another person needing something, or to look at him as the cavalry where you can go veg out and he can take over.  Neither of these are necessarily helpful.

Stop what you are doing and smile, HUG him and KISS him like you mean it and say, “Welcome home!”  Teach the children to clean up a bit before Daddy comes home and then run to him and welcome him home.  Make that time special!If you have a concern about how he handled something, don’t question him in front of the kids.Get his input on decisions, especially bigger ones.If you ask his opinion, make sure you act on it– otherwise don’t ask.If he tells the kids something (either they can or can’t do something), don’t alter it, even if you think you know better.Make sure that you’re on the same page raising the kids.Escalate to him– children should know it’s a worse thing to have to be disciplined by dad.Realize that him not being there all day means less time he has to be consistent, and encourage him in consistency with discipline.Praise him to your kids when your kids are not around.Have your kids pray for him when he is not around.Talk with your kids about what he does– especially in his presence.Dad’s can get the impression that they’re just a wallet– teach gratitude.Encourage him to play with his kids, and provide space to do so.Show your kids how you love and respect him, and they will to.  The tone of voice you use and way you speak to your husband is the way your children will speak to him, too!Make your husband a priority over the kids.  They need to see that your relationship is important.Make date night a priority in your life– prepare for it, talk about it, etc.Make sure your kids know you are fixing your husband’s favorite meal.Help the kids prepare a treat for your husband.

Know that he’s not the perfect husband and you’re not the perfect wife, but start from the heart, and learn/practice respect.

WAYS A HUSBAND NEEDS RESPECT FROM HIS WIFE.

As I’ve interacted with couples from all over the world and researched the keys to happiness and fulfillment in marriage, one surprising discovery is that most husbands are absolutely desperate for the respect of their wives. For many men, the drive to be respected is even stronger than their drive for sex.

This isn’t a new discovery. The Bible records a two thousand-year-old tidbit of marriage wisdom by stating, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33).

I believe most women genuinely want to show respect to their husbands, but they don’t always know how to do it. What a wife may do to show respect and what a husband may need to feel respected are often two different things. To help bring more harmony to your marriage, I’ve outlined below the main ways a husband feels respected from his wife.

This is not a comprehensive list and all of these may not all apply to every marriage, but I’m strongly convinced these seven principles hold true for the vast majority of men.

A husband feels respected by his wife when…

1. She is content to live within the family’s financial means.

A husband has a deep desire to be a provider. In our modern society, the man is not usually the sole breadwinner, but he still wants to feel that his work is meeting the needs and desires of his wife. When a wife will life within the family’s financial means, she’s communicating respect to her husband by validating his hard work and his need to be a provider. She’s also removing financial stress from the marriage. (Husbands obviously need to live within the financial means of the family as well).

2. She prioritizes what happens in the bedroom.

When a man feels starved sexually, he will often feel both the physical frustration of unfilled desire and the emotional frustration of feeling undesirable to his wife. When the wife will initiate intimacy and also be receptive to his advances, he will feel more respected and fulfilled and he’ll also be more capable of fulfilling his wife’s needs.

3. She builds him up with her words (both in public and in private).

A wife’s words have the power to shape her husband. A wife shows respect to her husband both by how she speaks to him and by how she speaks about him. In both public and private, a wife’s words can build up or tear down her husband. She’s affirming, not sarcastic. She’s warm, not cold. She’s his biggest encourager, not his biggest critic.

For more on this, check out this post on “How do I respect my husband when he makes so many mistakes?”

4. She laughs with him (not at him).

When there isn’t much laughter in the marriage, that’s usually a warning sign of deeper issues. Find opportunities to laugh together. Your husband desperately wants you to be happy. Most husbands can’t be happy unless they believe they’re making their wives happy. Also, laugh at his jokes. This one might seem silly, but you’d be amazed how important it is for most men to know his wife believes he has a great sense of humor.

5. She trusts his judgment.

I’m certainly not saying a wife should blindly agree to everything that husband wants. A marriage requires a lot of conversation, mutual submission, and sometimes even debate. What I am saying is that a man feels strongest when his wife affirms his strength. A man feels wisest when his wife affirms his wisdom. A man feels most respected when his wife respects his decisions.

6. She doesn’t mother him.

There’s a motherly instinct in most women and that instinct can sometimes be misdirected towards mothering a husband. When a wife attempts to change, discipline or correct a husband from the posture of a mother instead of a partner, the husband will feel emasculated and it will often cause a cycle of frustration for both the husband and the wife.

7. She has his back.

Above all, a husband needs to know his wife has his back. In all times, in all situations, let him know you love and respect him. Your love, your words, your actions and your respect have the power to bring out the best in him.

WOMEN PASTORS / PREACHERS? CAN A WOMAN BE A PASTOR OR PREACHER?"

There is perhaps no more hotly debated issue in the church today than the issue of women serving as pastors/preachers. As a result, it is very important to not see this issue as men versus women. There are women who believe women should not serve as pastors and that the Bible places restrictions on the ministry of women, and there are men who believe women can serve as preachers and that there are no restrictions on women in ministry. This is not an issue of chauvinism or discrimination. It is an issue of biblical interpretation.

