ARE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS CHRISTIAN?

Birthday cakes. Lighted candles. Singing “Happy Birthday.” Receiving gifts. In almost every culture and nation on Earth, virtually nothing is as universally celebrated as birthdays. But is birthday-keeping biblical? Does God agree with this practice? Keep reading will tell u am done

As sure as death and taxes, all human beings are born on a particular day. Everyone has a birth date. Since God wants people to celebrate life abundantly (John 10:10), could this include celebrating birthdays? Is birthday-keeping innocent fun—or does God hate it? Does it even matter?

If you bought a new computer, you would expect it to come with an instruction manual. Without a manual, you would have to learn how to use it through trial and error—and possibly delete necessary files and software in the process. The instruction manual saves users many headaches.

Believe it or not, you also came with an instruction manual—the Bible! God’s expressed will and purpose is written throughout its pages. Every word of Scripture is God’s message to you—who you are, what you are, why He created you, and how He expects you to conduct your life. Everything you need to know about the true purpose of life is written in God’s Word (John 17:17; Matt. 4:4; II Tim. 3:16-17).

When you read the Bible, God is talking to you! He shows you how to live a happy, fulfilling, abundant life. Pick up your “instruction manual” and examine what God says about birthdays.

Birthdays in the Bible

Birthday celebrations are mentioned in the Bible on three separate occasions and, in each case, something terrible occurred. These three accounts bear brief examination.

The first account is in Genesis. Pharaoh, the Egyptian king, celebrated his birthday by executing his chief baker (Gen. 40:1-23). God gave Joseph special understanding of a dream by Pharaoh’s butler and baker, that the baker would lose his life three days after Joseph interpreted the dream. Joseph understood that Pharaoh would use this occasion—his own birthday party—to put his baker to death. As the dream had foretold, the baker was hung at the party.

In the second account, the New Testament figure Herod the tetrarch reluctantly ordered the beheading of John the Baptist (Matt. 14:3-11). Notice verse six: “But when Herod’s birthday was kept…” During the dancing and merry-making at his birthday party, Herod got carried away and eventually made a promise that he did not want to keep. As a result, a great servant of God lost his life.

The final account is found in the book of Job. The Bible says that Job’s seven sons “went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them” (Job 1:4). These parties were obviously not centered around any kind of celebration related to God, or Job would not have worried that his children may have sinned during these celebration feasts. He was not exactly sure what was going on in their minds, but the very celebration of their birthdays triggered great concern in him (1:5). Apparently, during the birthday party of Job’s oldest son, God allowed Satan to kill all 10 of Job’s children through what appears to be a tornado (vs. 6-13, 18-19).

Further proof that these birthday celebrations displeased God is found in Job 3. Take time to read the entire chapter carefully. Job spends much time cursing every aspect of the day of his birth. The loss of all of his children, due to a birthday celebration, stunned and sobered him. His words make plain that there is nothing good about the day of a man’s birth. He openly cursed the day he was born.

Some who are familiar with these accounts attempt to explain them away by saying that there is no statement contained within them that directly prohibits birthday celebrations. They also ignore Job’s comments described in the previous paragraph. It is true that the above scriptures do not contain a direct condemnation of birthdays starting with the phrase “Thou shalt not…” or something similar. But consider for a moment the central lesson of each of these accounts. They represent the only three birthday parties described in the entire Bible. Absolute disaster occurred on each occasion! If God felt birthday celebrations were something positive and good, why wouldn’t He have recorded one other account where something either good or positive happened? Yet, there is no such account.

What About the Birthdays of Well-known Bible Figures?

Surely the Bible records the birth dates of its most important figures. Does God not want those who serve Him to recognize these most important birthdays? Let’s search for the birth dates of some of God’s greatest servants.

Abraham is referred to three times in the Bible as God’s “friend” (II Chron. 20:7; Isa. 41:8; Jms. 2:23). He is also called “the father of us all” (Rom. 4:16). Many verses demonstrate that he will play a very important role when the kingdom of God is established on Earth at Christ’s Second Coming. However, the Bible does not record the birth date of this truly great servant of God.

Moses was referred to as the meekest man on the face of the earth (Num. 12:3). Many verses describe this Bible figure and virtually everyone is familiar with him. The Bible does not tell us when he was born either.

The famous King David is called “a man after My [God’s] own heart” (Acts 13:21-22). Much of the Bible describes the life of this man. God used him to record a great many of the Psalms. When the kingdom of God is established on Earth, prophecy records that he will rule the tribes of Israel (Ezek. 34:23-31), called there the house of Israel. Surely the Bible records the date that this towering figure was born. It does not!

There is not one verse of Scripture describing anyone celebrating the births of these righteous men. In fact, the Bible is silent on the exact dates of the births of all God’s faithful servants—Jacob, Sarah, Noah, Abel, Samuel, Job, Esther, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Peter, Paul, James (Christ’s brother), and the rest of the apostles. Even the birth date of Jesus Christ goes unrecorded in the Bible!

The Christmas “Birthday Party”?

But what about Christmas? It is in the Bible, isn’t it? Doesn’t it celebrate Christ’s birth? Didn’t the wise men bring presents to baby Jesus because it was His birthday?

Study any reputable encyclopedia or visit a well-stocked public library and you will discover that Christmas was celebrated by immoral, pagan idol worshippers—people who many times sacrificed their children to pagan gods—2,000 years before Christ was born! December 25th originally marked the time of the winter solstice. These idol worshippers held pagan festivals to celebrate the “rebirth” of the sun when the days began to lengthen.

