HEALING FROM EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

Your spouse cheated on you. Nothing you can do will change that. Still, you’ve decided to stick it out and try to make the marriage work. Only you don’t trust him/her anymore, you are incredibly suspicious, and your anxiety of possibly being betrayed again is eating your heart out. You still feel intense pain over the last betrayal, and you can’t get past it to do your part in healing the marriage. This article gives some hints and tips to help you.

FIND A GOOD PASTOR OR MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

This is important. You need someone who has your marriage at heart. You need counsel, wisdom, and an impartial perspective. The Bible teaches us that attempting to help someone (such as your spouse) while struggling with your own problems often leads to something worse.

Matthew 7:4-5 – Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Someone who does not have an emotional stake in your marriage is much more apt to give you sound advice. Many arguments, tears, and time will be saved with a good pastor or marriage counselor.

I deal often with extramarital affairs in my community. Those who come to me often do so as a last resort. A lecture, some advice, and a few tools often will set them on the right path. Within 2 or 3 weeks they nearly always thank me for the obvious improvement in their marriage. It wasn’t me; it was the impartiality and clear headedness of a third perspective that allowed this to occur.

When my wife and I have problems–a rarity–we go to one of two men for advice. I understand my own weaknesses. Since I have an emotional stake in my own marriage, my thinking and feelings are clouded. I need that outside perspective.

It really helps.

I would make this mandatory. I would tell your spouse there is no negotiation about this. He or she may be embarrassed and may just want to put the whole thing behind them, but stick to your guns on this. Counseling isn’t to determine blame. It is to heal the wound.

BEGIN YOUR HEALING PROCESS BY CLEANING YOUR WOUNDS

As both a Christian and a pastor that deals extensively with marriages, I have found a simple, yet effective, technique to help the injured person heal from the pain of an extramarital affair. If you are not a Christian, I still suggest you give this a try, for it works.

Emotional pain is like an infection. If we don’t purge it from our system, it just spreads. Many a betrayed spouse has spoiled the possibility of salvaging his or her marriage because they never were able to get over the pain and distrust that such an act produces. But in order to heal, all those negative feelings need to come out. Just like any other physical wound, you need to clean it and get out all the infection before it will heal.

The procedure is simple:

1. Each day, write down how you currently feel about what your spouse did to you. Be expressive, honest, and forthcoming. Don’t lie to yourself. Write it all down.

2. Take the letter or list to God and tell Him all about it. Tell Him how you feel and why you feel that way. Tell Him how unfair it all is. Cry a little if you need to.

3. Then ask God to help you forgive. You may not be able to right that moment, but ask God for the strength and peace to do so.

4. Do steps 1-3 the very next day, and the day after that…and so forth.

Over a week or so, you’ll find your emotions not so devastating. You will find that when you write how you currently feel, it isn’t so negative. You will find that soon, you can forgive–and will forgive. Your prayers will change. Your heart will be more at peace. You will reclaim hope.

In regards to this procedure, a woman told me recently at a follow up marriage counseling session, “I didn’t think it would work. But it really did. Thank you.”

Getting the infection out is essential and this is a good way to do it! Don’t let it bottle up inside you. Don’t take it out on your spouse–no one likes to be confronted with their own weakness, sin, or failure. You may end up pushing them away even more. Tell it to God!

1 Peter 5:7 – Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

GIVE YOUR SPOUSE OPPORTUNITY TO EARN YOUR TRUST BACK

This will be one of the harder steps you will take. Once you are betrayed, it is hard to put yourself in a position to be betrayed again. But you must allow your spouse the opportunity to earn your trust back. Else, your marriage is doomed.

Talking with a shattered wife once, she mentioned how she just couldn’t ever trust him again. I pointed out that her fear was killing any hope she had of having the marriage she wanted. Until she could get her eyes off of her fear and onto the hope of a good marriage, she would never have a good marriage.

It isn’t fair. You were not the one who did the wrong, but now I am asking you to take the chances. I know it isn’t fair. But it is the only way. You must give them a chance to earn your trust.

Here is an idea to allow you to do this.

1. Write out a list of rules on how your spouse will conduct himself/herself around the opposite sex.
2. Be sure the rules are reasonable. Involve your pastor or counselor if necessary.
3. Ask your spouse to keep these rules to earn your trust back.

This will help you. When your spouse is talking to someone of the opposite sex, instead of fearing what he/she is thinking–something you can’t possibly know–watch to see if he/she is keeping your rules. If the rules are being kept, you know they are thinking of them and you. It will help you rid yourself of your fears.

This has been very successful for those who do it.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARE COMPLETELY HEALED

Like any wound, when it is healed, it may leave a scar. The scar, however, doesn’t bring pain, it just brings memories. You know you are healed when you can use what happened to you to help someone else.

While the wound is fresh and raw or when infection still resides in it, any mention or attention to it brings pain. But once it has fully healed, you can refer to it without pain, usually to help someone else who has suffered in a similar manner.

When you find yourself using what happened to you to try and heal someone else’s wounds, you have healed.

HEALING FROM EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

Your spouse cheated on you. Nothing you can do will change that. Still, you’ve decided to stick it out and try to make the marriage work. Only you don’t trust him/her anymore, you are incredibly suspicious, and your anxiety of possibly being betrayed again is eating your heart out. You still feel intense pain over the last betrayal, and you can’t get past it to do your part in healing the marriage. This article gives some hints and tips to help you.

FIND A GOOD PASTOR OR MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

This is important. You need someone who has your marriage at heart. You need counsel, wisdom, and an impartial perspective. The Bible teaches us that attempting to help someone (such as your spouse) while struggling with your own problems often leads to something worse.

Matthew 7:4-5 – Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Someone who does not have an emotional stake in your marriage is much more apt to give you sound advice. Many arguments, tears, and time will be saved with a good pastor or marriage counselor.

I deal often with extramarital affairs in my community. Those who come to me often do so as a last resort. A lecture, some advice, and a few tools often will set them on the right path. Within 2 or 3 weeks they nearly always thank me for the obvious improvement in their marriage. It wasn’t me; it was the impartiality and clear headedness of a third perspective that allowed this to occur.

