HOW TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY

"Love is unconditional when it endures despite unfavourable circumstances.“

People have a hard enough time figuring out what love is, and then there’s unconditional love, which some will argue is the only kind of real love.

Think of love as an action, not a feeling. A feeling is something we get from someone, and when we stop getting it, we often change our behaviour somehow. If we have to do something, or be a certain way, in order to receive love, that love is conditional. Instead, if you start thinking of love as the behaviour itself, the reward becomes the feeling you get when you act a certain way, not when someone else acts a certain way. And you can continue acting this way all the time, regardless of how other people behave–it becomes an act of generosity. Love is not love except when it is generous. Feelings can not last, but you can renew them continuously with new actions.

Always ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment? Love isn’t really one size fits all; what might be a loving act toward one person could be harmful to another person, in that it doesn’t help them get closer to becoming a truly happy human being. Unconditional love is a new decision you need to make in every situation, not a hard and fast rule you can apply to everyone all the time.

Remember that love doesn’t mean making sure someone is always comfortable. If you believe loving someone is about fostering their growth, most people acknowledge that pain and discomfort are part of growth, and if you shield someone from all pain or discomfort, you are not loving them. So, don’t confuse loving someone with blindly making them comfortable, satisfying their desires, and shielding them from any kind of pain. If you do, you are only making it difficult for them to grow as human beings.

Consider that if love is unconditional, it is given to everyone freely, including yourself. Another reason the previous step is important is because if you don’t follow it, you’re well on your way to becoming a people pleaser, which means you are not being unconditionally loving to yourself. Instead, recognize the times when doing what is best for you will occasionally have you out of sync with another.

Forgive. Even if someone doesn’t apologize, it’s inherently loving to both them and yourself to let go of your anger and resentment toward them. Keep in mind that forgiving is not something we do, but something we are! Again, don’t mistake being willing to forgive for letting people walk all over you. How you act(lovingly) toward the person will vary, but your ability to practice unconditional love will be clouded if you hold on to negative feelings.

Allow yourself to reap the benefits. If you’ve ever had a moment when you practiced unconditional love, whether spontaneously or deliberately, you probably felt energized and liberated, not drained and burdened. The more often you feel the the former after acting a certain way, the more you’re loving unconditionally.

ALCOHOL IN THE BIBLE, 75 POINTS

NO DRUNKARD SHALL INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD 1 COR 6,10.

1) Genesis 9:20-26 - Noah became drunk; the result was immorality and family trouble.

2) Genesis 19:30-38 - Lot was so drunk he did not know what he was doing; this led to immorality

3) Leviticus 10:9-11 - God commanded priests not to drink so that they could tell the difference between the holy and the unholy.

4) Numbers 6:3 - The Nazarites were told to eat or drink nothing from the grape vine.

5) Deuteronomy 21:20 - A drunken son was stubborn and rebellious.

6) Deuteronomy 29:5-6 - God gave no grape juice to Israel nor did they have intoxicating drink in the wilderness.

7) Deuteronomy 32:33 - Intoxicating wine is like the poison of serpents, the cruel venom of asps.

8) Judges 13:4, 7, 14 - Samson was to be a Nazarite for life. His mother was told not to drink wine or strong drink.

9) 1 Samuel 1:14-15 - Accused, Hannah said she drank no wine.

10) 1 Samuel 25:32-38 - Nabal died after a drunken spree.

11) 2 Samuel 11:13 - By getting Uriah drunk, David hoped to cover his sin.

12) 2 Samuel 13:28-29 - Amnon was drunk when he was killed.

13) 1 Kings 16:8-10 - The king was drinking himself into drunkenness when he was assassinated

14) 1 Kings 20:12-21 - Ben-Hadad and 32 other kings were drinking when they were attacked and defeated by the Israelites.

15) Esther 1:5-12 - The king gave each one all the drink he wanted. The king was intoxicated when he commanded the queen to come.

16) Psalm 75:8 - The Lord’s anger is pictured as mixed wine poured out and drunk by the wicked.