Let’s briefly examine the subject of the “wise men” who gave gifts to Christ. The scripture that describes this is in Matthew 2:1, 11: “Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, saying, Where is He that is born King of the Jews?…And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto Him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.”

It is commonly supposed that these were birthday presents for “baby Jesus.” But is this what the Bible actually says? Absolutely not! Also, they arrived well after His “birthday.” Notice that it refers to Christ as a “young child” rather than a baby. This is one more reason that the gifts brought to Him could not have been “birthday presents.”

A long-standing, ancient custom of the East was to present gifts when one came into the presence of a king. These men understood that they were in the presence of the “King of the Jews.” The Bible has many examples of people sending gifts to kings or presenting them upon arrival into the king’s presence. This custom is common today when ambassadors or others come into the presence of a world leader.

Finally, notice what the Adam Clarke Commentary, volume 5, page 46, states about what really happened on this occasion: “Verse 11. They presented unto him gifts. The people of the east never approach the presence of kings and great personages, without a present in their hands. This custom is often noticed in the Old Testament, and still prevails in the east, and in some of the newly discovered South Seas Islands.” Gifts were customarily presented to kings. The real intent behind this example should now be clear.

God does not even record the exact day His Son was born. And nowhere in the Bible can you find examples of Christ’s disciples or the New Testament Church celebrating His birthday. However, God does tell us the exact month and day when His Son died (Ex. 12; Lev. 23:4-5;Num. 9:1-5; Matt. 26:1-2; John 18:28; I Cor. 5:7). He expects all true Christians to observethat day annually, in the same month, on the same date (I Cor. 5:7-8). (Read our booklets The True Origin of Christmas, The True Origin of Easter, How Often Should the Lord’s Supper Be Taken? and Christ’s Resurrection Was Not on Sunday to learn more about these pagan holidays and why the Bible states we are to remember Christ’s death instead of His birth.)

Think for a moment! Every year, millions of professing Christians celebrate the supposed birthday of Jesus Christ. Yet they do not properly observe the day that Christ died, which God clearly identifies and records in great detail in His Word. He commands His followers to observe this memorial annually. Jesus warned about such misguided professing Christians, saying, “This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me. Howbeit in vain do they worship Me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men” (Mark 7:6-8). Each year, during the Christmas and Easter seasons, Jesus’ warning is proven right!

How God Views Your Birthday

We have now established that the Bible records negative examples of birthday celebrations, while it is silent on celebrating, or even identifying, the birthdays of all of God’s faithful servants—including Christ.

But what does the Bible specifically say aboutyour day of birth?

Most people think that the day of one’s birth is special. Celebrating it certainly does seem andfeel like the right thing to do. Yet, Solomon was inspired to write, “A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth” (Ecc. 7:1).

Like Job, Jeremiah also cursed the day of his own birth: “Cursed be the day wherein I was born: let not the day wherein my mother bare me be blessed…Wherefore came I forth out of the womb to see labor and sorrow, that my days should be consumed with shame?” (Jer. 20:14,18).

If the day of our death is better than the day of our birth, and some of God’s greatest servants said that their birth date was far from being a special day, then how special can this day be? According to Scripture, it is not a time to express joy, sing and expect gifts, simply because one is born into the world on a specific date.

The Day of a Man’s Death

We have just read that the Bible explains the day of a man’s death is better than the day of his birth. This is a stunning statement. Most people do not think of death as particularly wonderful. When it happens to a family member or close friend, it is usually a day of terrible sadness and emotion. No matter how or when death comes, no one celebrates the event. The Bible describes death as an enemy and a defeat. Consider some of the following verses describing death. Keep in mind that the Bible still says this day is better than the day of birth.

Solomon also wrote, “As he came forth of his mother’s womb, naked shall he return to go as he came, and shall take nothing of his labor, which he may carry away in his hand. And this also is a sore evil, that in all points as he came, so shall he go: and what profit has he that has labored for the wind?” (Ecc. 5:15-16). Does this sound like a day to look forward to? The Bible still states that the day this verse describes is better than the day of one’s birth.

The apostle Paul was inspired to write, “For the wages of sin [that you earn by breaking God’s laws] is death” (Rom. 6:23). Death is the penaltyfor sin. It is not pictured in the Bible as a day of triumph or, as so many like to picture, “as afriend one meets at the end of life’s highway.” Paul also wrote, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23) and “…it is appointed unto men once to die” (Heb. 9:27). Sin leads to death. John was inspired to write the definition of sin: “Whosoever commits sin transgresses also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law” (I John 3:4). The penalty—the wages—of sin is death. This is not an event to look forward to.

But there is hope!

Jesus Christ is returning to this Earth to rule—to put all things, including His enemies, under His feet. This includes the enemy called death. Notice: “Then comes the end, when He shall have delivered up the kingdom to God, even the Father; when He shall have put down all rule and all authority and power. For He must reign, till He has put all enemies under His feet. The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death…So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your sting? O grave, where is your victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Cor. 15:24-26, 54-56).

So this life is a physical, temporary existence. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. Considering this, what is so “happy” about a “birthday” into an ungodly, carnal-minded world, only to die and never see life again? Why celebrate being born into a world that is cut off from God’s divine guidance—a world of misery, confusion, poverty, ignorance, famine and disease—that could erupt into violence at any time?

God can and will give you eternal life. He wants you to have it. He wants you to live life to the fullest and experience the way of life that produces real peace, joy, abundance and security. But life has to be lived His way, according to His rules.

Paul wrote, “For since by man [Adam] came death, by Man [Jesus Christ] came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive…The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening [living] spirit…The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second Man is the Lord from heaven. As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly. And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly” (I Cor. 15:21-22, 45, 47-49).