When my wife and I have problems–a rarity–we go to one of two men for advice. I understand my own weaknesses. Since I have an emotional stake in my own marriage, my thinking and feelings are clouded. I need that outside perspective.

It really helps.

I would make this mandatory. I would tell your spouse there is no negotiation about this. He or she may be embarrassed and may just want to put the whole thing behind them, but stick to your guns on this. Counseling isn’t to determine blame. It is to heal the wound.

BEGIN YOUR HEALING PROCESS BY CLEANING YOUR WOUNDS

As both a Christian and a pastor that deals extensively with marriages, I have found a simple, yet effective, technique to help the injured person heal from the pain of an extramarital affair. If you are not a Christian, I still suggest you give this a try, for it works.

Emotional pain is like an infection. If we don’t purge it from our system, it just spreads. Many a betrayed spouse has spoiled the possibility of salvaging his or her marriage because they never were able to get over the pain and distrust that such an act produces. But in order to heal, all those negative feelings need to come out. Just like any other physical wound, you need to clean it and get out all the infection before it will heal.

The procedure is simple:

1. Each day, write down how you currently feel about what your spouse did to you. Be expressive, honest, and forthcoming. Don’t lie to yourself. Write it all down.

2. Take the letter or list to God and tell Him all about it. Tell Him how you feel and why you feel that way. Tell Him how unfair it all is. Cry a little if you need to.

3. Then ask God to help you forgive. You may not be able to right that moment, but ask God for the strength and peace to do so.

4. Do steps 1-3 the very next day, and the day after that…and so forth.

Over a week or so, you’ll find your emotions not so devastating. You will find that when you write how you currently feel, it isn’t so negative. You will find that soon, you can forgive–and will forgive. Your prayers will change. Your heart will be more at peace. You will reclaim hope.

In regards to this procedure, a woman told me recently at a follow up marriage counseling session, “I didn’t think it would work. But it really did. Thank you.”

Getting the infection out is essential and this is a good way to do it! Don’t let it bottle up inside you. Don’t take it out on your spouse–no one likes to be confronted with their own weakness, sin, or failure. You may end up pushing them away even more. Tell it to God!

1 Peter 5:7 – Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

GIVE YOUR SPOUSE OPPORTUNITY TO EARN YOUR TRUST BACK

This will be one of the harder steps you will take. Once you are betrayed, it is hard to put yourself in a position to be betrayed again. But you must allow your spouse the opportunity to earn your trust back. Else, your marriage is doomed.

Talking with a shattered wife once, she mentioned how she just couldn’t ever trust him again. I pointed out that her fear was killing any hope she had of having the marriage she wanted. Until she could get her eyes off of her fear and onto the hope of a good marriage, she would never have a good marriage.

It isn’t fair. You were not the one who did the wrong, but now I am asking you to take the chances. I know it isn’t fair. But it is the only way. You must give them a chance to earn your trust.

Here is an idea to allow you to do this.

1. Write out a list of rules on how your spouse will conduct himself/herself around the opposite sex.
2. Be sure the rules are reasonable. Involve your pastor or counselor if necessary.
3. Ask your spouse to keep these rules to earn your trust back.

This will help you. When your spouse is talking to someone of the opposite sex, instead of fearing what he/she is thinking–something you can’t possibly know–watch to see if he/she is keeping your rules. If the rules are being kept, you know they are thinking of them and you. It will help you rid yourself of your fears.

This has been very successful for those who do it.

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARE COMPLETELY HEALED

Like any wound, when it is healed, it may leave a scar. The scar, however, doesn’t bring pain, it just brings memories. You know you are healed when you can use what happened to you to help someone else.

While the wound is fresh and raw or when infection still resides in it, any mention or attention to it brings pain. But once it has fully healed, you can refer to it without pain, usually to help someone else who has suffered in a similar manner.

When you find yourself using what happened to you to try and heal someone else’s wounds, you have healed.

THE DANGER OF SEX BEFORE AND OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE

Simply because something has become more acceptable to society as a whole doesn’t make it either right or without consequences. There are very real dangers that are associated with sex before and outside of marriage. I’m not looking for people to agree or disagree, but rather I’m looking to make some very sound, very logical, very clear presentations of the dangers.

IT IS THE NUMBER ONE SOURCE OF STDS

Statistics prove that having multiple partners increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Some are curable and some aren’t. And if you choose to have sex before or outside of marriage then the odds are you’ll have multiple partners. This is a danger that I’ll not linger on for it is one of the most known and written about.

IT MAKES HAVING A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP MORE DIFFICULT

Sex before or outside of marriage begins to gnaw away at your emotional ties to long term relationships. You find yourself divorcing your emotions from the actual act of sex. This cheapens your emotions and short-circuits your ability to form lasting and meaningful relationships.

Sex is a highly emotional experience-at least it ought to be. If it is not, then I can bet you’ve had multiple partners already. Molesting a child does emotional damage to that child for the rest of his or her life. This merely demonstrates the emotional impact of sex on our mental state. Even for a teenager or young adult, having sex outside of the committed relationship of marriage damages us emotionally and makes having a future lasting and committed relationship more difficult and for some impossible.

If you have any desire at all for a lifelong relationship where two people have given each other fully and completely to each other, consider what I am saying. Sex before marriage or outside of it damages your chances.

If sex is the foundation of a relationship, the relationship itself has very little to support it. The foundation of a marriage ought to be the commitment they both people have towards each other. The sexual act becomes a wonderful expression of that commitment, it says, “You and only you.” But sex outside of marriage says something completely different. It certainly harms your ability to stay within a lasting and meaningful relationship.

Over the years that I’ve been counseling marriages, the ones that seem to have the fewest problems and the ones that seem to be strongest are those that saved themselves for each other. They let sex become a statement of their commitment and dedication, not a selfish fulfillment of a bodily function.

But the marriages where either of the two have had sex before or outside of it have commitment issues. They can’t have sex with each other and have it mean the same thing as those who saved themselves. I have to help them find another means to express that commitment.

IT MAKES SEX, AS AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE, EMPTY

The standard argument for having sex outside of marriage or even before it is this: If two people love each other, then what is so wrong with having sex?