17) Proverbs 4:17 - Alcoholic drink is called the wine of violence.

18) Proverbs 20:1 - Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging.

19) Proverbs 23:19-20 - A wise person will not be among the drinkers of alcoholic beverages.

20) Proverbs 23:21 - Drunkenness causes poverty.

21) Proverbs 23:29-30 - Drinking causes woe, sorrow, fighting, babbling, wounds without cause and red eyes.

22) Proverbs 23:31 - God instructs not to look at intoxicating drinks.

23) Proverbs 23:32 - Alcoholic drinks bite like a serpent, sting like an adder.

24) Proverbs 23:33 - Alcohol causes the drinker to have strange and adulterous thoughts, produces willfulness, and prevents reformation.

25) Proverbs 23:34 - Alcohol makes the drinker unstable

26) Proverbs 23:35 - Alcohol makes the drinker insensitive to pain so he does not perceive it as a warning. Alcohol is habit forming.

27) Proverb 31:4-5 - Kings, Princes, and others who rule and judge must not drink alcohol. Alcohol perverts good judgment.

28) Proverbs 31:6-7 - Strong drink could be given to those about to perish or those in pain. Better anesthetics are available today.

29) Ecclesiastes 2:3 - The king tried everything, including intoxicating drink, to see if it satisfied. It did not. (Ecclesiastes 12:8)

30) Ecclesiastes 10:17 - A land is blessed when its leaders do not drink.

31) Isaiah 5:11-12 - Woe to those who get up early to drink and stay up late at night to get drunk.

32) Isaiah 5:22 - Woe to "champion" drinkers and "experts" at mixing drinks.

33) Isaiah 19:14 - Drunken men stagger in their vomit.

34) Isaiah 22:12-13 - The Israelites choose to drink; their future looks hopeless to them.

35) Isaiah 24:9 - Drinkers cannot escape the consequences when God judges.

36) Isaiah 28:1 - God pronounces woe on the drunkards of Ephraim.

37) Isaiah 28:3 - Proud drunkards shall be trodden down.

38) Isaiah 28:7 - Priests and prophets stagger and reel from beer and wine, err in vision, and stumble in judgment.

39) Isaiah 28:8 - Drinkers’ tables are covered with vomit and filth.

40) Isaiah 56:9-12 - Drinkers seek their own gain and expect tomorrow to be just like today.

41) Jeremiah 35:2-14 - The Rechabites drank no grape juice or intoxicating wine and were blessed.

42) Ezekiel 44:21 - Again God instructed the priests not to drink wine.

43) Daniel 1:5-17 - Daniel refused the king’s intoxicating wine and was blessed for it along with his abstaining friends.

44) Daniel 5:1 - Belshazzar, ruler of Babylon; led his people in drinking.

45) Daniel 5:2-3 - The king, along with his nobles, wives, and concubines, drank from the goblets which had been taken from God’s temple.

46) Daniel 5:4 - Drinking wine was combined with praising false gods.

47) Daniel 5:23 - God sent word to Belshazzar that punishment would be swift for the evil he had committed.

48) Hosea 4:11 - Intoxicating wine takes away intelligence.

49) Hosea 7:5 - God reproves princes for drinking.

50) Joel 1:5 - Drunkards awake to see God’s judgment.

51) Joel 3:3 - The enemy is judged for selling girls for wine.

52) Amos 2:8 - Unrighteous acts of Israel included the drinking of wine which had been taken for the payment of fines.

53) Amos 2:12 - Israel is condemned for forcing Nazarites to drink wine.

54) Micah 2:11 - Israelites are eager to follow false teachers who prophesy plenty of intoxicating drinks.

55) Nahum 1:10 - The drunkards of Nineveh will be destroyed by God.

56) Habakkuk 2:5 - A man is betrayed by wine.

57) Habakkuk 2:15 - Woe to him that gives his neighbor drink.

58) Habakkuk 2:16 - Drinking leads to shame.

59) Matthew 24:48-51 - A drinking servant is unprepared for his Lord’s return.

60) Luke 1:15 - John the Baptist drank neither grape juice nor wine.