When compared to the awesome future God has in store for us—becoming spirit beings who will never taste death and will not be limited to the physical laws of this material universe (read all of I Corinthians 15)—celebrating one’s physical birthday seems foolish.

Origin of Birthdays

Then where did birthday celebrations come from? The astonishing answer is from the pagan practice of astrology! Thousands of years ago, when men looked up into the night sky and charted the stars, they invented calendars and calculated the birth dates, to the very hour, of kings, rulers and their successors. These ancient pagan astrologers meticulously examined horoscopes and birthday omens because they believed that the fate of the rich and powerful might affect an entire society. Even to this day, men have been putting their trust in horoscopes instead of God.

In ancient Egypt, the pharaohs ordered businesses to close on their birthdays and gave enormous feasts for hundreds of servants. In ancient Greece, wealthy males joined birthday clubs composed exclusively of men who shared their birth date. Once a month, the club celebrated with a feast. When a member died, he left money to help pay for future parties. In Persia, noblemen observed their birthdays by barbecuing an ox, a camel and a donkey and serving hundreds of small cakes to the celebrants.

In ancient Rome, the emperor gave huge parties in honor of his own birthday, which included parades, circuses, and gladiatorial combat. The celebration of days was so important to the average Roman citizen that the Roman calendar designated a majority of days for some form of celebration—including many birthdays of gods and famous men.

The Roman calendar, with its emphasis on continual celebration, has had great influence on modern society. Consider the following quote about the origin of the Roman calendar:

“Our [Roman] calendar is not Christian in origin. It descends directly from the Egyptians, who originated the 12 month year, 365 day system. A pagan Egyptian scientist, Sosigenes, suggested this plan to the pagan Emperor Julius Caesar, who directed that it go into effect throughout the Roman Empire in 45 B.C. As adopted it indicated its pagan origin by the names of the months—called after Janus, Maia, Juno, etc. The days were not named but numbered on a complicated system involving Ides, Nones, and Calends. It was not until 321 A.D. that the seven-day week feature was added, when the Emperor Constantine (supposedly) adopted Christianity. Oddly enough for his weekdays he chose pagan names which are still used” (Journal of Calendar Reform, Sept. 1953, p. 128).

Modern birthday parties and celebrations by children take their form mainly from Germany, where the birthday child received gifts, chose a menu, and received a candle-ringed butter or jam cake. The book The Lore of Birthdays, by Ralph and Adelin Linton, gives a brief look at the history of birthday celebrations: “The Greeks believed that everyone had a protective spirit or daemon who attended his birth and watched over him in life. This spirit had a mystic relation with the god on whose birthday the individual was born.”

The book continues: “The Romans also subscribed to this idea…This notion was carried down in human belief and is reflected in the guardian angel, the fairy godmother and the patron saint…The custom of lighted candles on the cakes started with the Greeks…honey cakes round as the moon and lit with tapers were placed on the temple altars of [the god Artemis]…Birthday candles, in folk belief, are endowed with special magic for granting wishes…Lighted tapers and sacrificial fires have had a special mystic significance ever since man first set up altars to his gods. The birthday candles are thus an honor and tribute to the birthday child and bring good fortune.”

Saying “happy birthday” to friends and loved ones was society’s superstitious way of protecting them from evil spirits. Birthday thumps, bumps, pinches, etc., were said to bring luck and send away evil spirits. Party snappers, horns and other noisemakers were also intended to scare off bad-luck spirits.

It should now be clear that birthdays are not only unbiblical, they are pagan!

God’s Sacred Calendar

It is important to note that God has His own calendar. Much could be said about this subject. This brief explanation is vital. Typically, the number of days in God’s year is not the same from year to year. They are based upon the moon—not manmade calculations that include leap years.

God’s calendar includes seven extra 30-day months in each 19-year cycle. This calendar rule, alone, ensures that birth dates would vary widely from year to year throughout one’s lifetime. It is as though the sacred calendar was designed by God to make birthday celebrations impossible to observe, while the Roman calendar was specifically designed to make celebrating birthdays more convenient.

The date of February 29, which only occurs once every four years, creates a special problem for all those with this birth date. However, only one person in every 1,461 is affected by this “leap year” problem. The irregularities of God’s sacred calendar, with its extra 30-day month, occurring seven times in a 19-year time cycle, would affect one person in every eight!

Why It Matters to God

Why does God care whether or not you celebrate birthdays? After all, it is a chance for you to give presents to someone and make him or her feel good. What could be wrong with this?

Here is what God commands: “Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven, for the heathen are dismayed by them. For the customs of the people are vain” (Jer. 10:2, 3).

After God freed Israel from slavery, He clearly instructed them, “After the doings of the land of Egypt, wherein you dwelt, shall you not do: and after the doings of the land of Canaan, where I bring you, shall you not do: neither shall you walk in their ordinances” (Lev. 18:3). God commanded that they not defile themselves with the practices and customs of the surrounding nations (vs. 24-29). “Therefore shall you keep My ordinance, that you commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that you defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God” (vs. 30).

This is an emphatic command from God. He does not want His servants dabbling in the customs of this world.

But what about those who reach age 80, 90 or 100 years old—should we ignore altogether the many years of life experiences they have gained? No. In our current society, where senior citizens are routinely ignored and considered to be a burden, it is certainly permissible to acknowledgesomeone who has reached a considerable number of years. Someone who has lived through two world wars, the Great Depression, the Atomic Age, the creation of the modern nation of Israel, the Cold War, men walking on the moon, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Kennedy assassination, civil rights marches, race riots, the rise and collapse of the Berlin wall, and the worldwide growth of the Internet, has reached an age where special honor should naturally be conferred upon them.

