6 PHRASES MORE IMPORTANT THAN, “I LOVE YOU ”

“I love you.”

It’s one of the most sought after phrases in the world. The things people will do to hear someone say, “I love you” have surprised us in countless stories, movies and songs. The things people will do for someone who loves them are equally as astounding.

Why do we love hearing, “I love you” so much? Maybe its the promise of holding a place in someone’s heart, or the awakening knowledge of a new significance you hold in someone’s life. Often it’s the phrase expressed before a relationship takes it’s next step, the expression that one is loved for all their silly quirks, for their looks, for their heart, or for who they are (the good, the bad, and the imperfection). People thrive off that idea, that they are enough, that they are someone’s everything.

We love to be loved.

So why then is love such a complicated thing? Why do people who say they love each other split? Why do marriages end? Why are love songs sometimes sad? Why do broken hearts exist? How can a person who was once your everything, become a stranger, or even an enemy?

Is it because love is ultimately bad? Or even a fleeting feeling, that only some people are lucky enough to experience forever?

I believe in love. I believe in its strength and significance in relationships. But I have also learned that love isn’t always enough. You need more than love to make a relationship work. Love starts many great romances, but love alone won’t make a relationship last forever.

There are six phrases that I think are as important, and possibly more important than “I love you.” Phrases that I think we should all hear from those we are close to. Phrases that should be as important to us as a declaration of love.  

1. “I forgive you.”
I forgive you for all the things have done, or will do, that may hurt me. I forgive the way you may lash out when you are hungry, I forgive the things you may say when you’re tired after a long day. I forgive the times you didn’t even know you upset me. I forgive your big mistakes and the small ones. I forgive you for not knowing what I needed when I thought you would, or even expected you to know. I forgive you when you fall short, because I see how hard you are trying. I forgive you the way I hope you’ll forgive me because I know neither of us our perfect. 

2. “I’ll sacrifice for you.”
I’ll sacrifice my time for you. I’ll be selfless for you. I’ll stay up late with you as you learn to care for our new baby, even though I have work in the morning. I’ll hold you when you’re sick. When you are weak, I will be your strength. I’ll be there for you at 3am as readily as I would at 7pm. I’ll be there when no one else is, and I’ll be there 100%. In sickness and in health, my willingness to be there won’t change. My sacrifice is not dependent on your state of being, but rather it is there because you exist and you are someone worth sacrificing for.

3. “I respect you.”
I respect you for who you are, and not for what I feel you deserve. I respect you because you deserve my respect, not because you earned it. I’ll respect your opinions and consider your feelings. I’ll treat you like a person with your own thoughts, hopes, dreams and desires. And those thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires will matter to me the way they matter to you.

4. “I’ll support you.”
I’ll support your hopes and your dreams. I will always have your back. You can rely on me. I’ll raise you up and never tear you down. I’ll always make sure you have what you need, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I’ll lift you back up when you fall. 

5. “I’ll protect you.”
I’ll protect you from harm. I’ll protect your heart from pain. I’ll protect the idea of us. I won’t demean you. I’ll treasure you and shield you from evil, bad and ugly. I won’t let others put you down. You will be safe in my arms, safe in my hands and safe in my heart. I’ll be your safe haven, your safety net, and someone you can always trust.

6. “I’m committed to you.”
I won’t leave you. I will be here for you again and again. I’ll make this work a priority in my life. I’ll look back on our beginning, I’ll work on our now and I’ll look forward to our future because we are something that I want to last forever. 

Some may argue that if you love someone, all these things will be part of that love. That someone who loves you automatically sacrifices for you, respects you, forgives you, supports you, protects you and is committed to you.

In an ideal, perfect world, I truly believe that all these attributes come together as one and are expressed through pure and unconditional charity. It is a trait we should all strive to develop. But from my experience, we are human, and we fall short of this perfection — even towards those we love.

If true love was all that we needed, love wouldn’t be so hard and relationships wouldn’t fall apart so easy.

The truth is there are lot of people you can love, but very few relationships that you can make last forever. That’s why a person is capable of loving someone more than life, but knowing deep inside that it would never work. That is why people are capable of walking away from those they love. That is why someone can give up a life full of love for a single moment of weak and selfish pleasure. That is why people lie, steal and cheat to, from and on those they love. 

I have loved a lot of people, but I am not with those people. I am with the man who gave me more than love. I am with the man who looked past my mistakes. I am with the man who sacrificed for me. I am with a man who honors and respects me. I am with a man who takes care of me in more ways than one. I am with someone who makes me feel safe and secure. I am with someone who I know will love me through the thick and the thin, who hasn’t left nor will leave me when time are tough.

7 DEADLY SINS THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

4 warning signs that reflect the deterioration of a relationship: escalation of negativity, invalidation, negative interpretation and avoidance and withdrawal. These are the first 4 deadly sins that will destroy your marriage.