If the only means to say, “I love you,” is to have sex, then we are in trouble. Sex ought to be the final expression of your love when you have thrown yourself completely and absolutely into a lifelong relationship. Anything less than complete commitment makes the expression of sex mundane and often even vain.

Someone who only seeks to have sex without the emotional impact of it only wants the physical ride, but not the expression of love that is meant to go with it. I’ve witnessed so many people struggle and struggle to find any meaningful relationship. Love has been cheapened to them and often becomes empty.

Sex, as a final act of commitment, is a powerful statement of love, one that my wife and I cherish deeply. I am so glad that I was able to give her this gift, and that she was able to give this to me. Sex, for us, deepens our commitment and rekindles our excitement. But done outside of the marriage, this no longer becomes true.

IT ROBS YOU OF SELF WORTH

Sex ought to be the period or exclamation mark on your love and commitment to another person. Take away the commitment and replace it with a cheap love, you rob yourself of one of the most precious gifts you can give. It also damages your own self worth. You’ll begin to think either less of yourself, or others will think less of you. A woman who is loose is seen as a cheap thrill for a man. A man who goes from woman to woman is usually seen as a bad risk by a woman seeking to have a real and meaningful relationship.

More than that, people who never get to know you emotionally, spiritually, or mentally and still have sex with you never do get to know you beyond that. Once the physical is introduced, it often becomes the body of the relationship instead of putting the exclamation point on it. People rarely explore a relationship beyond the physical. You have fun with no depth. You have excitement with no meaning. This always erodes your own self image in either your own eyes or the eyes of others.

There comes a point when age and experience allows you to realize that sex is not the relationship. But if that is all you have, your mind and heart begins to drift and you begin to question your own self worth. Is it just your body that the other craves? What happens when you get sick, or old, or wrinkled? Will you be loved when you can’t perform like you do now? Can the relationship survive outside of the sexual act?

No teenage boy will emerge from a nursing home and say to his friends, “I saw a lot of sexy old women today!” Yet, every one of his future sex partners will eventually look like that and so will he.

There is more to you, more to your relationships than sex. Sex in marriage is the period or exclamation mark on a relationship that has significantly more depth and understanding to it than the physical. Ironically, it actually makes the sexual act much more enjoyable and meaningful done this way.

IT WILL HAUNT YOU IN FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS

This I can practically guarantee. I don’t have the time to recount the number of marriages that struggle because of some indiscretion before or outside of the marriage. If you had to deal with the problems I have, you’d feel the same way I do about this entire issue.

Regret, depression, anxiety, abortion, nightmares, suspicion, trust issues, child support, adultery, anger, bitterness, rape, health issues, troubled children, rebellious teenagers using the past against the parent, teenage pregnancies, divorce, cancer, Aids, pornography, addictions, birth defects, and many, many more are all issues that I can often trace back to sex before or outside of marriage.

I’ve dealt with all of the above things and more in counseling broken marriages. Almost always, I can trace the root of the issue to sex before or outside of the marriage.

I can’t honestly think of a marriage that hasn’t been haunted by sexual misconduct before the marriage. And there are many examples of this. A woman who was sexually molested or abused as a child will find it difficult to trust men in general and her husband in particular. That’s not her fault, but it is something she will live with. A man that has had sex with many different women struggles to convince his wife that he loves her and only her and he constantly deals with his memories and even dreams. His protestations of love are often viewed as cheap and insufficient.

I could go on and on and on about the problems that are created because of sex before or outside of marriage. Lifelong relationships always suffer as a result.

FOR THE CHRISTIAN

Naturally, God discourages sex before marriage. I read once where someone argued that God never discouraged such a thing, but even a casual reading of the Scriptures will dissuade you from that notion.

Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 – Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman (sexually). Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Sex, in God’s eyes, is more than a physical act. It is a spiritual experience meant to illustrate to us the joy of being in the presence of the Lord. Interestingly enough, fornication is often depicted as idolatry.

Deuteronomy 31:16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Behold, thou shalt sleep with thy fathers; and this people will rise up, and go a whoring after the gods of the strangers of the land, whither they go to be among them, and will forsake me, and break my covenant which I have made with them.

2 Chronicles 21:11 Moreover he made high places in the mountains of Judah, and caused the inhabitants of Jerusalem to commit fornication, and compelled Judah thereto.

God sees sex as a demonstration of a commitment to one person. Anything else is seen as fornication, whoring, adultery, and other sexual perversions. By keeping our sexual activities limited to one person in the bonds of marriage, we reinforce our own Christian bond and union with Jesus Christ. Marriage itself is compared scripturally to salvation in Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:21-33). Marriage is a microcosm, a means by which we understand God better, of the relationship we have between Jesus Christ.

Marriage is a wonderful picture of the security we have in Jesus Christ for salvation. Sex is a wonderful, spiritual, picture of the joy we have in Christ. It is holy, right, and honorable in marriage.

No matter if you are a Christian or not, there are plenty of dangers to experiencing sexual activity outside of the marriage. The dangers are real. They do exist. And they do cause more problems than you’d ever really believe.

Again, if you could sit in my seat and listen to the broken, struggling, and desperate lives that result from this, you’d see why I hold these opinions.

REBELLIOUS WIVES!

God wants you to be a "help meet"

What is a "help meet" and where does that term come from?  The term comes from the Bible in Genesis 2:18 which reads:

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

The Hebrew meaning of the phrase "help meet" in the Word of God is simply "one who helps."  The Bible teaches that it is the wife's duty to HELP her husband.   You may not agree with that, but it is God's plan.  Many women have simply sold-out to the ungodly influences of the feminist movement and refuse to accept any such teaching.  I overhead a woman once say, "I'm never going to get married, I'm not going to wait on any man hand and foot."  Is it any coincidence that she is a career woman in her mid 30's with no husband or children?  I think not!  She is miserable by the way.  Evil influences of such women as Gloria Brown, editor ofCosmopolitan Magazine have ruined women for over three decades.  Brown pompously prides herself in having been a prostitute in the 1960's.  No woman (especially Christian women) should support such a magazine in any way.  It is of the devil.  There is no greater role for a woman in this world than being at her husband's side.  When Tammy Wynette first sang her most memorable song, "Stand by Your Man," the feminists went nuts!  She was accused of trying to protect abuse husbands and tyrants.  That was probably one of the best country songs ever produced.  Every wife needs to resolve to stand by her man!  If you love him you will. 