Proverbs 16:31 states, “The hoary [white or gray] head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.” People who have lived to great age, sometimes reflected by pure white hair, often have great wisdom and experience to share with younger generations. Simpleacknowledgment that they have reached age 70, 80, 90 or 100 shows them honor and appreciation. It is not wrong to acknowledge that one has reached a milestone in a long life.

What we have described above is far different than celebrating birthdays with all of the usual pagan traditions! Celebrating the day of one’s birth, as though it were a special occasion, iswrong. It violates God’s command. It keeps people selfishly focused on their temporary, physical lives, when God’s purpose is to give mankind eternal life in His Family. True Christians should be focused on how their lives are preparing them for rulership on this Earth at the Return of Jesus Christ.

FAITH AND HOPE

Is 54:17 ..no weapon will be able to hurt you; you will have an answer for all who accuse you. I will defend my servants & give them victory. The LORD has spoken' 'Is 55:8 The LORD says: My thoughts & my ways are not like yours. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts & my ways are higher than yours.

– Can we really understand the thoughts of GOD? I don't think so. It is hard enough to understand the ways of Jesus and the Apostles, whilst living and being influenced by this world. But with Faith and Hope we can and do stand Firm in the name of Jesus and the Cross He bore for us.

LIFE CHANGING IDEAS

Think for Yourself and Question Authority

Many people blindly accept what they are told by those in positions of authority (political, religious and educational). You should always use your own brain and reason to determine whether or not something is true.

“Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.”

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT COPING/DEALING WITH A TERMINAL ILLNESS?"

It certainly can be difficult to accept some of the sorrowful twists and turns that life brings our way. And there are few things that can stir the human soul more than the news of a terminal illness diagnosis. First of all, know that Jesus cares. Our Savior wept when His beloved friend Lazarus died (John 11:35), and His heart was touched by the sorrow of Jairus’ family (Luke 8:41-42).

Jesus not only cares; He is at hand to help His children. Our God is an “ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). The Holy Spirit, the Comforter of our hearts, dwells with us, and He will never leave (John 14:16).

Jesus told us in this world we would have troubles (John 16:33), and absolutely no one is spared (Romans 5:12). Yet coping with any degree of suffering becomes easier when we understand God’s overall design to redeem our fallen world. We may not be guaranteed physical health in this life, but those who trust in God are promised spiritualsecurity for all eternity (John 10:27-28). Nothing can touch the soul.

It is good to remember that not everything bad that happens to us is a direct result of our sin. Having a terminal illness is not proof of God’s judgment on an individual. Recall the time Jesus and His disciples came upon a man who had been blind since birth. They asked Jesus, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus responded, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned. But this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:2-3, emphasis added). Likewise, Job’s three friends were certain that his calamity resulted from sin in his life. Like Christ’s disciples, they were very wrong.

We may never understand the reasons for our particular trials this side of eternity, but one thing is clear – for those who love God, trials work for them, not against them (Romans 8:28). Moreover, God will give the strength to endure any trial (Philippians 4:13).

Our earthly life is a “mist” at best, and that’s why God has set eternity in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11). God’s plan for His children includes their death, which is “precious in the sight of the LORD” (Psalm 116:15).

Ultimately, God’s will for us is to glorify Him and to grow spiritually. He wants us to trust and depend on Him. How we react to our trials, including the trial of terminal illness, reveals exactly what our faith is like. Scripture teaches us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1). In fact, “dying to self” is a requirement for those who seek to follow Jesus Christ (Luke 14:27). This means we completely subordinate our desires to those of our Lord. Like Christ at Gethsemane, “my” will needs to become “Thy” will.

The writer of Hebrews exhorts us to consider the suffering our Savior endured so that we ourselves do not grow weary and lose heart in our own trials. It was “for the joy set before Him” that Christ was able to endure the suffering of the cross. This “joy,” for Christ, was in obeying His Father’s will (Psalm 40:8), reconciling His Father with His creation, and being exalted to the right hand of the throne of God. Likewise, our own trials can be made more bearable when we consider the “joy” set before us. Our joy may come in understanding it is through testing that God transforms us into the likeness of His Son (Job 23:10; Romans 8:29). What we see as pain and discomfort and uncertainty our sovereign Father – who ordains or allows every event during our time on earth – sees as transformation. Our suffering is never meaningless. God uses suffering to change us, to minister to others, and, ultimately, to bring glory to His name.

Paul reminds us that our earthly troubles, which last only a short time, pale in comparison to our eternal glory (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). Commenting on these verses, one theologian stated, “God will never be a debtor to anyone. Any sacrifice we make or hardship we endure for His sake and by His Spirit, He will amply reward out of all proportion to what we suffered.”

If you have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, we would humbly offer this advice: make sure that you are a true child of God, having trusted Jesus as your Savior (Romans 10:9-10). Then, as Hezekiah was told, “put your house in order” (Isaiah 38:1); that is, make sure your will is ready and other important arrangements have been made. Use the remaining time God gives you to grow spiritually and minister to others. Continue to rely on the power of God for day-to-day strength, and, as the Lord gives grace, thank Him for your “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Finally, take comfort in Jesus’ promise of eternal life and peace. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

WAYS MEN DESTROY THEIR MARRIAGE

Neglected Wife Symptoms—Ways Husbands Destroy Their Marriages

It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. So, while this list below may seen daunting, always remember that. If life is stressful, then work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek the things that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Also, while both the husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to men. Read on to learn about the behaviors of men which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Leaving Her Alone

One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. This means things like spending long hours at work and following it up by a beer or several afterward with the guys. Then, when you get home, you don't engage her or your children. Instead, you lose yourself in baseball or computer poker. Also, on the weekends, you'll complain about the messy house, then leave to run errands, and then you don't come back for several hours.