1. Escalation

When a conversation about doing the dishes ends with the topic of divorce, you experience escalation. Escalation will destroy your marriage; it creates an environment that feeds criticism and complaint. Escalation can happen quickly or over a period of time. If you find yourself entangled in rising tensions with your spouse, acknowledge that you need to put your conversation on pause and set up a time later in the day to discuss the issue. Repeat this process until you can have a conversation that you do not have to reschedule because of escalation.

2. Invalidation

When you never feel good enough, and your spouse does not seem to understand you, it may be because of invalidation. Invalidation manifests itself when you feel like you never get to explain yourself, when you are constantly cut off and when you feel like your opinion does not matter. This is a dangerous path because we all want to feel understood. If you constantly invalidate your spouse, he may be tempted to find someone who values and respects him, which in turn will lead to a host of other sins not discussed here.

3. Negative interpretation

You call your spouse at lunch and he doesn't answer, so you immediately begin to think that he is having lunch with another woman. A deployed soldier calls home and his wife doesn't answer the phone; he immediately thinks that she is cheating on him. When neutral or even positive things are said or done and a spouse quickly interprets the action as negative, a feeling of fear can permeate your home. Your spouse may be afraid to say or do anything kind or loving out of fear that the action will be taken as an act of war. A relationship where a spouse is guilty of negative interpretation will not last long. To overcome this, always assume that each word and action of your spouse has the best of intentions.

4. Withdrawal

Traditionally, guys are most guilty of withdrawal. Avoiding your spouse or a certain conversation with your spouse can become a permanent problem. Your desire to withdraw and avoid your spouse may be because you are trying to avoid another one of the seven deadly sins that will destroy your marriage. Here are a few ways that will help you to steer clear of withdrawal.

The last three of the seven deadly sins that will destroy your marriage include saying "no" to your spouse, mind reading and emotional cheating. Each of these sins is as equally deadly as the first four and will have a destructive influence on your relationship.

5. Saying "no"

Humility, love and trust are needed to be brave enough to never say "no" to your spouse. Selfishness will always be revealed as the main reason a person says "no" to her partner. Develop the habit of saying "yes" to every request of your spouse to combat the deadly sin of saying "no." As you and your spouse mutually adopt this philosophy into your marriage, the love and excitement in your relationship will grow deeper and more meaningful.

6. Mind Reading

The opposite of communication is mind reading. Assuming what your spouse is thinking and feeling can have dangerous consequences for your marriage, especially if you combine this with negative interpretation. Mind reading happens when you incorrectly guess the thoughts and feelings of your spouse. A mind reader will believe his guess is correct and act on that belief without consulting his partner. To combat mind reading, talk with each other. If you have a question, ask. If you want your spouse to do something, ask. If you want your spouse to know something, tell him. Communication is the cure for a mind reader.

7. Emotional cheating

If you find yourself sharing your hopes and dreams with someone other than your spouse you may be on the path of infidelity. Some of the other flags include, dressing up for that person, looking for opportunities to spend time together, saying or doing things that you would never say and do in front of your spouse, talking about the challenges in your marriage, wanting all your communication to be secret and you start feeling dependant on the time you get to spend with that person. The best way to avoid these types of affairs is to never be alone with a member of the opposite sex.

Each of the 7 deadly sins that will destroy your marriage continuously seek to infiltrate your relationship. Understanding what these sins are and making plans to combat them will save you the pain and sorrow that will come into your life with these sins. Do not allow escalation, invalidation, negative interpretation, withdrawal, saying "no", mind reading or emotional cheating to erode your marriage. Discuss each of these sins with your spouse and make a plan to eliminate any of them from your marriage.

DON’T LET PRIDE BE YOUR GUIDE

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3 NIV)

Every conflict that you go through in a relationship has an element of pride mixed into it. What is the middle letter of the word “pride”? I. What’s the middle letter of the word “crime”? I. What’s the middle letter of the word “sin”? I.

We have an “I” problem! “I” want what “I” want and “I” want it now, and that causes all kinds of problems. In any relationship, never let pride be your guide, because pride is the root of every other sin.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (NIV). Paul says that there are two conflict-creating kinds of pride. One of them is selfish ambition and the other is vain conceit. Selfish ambition says, “It’s all about me” and vain conceit means, “I’m always right.”

Selfish ambition causes all kinds of problems. James 3:16 says, “Where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” When you find confusion at your workplace, your church, your home, in your marriage, and even in the government, you can know that selfish ambition and jealousy are causing it.

Vain conceit is the attitude that you are always right. The Living Bible translation of Philippians 2:3 says, “Don’t live to make a good impression on others.” We do this in every area of our lives, but especially on social media. It’s a great temptation to make yourself look better on the Internet than you are.

In Galatians, Paul lists about 17 effects of living with pride. He says when we live a self-centered life, it shows up in all kinds of ways. He starts off by saying things like self-indulgence shows up in sexual immorality and wild partying and getting drunk. You would expect those things.

But most of the things on the list are actually relational sins. Galatians 5:19-21 says, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear ... quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy.... Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (NLT).

If you want to be happy in your relationships, you’ve got to have harmony. And if you’re going to have harmony, you’ve got to have humility. Never let pride be your guide.