Many foolish women have DESTROYED their husbands!  Divorce has sky-rocketed!  Jennifer Lopez is a classic example of a rebellious wife (she's already had multiple husbands because she refuses to obey, she is also living in adultery according to the Word of God).  Lopez' own grandmother has expressed disgust and shame over her granddaughters lewd and lascivious behavior.  The Bible condemns Jennifer Lopez, I do not.

 "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." -Proverb 14:1

The wise wife builds her family, she has more power over her husband than the Bible.  Remember that Adam chose to side with Eve rather than God.  What kind of wife are you?

"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;" -1st Peter 3:1

"Conversation" in 1st Peter 3:1 means "manner of life."  The life you live is your manner of life.  Sarah obeyed Abraham, even called him lord.  This is greatly admirable for any woman.  Sarah's use of the word "lord" was simply her way of saying, "Hey, your the boss Abraham!"  Sarah was loyal.

"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well..." -1st Peter 3:6

 Jezebel on the other hand destroyed her husband spiritually, she was a Hillary Clinton to Israel.

"But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the LORD, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up." -1st Kings 21:25

Jezebel was a feminist, she wore the pants in the home.  Ahab was henpecked for sure.  Jezebel was the epitome of what every wife should NOT be.  Holy women who trust in God WILL submit to their own husbands, rebels won't.  Unfortunately, most women are more Hollywood than holy.

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:" -1st Peter 3:5

Notice the Bible says, "their own husbands."  A woman is under no obligation whatsoever to submit to ANY MAN except her husband.  There is nothing in the Bible which teaches that a woman is to submit to her pastor or any other man besides her husband.   Some foolish women have been brainwashed into believing that they were supposed to submit to their pastor more than their own husband, this is sinful.  You obey your own husband, no one else!  There are plenty of religious men out there who will take advantage of weak-minded women.  You and your husband are ONE in God's eyes, don't ever forget that.  Let your strength be your love and loyalty to your husband. 

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

You and your husband must protect one another.  Obey your husband!  By the way, too many wives submit to their mother instead of to their own husband, sinfully so.  Mind your own marriage mom, let your children live!  A husband and wife are to be a team, but someone's got to be in charge or else your going to have a house divided, a two-headed monster.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." -Ephesians 5:22

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." -Colossians 3:18

The Bible teaches that a woman's place is IN THE HOME, not the factory or office. 

 "I will therefore that the younger womenmarry, bear children, guide the house,give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." -1st Timothy 5:14

So the Bible, God's inspired Word, teaches that it is God's will for women to get married, have children, guide the house and not cause trouble.  God is saying that a woman should work in the home.  "Guiding the house" means that she is to take care of the business of the home.  A family has much to be done.  Children need attending to and training.  Dishes need to be washed.  Clothes need to be cleaned and ironed.  Home-cooked meals need to be planned, gathered and prepared.  Being a full-time mother is a tremendous amount of work! 

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

It is a shame that many children today are growing up on less than nutritious diets.  With all the processed foods, should it be surprising that so many children are malnourished and obese?  Not at all!  Genesis 6:4 says that man's days would be six score (that's 120 years old)!  People living up in the Himalayan Mountains today are reportedly living to be well over 100.   So why do we Americans die at a MUCH younger age? (for many reasons: lack of proper vitamins and minerals, poisons in our foods, stress, pollution, lack of bodily exercise, fluoridation of water, harmful medicines, dangerous vaccinations, cigarettes, alcohol, etc).  It's amazing to me that people live beyond 50. 

It is a mother's duty to learn about these things and to safeguard her home.  Every mother should be an expert on nutrition.  If I were a mother, I would try to become an expert (as much as possible) in all areas relevant to my family.  It doesn't take a lot of money to properly feed your family.  Junk food is much more expensive.   There is NO GREATER title or job in the world than that of being a wife and mother.   Society today is totally backwards.  Women who stay at home and guide the house as God wants them to are often labeled as being "slaves, weak or stupid."  On the contrary; they are obeying God's Word, the Bible.  Any woman can apply for a job and work 9 to 5, but it takes a God-fearing woman to obey 1st Timothy 5:14. 

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

A mother needs to be at home with her children.  A wife needs to prepare to meet her husband when he comes home tired from work.   The house needs to be clean.  If she is the proper kind of wife, her husband will be praised by others who notice her virtue and character (Proverb 31:23).  A wife is to submit to her husband (1st Peter 3:1-5). 

The true heroes in America are it's loyal hard-working mothers and wives who keep the home-fires burning!  Phooey on the feminists who condemn God-fearing mothers that stay at home to guide their homes, care for their children and love their husband.  America needs a revival of mothers!!!  It is appalling to know that so many parents entrust their children to strangers at some day-care center.  Children belong at home.  I believe that we as Christians need to step back for a moment and take a good look at what's happening in America.  The big picture is ugly.  It's bad enough that mother's are being forced into the workplace due to the lack of decent paying jobs for men (or divorce), now career women aren't even having children anymore.  I heard today on the news that "the morning after pill" is going to be made freely available as an over-the-counter product.  First the rich elites used abortion to reduce the population under the guise of "women's rights," now they're doing everything they can do promote birth control.  There is something very wrong with this picture. 

You ladies who stay home and care for your family are to be greatly praised, thank you on behalf of America!  For you militant femi-nazi rebels who refuse to cater to a man, listen to the Word of God...

"For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry..." -1st Samuel 15:23

I am NOT trying to be unkind, just honest.  We need a revival in this nation.  Husbands need to start loving their wives as God commands.  Wives need to start obeying their husbands.  And you husbands, your wife would be much more likely to submit if you would start to be fair and show her more respect and love.  The Bible is clear, a wife is commanded to be in subjection to her own husband.  I'm tired of these wimpy religious speakers who try to water-down the truth.  Rebellion is as witchcraft, there are no excuses! 