One of the most most miserable experiences for a wife is that feeling of isolation when her husband emotionally leaves the relationship. Yes, she has friends and a job. Yes, she spends a lot of time running the kids around and partaking in activities outside of her husband. It's not the same. Her desire is to spend time with you, the man she loves. To be left alone by her husband causes deep heartache for women. For most women, their largest fears boil down to isolation and deprivation. When she feels abandoned by you, she attacks with hurtful and disrespectful behavior. Her ability to verbally hurt you is her strongest weapon, and she uses it out of fear in an effort to try to get your attention.

When a wife begins to nag because you never spend time at home, never hang out with her, and never engage with the kids, chances are she is feeling abandoned and isolated. When you stop spending time together, the emotional distance between you two grows quickly.

2. Not Getting Close Enough

Your wife feels energized when she feels close to you. Refusing to let her know you is destructive to her and your marriage. While you strive to keep your independence, she longs to connect with you. It is not fair to either of you if you are only affectionate and attentive on the days you want sex or something from her. Affection and closeness ought to be an end in themselves, not a means to a different end.

Talking is not the only way women feel close, although it is an important one. Simple ways to fulfill your wife in this area are to hug her often, hold her hand, and to spend some time alone with her. When her need for closeness is met, she will be more inclined to respect your need for independence. When your wife feels close to you, she will also be more willing to engage with you on a more intimate, sexual level.

The important thing to remember is to help her feel connected. Try talking to her about your day, your fears, hopes, and dreams. Hold her hand when you go out together. Kiss her unexpectedly in the kitchen while she makes dinner. Sit next to her. Ask her how she is doing, and for a few minutes, give her your undivided attention while she answers. A little bit will go a long way and mean everything to her and, in turn, your marriage.

2.5. Closing Yourself Off to Her

Women exist as an integrated circuit. The mind, body, and soul are closely linked — so, hurt feelings affect the entire system. A wife whose spirit is crushed may suffer from fatigue and confusion. Like a strand of Christmas lights — when one light goes out, they all go dark. Men compartmentalize. If one light goes out on his strand, all the other lights function properly, unaffected. Men are able to fully function when one area of their lives is not working properly.

Your wife does not understand the closed-off and mysterious way you operate. Things don't seem to bother you. You never want to talk to her. She knows you are stressed about work, yet you don't show it or express that further to her. She wonders how you can even function. Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-man's land. She simply wants you to be open. She wants to truly see you. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries, and troubles. She wants to be that person for you and committed to being so when you got married. She won't try to fix you. She will listen.

Try talking to her about what is going on in your life. Women like to vent, without seeking a solution, and she wants to give you the freedom to share yourself verbally.

3. Always Trying to "Fix" Her

Even when she doesn't always say it, your wife sees you as her strength. As the bearer of her burdens. When she comes to you for help to lighten the load from the weight of her world, it is a compliment. She knows you can handle it.

Rather than trying to resolve and repair every issue, however, try to just listen to her. You might even ask if she needs a solution or just an ear. It will be a relief for both of you when you realize that sometimes you don't have to fix all the problems. Furthermore, when you listen, she will feel like you understand her (even if you don't, which is okay).

4. Never Saying "I'm Sorry."

All marriages have conflict. The refusal to apologize is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward through the conflict, and she is now seeking peace.

Many husbands see apologizing as a sure sign of weakness. They think, "If I apologize, she won't respect me." On the contrary, if you humbly apologize and ask her forgiveness, your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, and acts as a healing balm over her heart. Furthermore, it shows that you're open and willing to make things work, that you care enough to admit to your faults and move past and through them.

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5. Taking Her Insecurities Too Lightly

Your wife knows she is highly committed to you. When she sees you looking at other women, in the mall, on TV, on the computer, and in other places, she fears that you may be unfaithful and at the very least, it may make her uncomfortable and question your attraction to them, especially if she is solely just looking at you. Regardless, she is insecure and needs your reassurance, not any belittling, joking, or teasing. These activities all devalues her feelings, which are real. When you stare at a cute young thing as she saunters by, it may be a reminder to your wife of her many imperfections. She feels insecure because she wants to know that you still love her and you looking at other women may not be so reassuring of that. It's okay for you to look at other women, in fact, it's perfectly natural. The danger is when you are blatant and aggressive, disregarding your wife's feelings and staring in spite of her discomfort.

Your wife is motivated by your love and loyalty. She has committed her life to you, and wants to feel secure in the fact that you are equally committed to her. A big symbol of your loyalty to your wife is a wedding ring. For a woman, this is a sign of your fidelity. A married man without a ring seems to be trying to hide something. This requires very little effort, if any, on your part to reassure your wife in this way, and yet it would mean the world to her. Her peace of mind ought to be worth the cost of an inexpensive, outward expression of your fidelity. You have nothing to hide. A ring is a simple, outward expression of your devotion to your wife and to your marriage. This small gesture can have deep impact.

When your wife feels insecure, she may ask if you still think she is pretty. She may ask if you love her. She may ask if you think someone else is more attractive. This is not a trap. She feels she is moving toward you, by asking a question and starting a conversation. Talking is how women feel close. She is seeking your assurance of love and loyalty. Rather than make light of the moment, look at her. No, really look at her. Tell her she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Give her the assurance she seeks, and ease her troubled mind.

6. Ignoring the Importance of Simple Gestures

Your wife does not require fancy jewelry or expensive meals. Granted, those things are nice, and you like to treat your wife. However, it isn't always necessary.

