SPEAKING

The goal in speaking is to convey a message to another person so that the other person understands it exactly as you intended it. The following strategies can help you sharpen your verbal communication skills.

•Make certain you have the other person’sattention. When you have something important to say to somebody, make sure you have his or her attention (call him or her by name, make eye contact) before you begin talking.

•Be organized. Have an objective and structure your speaking towards that goal. Think before you speak and present your thoughts/information in an organized manner.

•Use“I”phrases such as “I feel ...,” “I need ...,” or “I would like ...” as opposed to “you did ...,” “you are ....” “I” statements focus on your feelings, are less accusatory, create less defensiveness, and help the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.

•Speak so the listener will understand. Avoid jargon, colloquialism, overcomplicated terminology, etc. Speak in a way that is appropriate for the age, sex and emotional state of the other person.

•Encourage open-endedconversation. Use open-ended questions that promote a response, such as “tell me about …” “how do you feel about....” Avoid questions that encourage a one word answer.

•Be open. Share your feelings truthfully … but respectfully. Approach the discussion as an opportunity for the other person to learn something about you.

•Be specific and objective. Identify the specific issue at hand and how it makes you feel. Avoid generalizing statements such as “always,” “ever” or “never.” Stick to the subject; try not to digress into broad personality issues or revive past issues.

•Be positive. Focus on the other person’s positive points. Be specific, generous and public with your praise. Make sure that positive feedback outweighs criticism.

•Respond,butdon’treact. Be respectful, calm and positive. If the discussion is escalating into anger, take a short break from it. Agree on a set time to resume the discussion and be sure that you do.

•Ask for a summary. Find a polite way of ensuring that people have understood you. “Could you summarize what we’ve discussed to make sure we are on the same page?”  “Could you review the major deliverables to make sure that I’m going in the right direction.”

•Try to resolve conflicts,nottowin them. If you are unable to initially come to an agreement, take a break and set a time to try again. Try to develop a solution to the problem but remember, occassionally you may have to agree to disagree.