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

Either your going to obey your husband or your not.  If you don't, God will judge you as one who practices witchcraft.  It is a serious matter to God.  America is only as strong as it's families.  As I type, America's families are in pathetic condition spiritually.  The divorce rate has steadily increased since 1900.  As America delves deeper into wickedness, this trend will continue.  Each and every mother and father must proclaim with Joshua...

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." -Joshua 24:15

This is the attitude we must have, "I'm living for God, you do what you have to do!"  Are you a rebel?  How's your marriage doing?  The only way any woman is going to get married and make a relationship last for decades to come is to learn to follow God's plan (whether your a Christian or not).  The same is true of men.  Fellas, if you love your wife you'll put up with her (and shell put up with you)!  I'll say it again, If you love your wife you'll put up with her!  Again, If you love your wife you'll put up with her!  Once more, If you love your wife you'll put up with her!  Love is what keeps a marriage together; not the synthetic kind of love that the world offers and sings about.  I'm talking about agape love, true love.  The Greek word "agape" describes a love that never fails: a love that cares not for it's own, but others; a love that endures, for better, for worse; a love that causes our heart to surpass our emotions; a love that causes a man to deal with his wife according to knowledge and not emotional bitterness and hate; a love that causes a wife to obey her husband.  America is filled with feminist rebels, which has spurred the lesbian movement.  Some women hate men so much that they would prefer to marry another woman and adopt children.  This is reflective of their hatred for God.  By the way, I triple-dog dare you to show me one sodomite who ever started a church and influenced a nation for God! 

It's time for America's women to repent of their rebellious ways and put some clothes back onto their bodies.  It's time for America's fathers to start spending more time with their children.  It's time for America's mothers to be honored and career women take a back-seat.  It is pathetic how young girls are being brain-washed by the public school system to enter the workforce.  No sir!  Those young girls need to be taught how to make clothes, cook, bake, dress appropriately, walk, talk, respect authority, etc.  Our young boys need to learn chivalry, ethics, hard work, morals, decency, respect for the opposite sex, manhood, etc, etc, etc.  But you say, "Their supposed to learn that at home."  Ok, then why do they BY LAW have to go to school to learn their ABC's and their 123's?  Why do they HAVE to legally go learn that they evolved from a monkey type creature?  Those poor kids are coming home overburdened with ridiculous amounts of homework, and many are still failing school.  What's going on in America?  I'll tell you, the government is trying to dumb down the kids in preparation for the New World Order.  Dumb kids aren't a threat to the establishment.  Educate you kids folks!  Don't rely upon the godless school system.  It's our responsibility to train our children for motherhood and fatherhood.  You'd think in a nation where the divorce rate is over 50% that the government would panic and do something.  We'll, it's not going to happen because the government doesn't care about us, their just puppets to the higher globalist elite (CFR).  The government has become an unstoppable monster, out of control, hi-jacked by some very evil, greedy and selfish rich people.  You will NOT see a U.S. President in office who is not a member of the CFR (Council on Foreign Relations).  Prove me wrong!  The CFR could care less about American patriotism, the Bible, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights or the American worker.  As the CFR gains more control, the elements I just mentioned will be diminished until destroyed.  Stand up!  Fight!  Tell everyone you know what is going on!  Go Here to learn more.  Ever heard Smokey-the-bear say, "Only you can prevent forest fires?"  Well, now Smokey's telling you that "ONLY YOU can prevent your child from going to the devil!"  "ONLY YOU can prevent your marriage from falling apart!"  Read The Marriage Mess by Jack Chick.  "ONLY YOU can prevent sin entering into your own home."   YOU mom and dad must teach your child how to cope with marriage problems, bills, worries, and everything that deals with life.  We are so foolish in America. 

I've said all that simply to say that everything rises and falls on motherhood.  If your going to have a successful marriage, then you are going to have to work at it.  Your husband needs your help.  The devil wants to destroy your husband (through you if you foolishly let him).  Even 1st Peter 3:1 teaches that a woman can have more power over her husband than the Word of God can.  You have a lot of influence and power as a woman and mother.  What are your children going to become someday?  Are you HELPING your husband, or causing him nothing but grief and arguing with him all the time?  Your children will someday be what your making them now.  Your marriage will be what you are making it now.  It takes time and deliberate EFFORT to build a successful marriage that will weather the storms of life when they come (most marriages aren't making it).  Could it be because we are a nation which "trusts in goods" more than we "trust in God?"  I think so.

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

I believe in big families (Genesis 1:28).  Do you really think that God's planet can become overpopulated?  The global elite seem to think so (Luke 12:30), but we are NOT to worry about such things (Luke 12:29).  Children are a gift from God!  America's mothers need to have many children and raise them up for the Lord Jesus Christ.  This all begins with a godly home!  No home will ever be a home if mom and dad refuse to accept their proper roles in the Marriage.  A husband must be understanding, not a tyrant, committed to God, an honest man, fair to his wife and kids, etc.  A woman must be submissive to her husband and obedient, but the husband must allow her to express her opinions and he must be fair about the decisions he makes.  Many women refuse to obey their husbands (and sinfully so) because their husbands aren't fair or nice (Ephesians 4:30).  A marriage must be a "team effort."  It must NOT be a 50/50 deal, but rather 100%.  When you stated your marriage vows, you said "for better or for WORSE."  If you only obey your husband in "for better," then you are a bad wife.  If you husbands only love your wife in "for better," then you are a bad husband.  A husband is to love regardless, a wife is to submit regardless!  Surely, for a man to expect his wife to obey him if he's a tyrant is unfair.  Many men are monsters at home (this includes Christian men as well).  Every man gets angry, but he must know what LINES he cannot cross when angry.  The same is true of women.  Many men are angered because of a lazy wife who won't clean the house (or messes it up herself).  I could write a giant book of hypothetical situations, the bottom line is that we need a revival in America of how why treat each other at home (Ephesians 4:30,31).  The devil can only defeat us if we allow him to!  Many marriages don't last because they were extremely unstable to begin with.  Do NOT marry an unbeliever (2nd Corinthians 6:14), you will have father-in-law troubles with the devil.  Make a mutual commitment with your spouse to guard your marriage against Satanic attacks of the devil and his minions.  When you refuse to be a HELP MEET to your husband and submit to his authority, you are allowing the devil to gain entrance into your marriage.  Hopefully, you are not married to a husband who is an abusive tyrant (Malachi 2:14).  Is it worth all the fighting and arguing (Ephesians 4:30-31)?  Wives need to obey their husbands.  The same can be said about the husbands being fair, honest, respectful and loving their wives.  Is your marriage a house divided?  A two-headed monster?  And you husbands, be sure to read Mutual Submission (you ladies will be surprised at what the Bible teaches). We all need to get right with God in this world.