She feels most loved by the small tokens of your love and appreciation. When you neglect the small things, it may feel to her like you are trying to buy her affection — or ease your own guilt — with the big things. Let your wife know that she is on your mind during the day. A single rose when you walk in the door speaks volumes to her language of love. Give her a call or send her a text during the day to let her know you are thinking of her. Offer to help with dinner, or wash the dishes. These are small gifts of your time that mean the world to your wife.

For your wife, the most important days of the year are her birthday and the day she married you. Celebrate these days by spending time with just her. It will mean more than any expensive gift ever could. The cost of the gift is secondary to the thought you put into it. She wants to feel special and important to you. The way to help her feel loved is to spend time with her alone. Even if you sit home and watch a movie, give her your undivided attention.

7. Taking All the Fun Out of Sex

When you confuse sex with intimacy, it's no fun. When you only focus on your own orgasm, it's no fun. When you only show interest in your wife when you want to get lucky, it's no fun. When you devalue the depth of your sexual relationship with crude jokes and pornography, it's no fun. When you expect her to get excited instantly, it's no fun. When you neglect your wife's sexual needs, it's no fun.

When you are married, sex is supposed to be fun.

An intimate sharing, designed to bring you closer, sex should cement the bond between you. For example, think of your wife as a crockpot. Meanwhile, in this comparison, you are a microwave. Put a meal in a microwave, and you are eating within three minutes. A crockpot meal takes a lot of forethought. You need the proper ingredients. You have to put everything together, turn it on, and wait. Six or eight hours later, you enjoy a delicious meal. Your wife needs the same thoughtful consideration. Start in the morning with a kiss. Tell her she's beautiful. Women never get tired of hearing that from the man they love. Help get the kids ready for school. After work, ask about her day.

Slow, slow, slow. If you want to bring the fun back into sex, think crockpot, not microwave. You can microwave in the shower (not literally, obviously).

8. Getting Lost in Bitterness and Anger

When you shut your wife out to brood in your despair, it fills her with fear. Women like to talk things out. Men like to shut things out. When you feel stressed about work, about money, about your relationship, you turn inward. This provokes your wife's fear of abandonment and rejection.

She thinks you don't love her when you refuse to speak. This fear, and her desire to resolve conflict, cause your wife to pursue you. She wants to talk it out, not to belittle or demean you, but to feel closer. She wants you to trust her, so she can trust you. She follows you around, asking if everything is alright. You run away from her and avoid wanting to discuss what is bothering you. She knows something is wrong, and she begins to assume that she is the problem.

You can stop this train wreck before it happens by opening up to your wife. She loves you. You can trust her. Share your real feelings with her, and she will open her heart to you.

9. Not Taking Responsibility

Whether it's an addiction, an affair or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands point to their wives as the reason for their weakness. "She makes me drink because of her nagging. I cheated because she wouldn't take care of me. I'm doing poorly because she never encourages me."

It's time to take full responsibility for your own behavior. You need to take ownership of your actions. You choose to drink. You choose to cheat. You choose to work or not work. You actively do all these things on your own. Rather than blaming someone or something else, stand up and take control. Make your life reflect the values you desire. Your life is completely under your control. Today, you can choose differently. You can create exactly the life you want. Furthermore, if your wife really is the root of all the problems in your life, then take control of that as well and man up and tell her the truth. She can't change if you aren't willing to express the problem.

10. Picking the Wrong Woman. Again.

A woman in distress, who just moves from crisis to crisis, will continue to be in distress after you marry her. A nitpicking woman who criticizes your every decision will continue to nitpick. A control freak always wants control, even after the wedding. The bottom line is: if she is the wrong woman before the marriage, she'll be the wrong woman when and after you get married.

If you want a nice wife, then date a nice woman and marry her. Treat her with love and respect and she will return the kindness. Trying to rescue a woman in distress will only lead you to feel used and unappreciated. A strong marriage begins with a good-willed woman and a good-willed man. It flourishes as you both grow in love and respect toward each other.

Choosing the wrong woman sets you up for failure every time. Although you might like the feeling of being a knight in shining armor rescuing a damsel in distress, the reality of being married is much harder and much less idealistic. Marriage takes work, from both the husband and the wife. When both are committed to making the marriage a good experience, then it has a better chance of succeeding.

Work on Yourself

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

DIVINE HEALING

The Bible gives many examples of divine healing of the sick, but that was long ago and far away. What about people today—does God still heal today?

God instructs His people who are sick to call for the elders to pray and anoint them with oil as a sign of faith in His divine healing power.

God healed many people in Bible times. But can you and I have confidence that God will hear our prayers for healing and intervene as He knows is ultimately best for us?

God designed our physical body

In the creation account of Genesis, God reveals that He made Adam, the first man, of the “dust of the ground” and then breathed into him the “breath of life; and man became a living being” (Genesis 2:7). Adam, the father of all human beings, was designed to be flesh and blood. This means, among other things, that he was subject to illness and injury, and eventually death. Even if a man was never injured and never became sick, he still would not live forever because the physical body will in time simply wear out.

The author of Hebrews certainly understood that the human body was never intended to live forever when he wrote, “It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27).

The fact that we all will eventually face death is the starting point in understanding divine healing, because it means God will not always heal us. In His wisdom, and according to His plan and will, at some point in our lives He will allow every human being to die.

Divine healing from the Scriptures

The Bible does give us many examples of individuals who were healed of serious problems, including leprosy, blindness and being crippled. God even restored physical life to some who had died. God performed these miracles through men like Elijah andElisha and, in the New Testament, through the original apostles. Of course, Jesus Christ, who was God in the flesh, also healed and even resurrected various people throughout the course of His earthly ministry.