The Word of God proclaims, “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent” (1 Timothy 2:11–12). In the church, God assigns different roles to men and women. This is a result of the way mankind was created and the way in which sin entered the world (1 Timothy 2:13–14). God, through the apostle Paul, restricts women from serving in roles of teaching and/or having spiritual authority over men. This precludes women from serving as pastors over men, which definitely includes preaching to them, teaching them publicly, and exercising spiritual authority over them.

There are many objections to this view of women in pastoral ministry. A common one is that Paul restricts women from teaching because in the first century, women were typically uneducated. However, 1 Timothy 2:11–14 nowhere mentions educational status. If education were a qualification for ministry, then the majority of Jesus’ disciples would not have been qualified. A second common objection is that Paul only restricted the women of Ephesus from teaching men (1 Timothy was written to Timothy, the pastor of the church in Ephesus). Ephesus was known for its temple to Artemis, and women were the authorities in that branch of paganism—therefore, the theory goes, Paul was only reacting against the female-led customs of the Ephesian idolaters, and the church needed to be different. However, the book of 1 Timothy nowhere mentions Artemis, nor does Paul mention the standard practice of Artemis worshipers as a reason for the restrictions in 1 Timothy 2:11–12.

A third objection is that Paul is only referring to husbands and wives, not men and women in general. The Greek words for “woman” and “man” in 1 Timothy 2 could refer to husbands and wives; however, the basic meaning of the words is broader than that. Further, the same Greek words are used in verses 8–10. Are only husbands to lift up holy hands in prayer without anger and disputing (verse 8)? Are only wives to dress modestly, have good deeds, and worship God (verses 9–10)? Of course not. Verses 8–10 clearly refer to all men and women, not just husbands and wives. There is nothing in the context that would indicate a narrowing to husbands and wives in verses 11–14.

Yet another objection to this interpretation of women in pastoral ministry is in relation to women who held positions of leadership in the Bible, specifically Miriam, Deborah, and Huldah in the Old Testament. It is true that these women where chosen by God for special service to Him and that they stand as models of faith, courage, and, yes, leadership. However, the authority of women in the Old Testament is not relevant to the issue of pastors in the church. The New Testament Epistles present a new paradigm for God’s people—the church, the body of Christ—and that paradigm involves an authority structure unique to the church, not for the nation of Israel or any other Old Testament entity.

Similar arguments are made using Priscilla and Phoebe in the New Testament. In Acts 18, Priscilla and Aquila are presented as faithful ministers for Christ. Priscilla’s name is mentioned first, perhaps indicating that she was more prominent in ministry than her husband. Did Priscilla and her husband teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to Apollos? Yes, in their home they “explained to him the way of God more adequately” (Acts 18:26). Does the Bible ever say that Priscilla pastored a church or taught publicly or became the spiritual leader of a congregation of saints? No. As far as we know, Priscilla was not involved in ministry activity in contradiction to 1 Timothy 2:11–14.

In Romans 16:1, Phoebe is called a “deacon” (or “servant”) in the church and is highly commended by Paul. But, as with Priscilla, there is nothing in Scripture to indicate that Phoebe was a pastor or a teacher of men in the church. “Able to teach” is given as a qualification for elders, but not for deacons (1 Timothy 3:1–13; Titus 1:6–9).

The structure of 1 Timothy 2:11–14 makes the reason why women cannot be pastors perfectly clear. Verse 13 begins with “for,” giving the “cause” of Paul’s statement in verses 11–12. Why should women not teach or have authority over men? Because “Adam was created first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived” (verses 13–14). God created Adam first and then created Eve to be a “helper” for Adam. The order of creation has universal application in the family (Ephesians 5:22–33) and in the church.

The fact that Eve was deceived is also given in 1 Timothy 2:14 as a reason for women not serving as pastors or having spiritual authority over men. This does not mean that women are gullible or that they are all more easily deceived than men. If all women are more easily deceived, why would they be allowed to teach children (who are easily deceived) and other women (who are supposedly more easily deceived)? The text simply says that women are not to teach men or have spiritual authority over men because Eve was deceived. God has chosen to give men the primary teaching authority in the church.

Many women excel in gifts of hospitality, mercy, teaching, evangelism, and helps. Much of the ministry of the local church depends on women. Women in the church are not restricted from public praying or prophesying (1 Corinthians 11:5), only from having spiritual teaching authority over men. The Bible nowhere restricts women from exercising the gifts of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 12). Women, just as much as men, are called to minister to others, to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23), and to proclaim the gospel to the lost (Matthew 28:18–20; Acts 1:8; 1 Peter 3:15).

God has ordained that only men are to serve in positions of spiritual teaching authority in the church. This is not because men are necessarily better teachers or because women are inferior or less intelligent (which is not the case). It is simply the way God designed the church to function. Men are to set the example in spiritual leadership—in their lives and through their words. Women are to take a less authoritative role. Women are encouraged to teach other women (Titus 2:3–5). The Bible also does not restrict women from teaching children. The only activity women are restricted from is teaching or having spiritual authority over men. This precludes women from serving as pastors to men. This does not make women less important, by any means, but rather gives them a ministry focus more in agreement with God’s plan and His gifting of them.