10 WOMEN CHRISTIAN MEN SHOULD NOT MARRY

In a former post, I detailed 10 men that Christian women ought to avoid when considering marriage.  Today, I present to you my list for Christian men.

“I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner,taking the road to her house” (Proverbs 7:7-8).

1. The Unbeliever. 

Scripture is replete with exhortations against such marriages (in both the Old and New Testaments).  Contrary to popular misconception, God’s prohibition against marriages to foreign women in the Old Testament was not due to racism.  Instead, God was simply preventing the spread of idolatry.  Israel, God’s chosen people in the Old Testament, represented what Christians would later represent in the New Testament.  Hence, God’s prohibition against marrying an unbelieving woman in the New Testament (2 Cor 6:14) is simply the extension of God prohibiting a Hebrew man from from marrying a Canaanite woman in the Old Testament (Deut 7:3-4).  “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the LORD’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you” (Deut 7:3-4).

What then, is a believer?  A Christian essentially is someone who believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  What then, is the gospel?  The gospel is: 1. God is holy, loving, and just.  He therefore, must condemn all sinners to punishment in the flames of eternal hell;  2. You and I are all sinners who deserve nothing but God’s wrath in hell after our deaths; 3. God loved humanity so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus (who was fully God and fully man), to die on the cross for your sins.  Jesus paid the debt for your sins and absorbed God’s wrath on your behalf.  3 days later, Jesus resurrected from the dead; 4. If you repent (turn from) all your sins and personally put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord, God and Savior, then you will have eternal life. (For more information on the saving message of the gospel, click here.)

2. The Divorcee. 

Jesus clearly taught that unless the first marriage ended due to a partner’s sexual infidelity, a second marriage is to be considered invalid and adulterous (I explain this teaching further here).  A divorced woman, therefore, is off limits for a Christian man–unrepentant adultery being a sin that prevents one from obtaining eternal life (1 Cor 6:9).  “If she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:12). “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

3. The Older Woman.

Not a sin, but certainly not God’s ideal.  God expects men to be the spiritual leaders of the home (Eph 5:25) and it certainly requires an extra measure of grace to lead a woman who’s older than you.  Again, if you’re a man and you’re already in such a marriage, then honor it till the day you die–it’s still a valid marriage and divorce is not an option!  However, if you’re not yet married but thinking about an older woman I want to remind you that God intentionally (with good reason!) created Adam before Eve in the First Marriage.  Scripture informs us that God created man first chronologically for the sake of authority!  Listen:  “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:12-13).  Evidently, within the First Marriage, God intended chronology (age) to be a reason for authority.

Apparently, even secular researchers are now beginning to discover results that back up God’s wisdom as demonstrated in the Bible:

“If you’re a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.” (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, “What’s Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability,” Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009.)“Marriage generally improves life expectancy, but the age gap between a couple affects the life expectancy of men and women very differently.  Marrying an older man shortens a woman’s lifespan, but having a younger husband reduces it even more, the study found.  The findings, drawn from the medical records of two million Danish couples, suggest that the best a woman can do is marry a man of about the same age. Health records have shown previously that men live longer if they have a younger wife, an effect researchers expected to see mirrored in women who married younger men. However, a woman who is between seven and nine years older than her husband has a 20% greater mortality rate than if she were with a man the same age.” (Source: http://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/may/12/marrying-younger-man-woman-mortality)“A new study shows that women who marry men seven to nine years younger than they are increase their mortality risk by 20 percent. This is the opposite of the finding for men who marry much younger wives – their life expectancyincreases. The new study from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Rostock, Germany, changes assumptions about how marriage can extend life, owing in part to improved support systems spouses can provide for one another, and the supposed psychological benefit from having a younger spouse, who could become a caretaker should the older spouse become infirm.”

4. The Feminist. 

There’s no room within Christendom for the “Christian feminist.”  Though women and men have equal value in the eyes of God (Gal 3:28), they certainly have different God-given roles.  Any woman who tries to usurp her husband’s authority or even claims to be a co-leader with her man is gravely dishonoring the God who created her to be subject and obedient to her husband (Eph 5:22, Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1).   Eve was distinctly created “for” man, a point that the apostle Paul makes abundantly clear in 1 Corinthians 11 when he writes, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8-9).  Men, your wife is to be your “helper” (Gen 2:18)–not your leader and certainly not your equal in terms of authority.  Look for a woman who agrees with you in this very vital God-ordained relational dynamic.

5. The Immodest-Dresser. 

Sexy might inadvertently catch your eyeballs, but it shouldn’t catch your heart.  The way that a woman is willing to expose herself says much about her heart: “And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart” (Proverbs 7:10).  The text in Proverbs explains that a woman will dress in a certain way to catch a certain type of man.  Don’t be that man.  Don’t be the fool who’s led by his hormones instead of the Holy Spirit.  Remember: you want godly, not gaudy.  

6. The Gossiper/Slanderer. 

Women may love to talk, but there’s wisdom in looking for a woman who speaks with wisdom. Gossip and slander are not good things to have in your marriage. Desperate housewives make for desperate husbands.  “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” (1 Timothy 5:13).

7. The Childbirth Avoider. 

Do not marry a woman who is not willing to have children of her own.  In the Christian worldview, there is absolutely no room for two married, biologically capable, human beings to remain intentionally child-less.  If you are adverse towards having children, then there’s a simple remedy for that: single-hood.   However, if God has called you to marriage, then He actually expects children.  Both the New and Old Testaments are very clear on this teaching: “Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring” (Malachi 2:15).  “Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control” (1 Timothy 2:15).