It is clear that God can and at times does intervene in miraculous ways to heal even serious or fatal conditions. Physical healing is a dramatic demonstration of God’s power and love for human beings. It also reveals the depth of His involvement in the lives of people. The Creator is certainly not an aloof, uninvolved Deity as some people would claim!

New Testament instructions

There are instructions in the New Testament regarding physical healing. However, many people today are completely unaware of these instructions.

The apostle James wrote, “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (James 5:14-16).

When Jesus Christ instructed and sent the disciples out to preach the gospel, in addition to teaching the people they “anointed with oil many who were sick, and healed them” (Mark 6:13). They followed the pattern of anointing with oil and laying hands on the person who was sick, much as the ministry of Jesus Christ does to this day.

The type of oil used is not specified, but olive oil was the basis for the anointing oil used by the Old Testament priesthood. It was also widely used for medicinal purposes and as fuel in lamps. In both regards—as an aid to healing and in bringing light—it is an appropriate symbol, representing the power of God’s Holy Spirit through which He heals.

As often as possible, anointing is done in person. However, we also find a biblical example of healing when a cloth or piece of material was anointed by the elder and then sent to the sick person. The apostle Paul practiced this in the New Testament (Acts 19:11-12). We in HOPE MINISTRIES, also follow this example when for some reason a minister is unable to personally anoint the sick individual.

It is God who heals

It is important to understand that neither the minister nor the oil he uses heals. Christians must look to God in faith as the Healer (Matthew 9:20-22; Acts 14:8-10) and therefore strive to live in obedience to His will (1 John 3:22-23). God honors that faith and obedience, and there are many examples of God’s divine healing and intervention in the lives of people in our modern day.

It is also important to note that faith in divine healing does not prohibit a believer from seeking medical advice and treatment, and doing what he or she can do to recuperate from the illness or injury.

The best and most skilled doctor still cannot heal. What he can do is work with the body God created and the systems He put in place. He may be able to assist, setting a broken bone or prescribing a medication, for example. That may allow the bone to mend together properly, or allow the body to better fight off an infection or disease. But the power to heal lies solely in the hands of our Creator, and in the workings of the body He lovingly designed.

Understanding God’s will and timing

Understanding these wonderful promises and fully believing in God’s power to heal, some may wonder why everyone is not healed immediately when he or she is anointed. The Bible, as well as human experience, shows that God sometimes allows health trials to linger, perhaps for years.

The apostle Paul himself suffered with what he called a “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7), likely an unknown ailment that he apparently had for the remainder of his life. Paul understood, and we should too, that through these kinds of trials God is able to teach many powerful lessons.

When considering ourselves, we should give thought to whether there is something more we should do or learn. We can pray for help to grow in faith and obedience. But when considering other people, keep in mind that it is never helpful to question their faith or obedience. These are matters for God to judge, since we cannot see another’s heart. There may be any number of other reasons why God does not always provide divine healing immediately.

It is instructive to keep in mind that God does desire that humanity enjoy good health (3 John 1:2). This is why His Word addresses keeping our physical body (His spiritual temple) free from harmful addictions, habits or practices (2 Corinthians 6:16-18) and seems to be part of the reason He gave food laws (Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14). For more detailed information on good health, read the other articles in this section on health.

And then eventually it is God’s design that this human life will come to an end. Even in this we can see God’s hand and His wisdom. The strengthening of one’s spiritual character from a health trial can be tremendous. And the example that a faithful Christian sets in approaching the end of his or her life often serves as a powerful testimony to friends and family.

God looks to the future!

God is sovereign and knows about each individual’s needs. He has a perfect and eternal perspective and has our ultimate best interests in mind. Like all trials, sickness can help us grow in faith, obedience, character and our relationship with God. God wants us to learn patience, so we must not assume that His promise of healing must be fulfilled immediately or not at all. He may have lessons for us or those around us to learn. It is God’s prerogative whether He heals immediately or not. It is not necessarily a reflection on an individual’s level of faith.

God promises a wonderful future when there will be no more pain, sorrow or death (Revelation 21:4). In this world we will have troubles, including health problems. God does not promise to keep us alive forever in this physical body, and so all of His faithful servants of times gone by have reached the end of their physical lives and are in their graves. They are awaiting the resurrection from the dead when they will be raised as immortal spirit beings (1 Corinthians 15:50-54).

Does God still heal today? Can you and I have confidence that God will hear our prayers for divine healing and intervene as He knows is best for us? The reassuring answer from the Word of God is a resounding “Yes!” We can go to Him for healing, always trusting in His love and wisdom to give us the perfect answer at the perfect time, what is most needed for our ultimate good (Romans 8:28)!

SIGNS YOU'RE IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE

Making the decision to leave a loveless marriage is scary: There's often a deep fear of being alone, not to mention the possibility of an unknown future. So many stick with mediocrity, settling for low-level pain and dissatisfaction instead. But it's not your best bet: "Staying in a seriously unhappy marriage can have long-term effects on our mental and emotional health,"  Research shows that people in bad marriages usually have low self-esteem, struggle with anxiety and depression, and have a higher rate of illness than those who don't. We feel sad and grieve when we decide to let go—but people who divorce recover emotionally, and most find new relationships. In fact, "one statistic reported that 85 percent of those who divorce remarry within five years," she says. Now, we're not saying it's time to divorce just yet. But if these signs hit home for you, it's time to take a hard look at whether this is a marriage you want to stay in.

You're actively ignoring your gut.

