COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Communication is vital in creating and maintaining a relationship, whether it be an intimate relationship—such as with a partner, child, or friend—or a professional relationship—such as with a co-worker, supervisor, or client. Your communication skills affect how you solve problems, how you resolve conflict, and the level of trust you generate in your relationships. A lack of communication may result in confusion, misunderstandings, and the development of poor communication patterns. This guide provides strategies to help you foster effective communication skills

Barriers to Effective Communication

Barriers to communication are things that prevent people from understanding a message, or understanding it the same way. Some common barriers to communication include:

•Poor listening skills.

Many people consider speaking the most important element of communication. However, good listening skills are critical to effective communication. They help you better understand the information other people are trying to convey, improve your rapport with others, and improve your problem solving skills.

•Language barriers.

The words you use to communicate may create a barrier to communication. This can be as basic as communicating with someone who doesn’t speak the same language, or a subtle as interpreting the words you use in a different way. It can also include poor use of language by the communicator (e.g., using words incorrectly, poor grammar), a lack of understanding of the language or context (e.g., a non-technical person trying to communicate about a technical issue), using colloquialisms or jargon, using ambiguous word choices, etc.

•Emotional barriers.

There is a greater potential for misunderstanding when emotions are involved. For example, a sender who is upset or angry may not be able to effectively communicate his or her feelings and ideas. A receiver in a similar state may ignore or distort what the other person is saying.

•Environmental barriers.

This can include a number of factors including, interruptions, distractions, physical environment issues (lighting, noise, comfort), talking too softly, physical distance, a physical barrier between sender and recipient, etc.

•Timing barriers.

The timing of a communication can affect it’s ability to be understood. For example, there may not be enough time to communicate the message fully, or it may be too early or too late in the day for someone to give the communication his or her full attention.

•Perceptual barriers.

Each person experiences events—including communications—in a way that is unique to him or her. A sender will communicate in a way that makes sense in his or her reality. A receiver understands a communication in a similar manner. However, these two realities may not be the same, so the message may be perceived differently, hindering communication. Variables including age, education, gender, social and economic status, cultural background, temperament, health, religion, political beliefs, etc. can alter perceptions and create barriers to communication.

• Filtering.

Think of the child’s game of telephone, where a message is passed from one person to another. In most cases, the message, as finally received, is very different from the one that was originally sent. That is filtering. Filtering occurs in a variety of ways that can be a barrier to effective communication, for example, when an assistant, co-worker or spouse takes a message on your behalf, how someone leaves a message on an answering machine, etc.

LISTENING

 Listening involves hearing and paying attention to the speaker. However, hearing and effective listening are very different abilities. Consider the following tips to help you become a more effective listener: 

•Clear your mind to avoid wandering mentally. Your internal dialogue— deciding what you want to say, reacting to something the other person said, other issues that may be on you mind— can distract you from actively listening to the other person. 

•Focus on what the other personis saying. 

Give the other person your full attention and listen carefully to what he or she is saying. Think of this as a opportunity to learn something about the other person. 

•Don’t interrupt. 

Allow the other person to talk without interruption until he or she gets to the point. 

•Use body language to indicate your interest and attention, and encourage the other person to speak: 

–Keep up good eye contact.

 –Lean forward, nod your head, make encouraging gestures. 

–Keep your body relaxed, open and focused on the speaker. Avoid crossed arms and legs, clenched fists, turning the eyes/head/body away or being easily distracted; this indicates disinterest or opposition.

 –Avoid distracting behaviors, such as playing with a pencil, drumming your fingers, jingling change in your pocket, etc. Thesemake it difficult for you to listen and distract the speaker. 

•Use acknowledging responses such as “uh-huh,” “I see,” “you don’t say,” “okay,” etc. These encourage the other person to speak and show that you are interested in what he or she is saying. 

•Paraphrase what you believe the other personhassaid. This will indicate that you have been listening, and ensure that your understanding is accurate. At the end of the conversation you may wish to summarize the discussion, as well. 

•Askquestions. Don’t interrupt, but at an opportune time clarify anything that seems unclear to you. 

•Payattentiontothespeaker’snonverbalmessages, by observing tone of voice and body language. This can give clues as to what the other person is thinking and feeling and how he or she is responding to what you say. 

•Respond constructively.Let the other person know you value what he or she is saying, even if you don’t agree. Try to avoid responding negatively or directively, for example criticizing, ridiculing, dismissing, diverting (talking about yourself rather than about what the other person has said) or rejecting the other person or what they are saying. 

•Respondappropriately.Make sure you clearly understand what the other person wants from you and respond appropriately. If you aren’t certain what the other person wants, ask for clarification. Try to avoid giving unwanted diagnosis, advice or direction unless the person specifically requests it from you. For example, if a friend or co-worker simply wants to vent about an incident that frustrated him, he may not appreciate you giving unwanted advice about how you feel he or she should have handled the situation.