8. The Wander-Luster.  

There’s nothing wrong with the occasional family vacation.  There is something very wrong with a girl who regularly needs to be “out of the home.”  The constant desire for new experiences, new places, new faces, and new forms of entertainment only serves to clearly manifest the fact that the woman has not found her rest in God.  Believe it or not, Scripture speaks repeatedly about such women:  “She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home” (Proverbs 7:11); “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to” (1 Timothy 5:13).

9. The Career-first Woman. 

Now, I want to clarify something here.  There is nothing wrong with a woman who works (Acts 16:14), what’s wrong is a woman who puts her career ahead of her family.  Modern American society might hate to hear this, but God made men to be the providers and women to be the nurturers of the home (in most instances).  It’s okay for a woman to be a doctor, attorney, or any other professional.  However, if her career is coming at the expense of her home, then something is wrong.  If day-care is raising her young children while she’s working, then something is wrong.  I understand that there might be a season of life where the wife might have to be the main bread-winner due to her husband’s unemployment, but it should not be the desired norm. The woman ought to be willing (and even desirous–to some extent) to give up her job for the sake of raising her kids in the Lord.  “So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander” (1 Tim 5:14).

10. The Devotion-less Woman. 

Is the woman having a regular, daily devotional time with her God?  If she doesn’t love the Lord now, chances are, she won’t love the Lord after marriage.  (Don’t delude yourself–you’re not going to change her.)  You want to marry a girl who has an intimate relationship with Jesus.  Jesus (not you) has to be the first man in her life.  Here are some good questions to ask: Does she have an active prayer life?  Does she have a heart for evangelism?  Is she hungry for God’s Word?  What does her pastor think about her?

Do you remember this account from Scripture:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. [39] And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. [40] But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” [41] But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, [42] but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 ESV)

Marry the Mary (no pun intended).  Such women have picked “…the good portion, which will not be taken away” from them. God be with you men.  Strong families start with strong wives.  Choose wisely and choose in the Lord!

10 MEN CHRISTIAN WOMEN SHOULD NOT MARRY

Divorce for Christians (except for 1 reason) is never permitted by God. Hence, you must choose well. Outside of your decision to follow Jesus, marriage will be your 2nd greatest decision in life. So, here’s my take on a paramount issue.

10 Men Christian Women Should Not Marry:

1. The Unbeliever. 

Seems quite simple, but I’ve met too many who’ve married unbelievers thinking that they’ll change them. Rarely happens. “Missionary Dating” is unbiblical and will only rob you of true marital bliss. Remember that God forbids it: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” (2 Cor 6:14)

What then, is a believer?  A Christian essentially is someone who believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  What then, is the gospel?  The gospel is: 1. God is holy, loving, and just.  He therefore, must condemn all sinners to punishment in the flames of eternal hell;  2. You and I are all sinners who deserve nothing but God’s wrath in hell after our deaths; 3. God loved humanity so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus (who was fully God and fully man), to die on the cross for your sins.  Jesus paid the debt for your sins and absorbed God’s wrath on your behalf.  3 days later, Jesus resurrected from the dead; 4. If you repent (turn from) all your sins and personally put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord, God and Savior, then you will have eternal life.

2. The Younger Man. 

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily call this one a sin, but I would certainly say that it is not God’s ideal. (And why would you want anything less than God’s ideal for marriage?)  We all know that wives are called to submit to their husbands, as to the Lord (Eph 5:22). God explicitly calls men to be the spiritual leaders of their families. En route to making the first marriage, God created Adam first, and then Eve. Did God have a wise reason for creating Adam first or was the first marriage randomly constructed by God?  According to the apostle Paul, it was not done arbitrarily. Instead, this was done for the sake of authority. As Paul informs us, authority flows from chronology: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13-14). In other words, age matters–generally within society but especially within marriage (hence, Paul’s use of “Adam and Eve”).  Evidently, within the First Marriage, God intended chronology (age) to be a reason for authority.

I would definitely call for wives who are already married in this situation to still submit to their younger husbands as the Bible commands (divorce is not an option), but they’ll need an extra measure of God’s grace as the natural fallen tendency of all daughters of Eve is to usurp their husbands’ authority (Gen 3:16). To those who are not yet wed, I would plead with you to marry an older Christian man. It is God’s ideal and your marriage will be happier for it.

Don’t want to believe that God knew what He was doing when He intentionally made the male older in the First Marriage?  Okay then, here’s some statistics from secular research that backs up God’s wisdom:

“If you’re a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.” (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, “What’s Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability,” Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009.)”Marriage generally improves life expectancy, but the age gap between a couple affects the life expectancy of men and women very differently. Marrying an older man shortens a woman’s lifespan, but having a younger husband reduces it even more, the study found.  The findings, drawn from the medical records of two million Danish couples, suggest that the best a woman can do is marry a man of about the same age. Health records have shown previously that men live longer if they have a younger wife, an effect researchers expected to see mirrored in women who married younger men. However, a woman who is between seven and nine years older than her husband has a 20% greater mortality rate than if she were with a man the same age.” (Source: http://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/may/12/marrying-younger-man-woman-mortality)”A new study shows that women who marry men seven to nine years younger than they are increase their mortality risk by 20 percent. This is the opposite of the finding for men who marry much younger wives – their life expectancyincreases. The new study from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Rostock, Germany, changes assumptions about how marriage can extend life, owing in part to improved support systems spouses can provide for one another, and the supposed psychological benefit from having a younger spouse, who could become a caretaker should the older spouse.

3. The Spiritually Younger Man. 

Though age is important, a man’s spiritual maturity is also important (and by the way, please don’t bamboozle yourself by saying, “Well, as long as he’s SPIRITUALLY older than me, his age doesn’t matter–as I’ve laid out in point two, it does matter!). Look for a man who will love you as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25), and if he doesn’t even know “how” Christ loved the Church, then it’s time for you to find another man. He must lead you as Christ led His Church. Too many women date spiritually immature men who only lead them to the murky waters of marital spiritual loneliness. Make sure he’s grounded in a local church. Speak to his pastor and his elders. Have devotionals together. Marriage is a serious decision. Take serious steps.