Our instincts can often tell us first when a relationship just isn't working—but we don't always trust that voice, "We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama." We're trained to trust logic in many areas of life, so when a niggling feeling ("Am I really still in love with this person?") presents itself, it's hard to pay attention to it because there aren't any hard facts or rational reasoning. Drill down on that initial instinct and ask yourself more specific questions. If you find your responses are things like, "I don't feel safe to express myself, I don't feel respected and haven't felt happy in a long time," that's a sign that things have gone awry—and you shouldn't ignore it. "The truth doesn't go away simply because we don't want it to be there; that voice stays in the background and weighs on you,"

"Getting quiet within is key to being able to hear instincts. And like a muscle, the more you trust your gut, the easier it becomes to decipher that voice—which comes from your heart—from the voice in your head."

You're preoccupied with other people's needs and problems.

Many women stay in relationships longer than they should because they tend to put the needs of others before their own. And since women often naturally take on the role of caretakers, they can lose parts of their own identity—and a sense of their own needs—in the process. "In order to face her relationship unhappiness, a woman needs to stop distracting herself by putting other people's needs ahead of her own,"  "Doing this can be a way of avoiding her own painful truth." So if you find yourself getting unnecessarily involved in a fight between your mother and sister, or you're always rushing around trying to make other people's lives easier, it might be time to take a hard look at your own relationship.

The distance between you keeps growing—and you wait too long to get help.

One way to distinguish between a run-of-the-mill marital rut (where you've, say, fallen into boring routines and don't have much sex anymore) and a loveless marriage is to ask yourself how long the situation has been this way, and whether it's been steadily worsening. "Most couples go through rough times, but if the difficulties last more than two years, with no sign of relief, I'd recommend seeking professional help," And sooner is always better to avoid passing the point of no return. "It would be ideal if we could tune into our longings and needs well before we get to the point that the love we once had is dead," who notes that the average couple waits six years from the time they recognize relationship problems until the time they try therapy. By then, it's often too late—the problems in the marriage can corrode it to the point where it may be unsalvageable. So play it safe and consider scheduling a therapy session if you're struggling.

You fantasize about a life without your spouse.

If you often imagine a happy (happy is the key word here) future without your partner, that's a major sign that things aren't right. This is a part of the emotional detachment process, during which you may try to convince yourself that you don't care anymore so that the eventual separation feels less painful,
 "Detaching psychologically by fantasizing about having an affair or making plans for the future that don't include your partner can all be signs that you've fallen out of love," "It's as if the mind has pulled its own plug so our hearts won't suffer as much when the relationship ends." If you notice this mental pattern, take it a step further to see if the fantasy holds weight. "It'll give you another layer of reality, which can then help you know what the right next step is," she says. As you click through, check in with your emotions. If excitement or relief is your prominent emotion (rather than fear or apprehension), it may be a sign to acknowledge that there are serious problems in your marriage. "But before actually taking steps to leave, see if there are things you can—or want—to do to work on the relationship," That way, if you ultimately decide to leave, "you can do so with some peace of mind," she says. "It's never easy to end a relationship, but having lingering regret that you could have done more can make the decision harder."

You've stopped fighting.

If you've given up fighting, but feel further away than ever, it's a sign that you've reached a crossroads. "If there's a fight and the couple doesn't talk about what happened, or becomes gridlocked in their position and refuses to listen to their partner's perspective, that's not good,"  However, you might still be able to turn it around. "Unresolved conflict can fool us into thinking that our love is lost, when it's actually only buried beneath the ashes of smoldering resentment and anger,"

In other words, the love could still be there, but you just can't access it. To get back in touch with those feelings, turn toward your partner emotionally—which creates closeness and connection—rather than ignoring them or responding negatively, which creates distance and disengagement. "Fights can lead to greater intimacy if the couple processes the fight and repairs the relationship," It's up to you to decide whether you've got it in you to turn toward your husband and give it one last go, or whether you've maxed out your ability to keep fighting for your relationship.

You have one or more of the big relationship destroyers.

There are four behaviors that are super-destructive to relationships. If one or more is present in your relationship, you could be on the fast track to loveless-ness (if you're not there already). Every time youcriticize your partner—by attacking, blaming, and putting the fault on them by flinging negative statements like "You're always running late," or "You never do anything right"—you corrode your connection. By being defensive and refusing to accept responsibility, or attacking in response to feedback from your partner, you chip away at the trust and goodwill in your marriage. If you have an attitude of contempt, and call your partner names or make stinging, sarcastic remarks, you imply that you're superior and your partner is defective. And every time you stonewall one another, or emotionally shut down instead of openly addressing the issues, you create more distance and dishonesty, rather than openness, communication, and love. If any (or all) of these sounds familiar, schedule couples' therapy to discuss why you do these things—and how you can fix them.

You don't feel heard (and you might not be listening).

When you sit down to talk with your spouse about what's working and what isn't, do you hear crickets? Or feel like nothing changes, no matter how vocal you are about your feelings? That's a problem, "The most powerful tool we have for resolving our conflicts is listening and understanding one another," she says. "When we invite our partners to share what we've done to let them down, and when we truly listen and understand their feelings, decades of hurt and anger can easily fade away." So make a point of listening for the underlying emotions and messages in your partner's words—everyday issues, like yelling about whose turn it is to take out the trash, could be stemming from something deeper. "In most situations where couples go from being best friends to loveless opponents, I uncover a pattern of poor communication, dashed expectations and unhealed resentments,"

"They think the fight really is about taking the garbage out, when in fact it's more likely about one or both feeling unappreciated, overwhelmed or unacknowledged." And once you finally hear what they're trying to tell you (or vice versa) you can get to the bottom of the real issue.