4. The Divorced Man. 

This one’s fairly straight-forward in Scripture: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery” (Luke 16:18; I explain this prohibition further here). Bottom line: Any 2nd marriage is adultery in the eyes of God, unless the 1st marriage terminated due to adultery.

What to do if you’re in a 2nd marriage that’s really viewed as adultery in the eyes of God?  Same thing I would advise a “married” gay couple in NY state if they came to faith in Christ–immediately break it up!  Of course, it won’t be emotionally easy, but the eternal destiny of your soul depends upon a correct response on this issue (1 Cor 6:9).

5. The Angry Man. 

Men who cannot control their emotions prior to marriage will, in all likelihood, be angry men after marriage. Try not to rationalize this one by saying, “Well, I deserved that…I made him angry.” Outbursts of anger are bouts of sin and there’s no excuse. Furthermore, those things usually turn into domestic abuse later on. Remember, marriage is about love. I know, it sounds easy to remember, but you’d be surprised.
“Fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:20-21 ESV)

6. The Self-Admirer. 

I know, I know, you want a good looking spouse. That desire is not a bad thing. But if a man is spending more time at the gym and in front of the mirror than at church and in God’s Word, then that man won’t love you as Christ loved the Church. In fact, he won’t love you–period. He loves himself and he probably just wants you for physical pleasure. If he’s changing profile pictures often, obsessing over his looks and photo angles, then be wary. “For everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world.” (1 John 2:16)

7. The Dishonest. 

I once had a man come to me and say, “Pastor, I have a confession to make. I’ve lied for years to my wife about __________, and the wife has now discovered my dishonesty.” We have since split ways and I no longer pastor him, but last I heard, she was no longer living with him and was processing a divorce. Marriage is built on trust. Without it, the entire enterprise quickly unravels. Women, if he’s lied to you before marriage, he’ll keep it up after. If he’s having sex before marriage, he’ll likely cheat on you after marriage. Look for a honest guy. Pray for one. Remember that the devil is the father of lies (John 8:44).

8. The Addict. 

Whether it’s porn or drugs, if you’ve discovered that your boyfriend is an addict, stop dating him and talk to his church leaders about it. At the moment, the man needs help–not a wife. Men who’ve covered up their sins while continuing to go to church are some of the worst deceivers. They’re also usually self-deluded. And no matter how much he pleads with you, let it go. The man needs Jesus–not a woman. Until the bondage is broken, release him to Christ (Exodus 20:3).

9. The Idle. 

If his idea of an ideal marriage is letting you work while he stays home sleeping and relaxing, then you should find another man. There is a deep theology to work and in fact, if the man is not providing for his family, the Bible calls him worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).

10. The Un-Evangelist. 

Okay, maybe I made up the term, but the point is clear (Mark 16:15). If the man says that he believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ–meaning that there is 1. a literal hell awaiting unbelievers, 2. grace and pardon available to all who put their faith in Jesus–but he simultaneously does NOT evangelize…does he really believe? Does he really love God? Does he really love people? Will he ever love you the way Christ loved and died for His Church (when evidently, he’s too ashamed to even proclaim the death of Christ)?

“I’ve always said that I don’t respect people who don’t proselytize. I don’t respect that at all. If you believe that there’s a heaven and a hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life, and you think that it’s not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think people shouldn’t proselytize and who say just leave me alone and keep your religion to yourself—how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn’t believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that.”

All that’s very true. How much do you have to hate somebody to not evangelize? “How much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?” Unless, of course, he really doesn’t believe…but then, we would discover ourselves back at warning point number 1 of this post.

THINGS WOMEN PRETEND THEY DON'T LIKE...BUT THEY'RE LYING

MEN claim that women are complicated and that they do not know what they want, but I am here to set the record straight once and for all. Women  are not complicated, just a  misunderstood.

Most of them know what they want from the minute they meet a man, they just pretend they don't because that is what most women do every day of the week — play mind games.

Anyway, here are seven things they pretend they don't like, but they are straight up lying about it.

1. Being like Eve

We would love if we could just lie beside you naked like Eve in the garden of Eden, and get a peaceful night's rest at least two nights out of seven. The reason we pretend we don't like to sleep naked is because some men don't have any limits. A woman coming to bed naked every night would mean open invitation for sex every night. Some of you don't have any conscience, that is why we lie, so we can get some sleep.

2. Sexy times

The truth about it is that many of us are closet freaks. If we are really into you, we will spend most of our waking hours thinking about banging you, than what you would spend thinking about banging us. The problem is that if a woman openly admits that, she is immediately labelled as loose.

3. Going down

Women pretend they don't like cunnilingus, but guys, they do that only when it is not being done properly. For those Jamaican men who still have hang-ups about it, if you intend to try it, just remember you are treading into uncharted territory, so get some decent lessons. This is not something to try if you are not properly trained. If you are not willing to be trained, please stay in your lane, this race is not for you. You do not have the stamina or neck flexibility for it. Please leave it alone.

4. Domination

Women like when their men take control. We pretend we don't like men to be our bosses in relationships because some men tend to go a little overboard with power and become control freaks. When we find a man who tells us exactly what he wants and he is decisive and in control of the relationship, we often sit back and smile and say to ourselves, 'that's my man!'

5. The proposal

Women pretend that they don't care whether a man proposes to them or not, but we all know, as Maury would say, that is a lie. That lie has been perpetrated from generation to generation to protect a woman's pride. It is a defence mechanism. Most of us want to get married, we want that monogamous relationship. Women who often say that they don't need a piece of paper to solidify their relationship are lying because not only do they yearn for the paper, they want the dress, the cake, the bragging rights, the Facebook pictures, the whole nine yards.

6. Meat on the bones

We often pretend that we do not like men with a little meat, but we are really lying. The fact is that we really cannot stand scrawny men. We need to feel at least one or two muscles somewhere, anywhere.

7. Jealousy

We pretend we are not jealous of the girlfriend/best friends that you claim is just your friend from high school days. Women wouldn't mind if you were their only female friend. They lie whenever they say they are OK with that friend, because in a woman's mind, every other woman is after their man no matter what condition the man is in. That is how women are, very territorial.

The truth is that some women lie as much as some men do, and maybe even more, the only difference is that... well there is none, most women and men lie either by nature or nurture.