61) Luke 12:45 - Christ warned against drunkenness.

62) Luke 21:34 - Drunkenness will cause a person not to be ready for the Lord’s return.

63) Romans 13:13 - Do not walk in drunkenness or immorality.

64) Romans 14:21 - Do not do anything that will hurt your testimony as a believer.

65) 1 Corinthians 5:11 - If a Christian brother is a drinker, do not associate with him.

66) 1 Corinthians 6:10 - Drunkards will not inherit the kingdom of God

67) Galatians 5:21 - Acts of the sinful nature, such as drunkenness, will prohibit a person from inheriting the kingdom of God.

68) Ephesians 5:18 - In contrast to being drunk with wine, the believer is to be filled with the Spirit.

69) 1 Thessalonians 5:6-7 - Christians are to be alert and self-controlled, belonging to the day. Drunkards belong to the night and darkness.

70) 1 Timothy 3:2-3 - Bishops (elders) are to be temperate, sober, and not near any wine.

71) 1 Timothy 3:8 - Deacons are to be worthy of respect and not drinkers.

72) 1 Timothy 3:11 - Deacons’ wives are to be temperate and sober.

73) Titus 1:7-8 - An overseer is to be disciplined.

74) Titus 2:2-3 - The older men and older women of the church are to be temperate and not addicted to wine.

75) 1 Peter 4:3-4 - The past life of drunkenness and carousing has no place in the Christian’s life.amen

WHAT A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW about BIRTH CONTROL

“The Pill”

Ethical Concerns: When the Pill works by preventing implantation of a recently conceived embryo, it produces an early abortion.2

Medical side effects: In 2005, the World Health Organization officially classified oral contraceptives as Group I carcinogens (Group I being the most dangerous from Groups I-IV).3 A year later, a comprehensive meta-analysis published in the Mayo Clinic Proceedings, noted that 21 out of 23 studies found an increased risk of developing premenopausal breast cancer women who had taken the Pill prior to the birth of their first child. Overall this group of women experienced a 44% increased risk in developing breast cancer prior to age 50.4 Other side effects that women have experienced include high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke, heart attack, depression, weight gain, and migraines.5 Some women who stop taking the Pill do not have a return of their fertility (menstrual cycles) for a year, or even longer.6 Although the Pill decreases the risk of ovarian and uterine cancer, it increases breast, liver, and cervical cancer.7 At least three studies have noted that the AIDS virus is transmitted more easily to women who are taking the Pill if their partner(s) have the AIDS virus.8.9.10

“The Shot”

Commonly known as “the Shot,” Depo-Provera, a long acting progestin hormone, is injected into a woman’s muscle every three months. It works by decreasing ovulation, by inhibiting sperm transport and by changing the lining of a woman’s uterus.11

Ethical concerns: By changing the lining of the uterus, Depo-Provera can cause an early abortion when conception does occur.

Medical side effects: The results of two major world studies have shown that women who take Depo-Provera for two years or more before age 25 have at least a 190% increased risk of developing breast cancer.12 In addition, Depo-Provera may reduce a woman’s bone density,13 and worsen her cholesterol level.14 One study found that women who had received injectable progestins (i.e., usually Depo-Provera or norethisterone enanthate) for at least five years suffered a 430% increased risk of developing cervical cancer.15 Several studies have shown that women who receive injectable progestins have a much higher rate of contracting the AIDS virus if their partner is infected, with one study showing a 240% increased risk.16

Other Hormonal Contraceptives

The same artificial hormones used in the Pill and Depo-Provera are packaged in a variety of other delivery systems: the Patch, the “Morning after Pill,” the monthly injection Lunelle, hormone impregnated IUDs and vaginal inserts, and others. More are in development. Most are so new that their side effects have not been well researched. They use the same hormones as the Pill and can be expected to have generally the same cancer-producing risks. All the hormonal contraceptives can also cause extended periods of unintended infertility after they are discontinued.17

Barrier Methods:The Condom and the Diaphragm

The condom and diaphragm are latex devices used to prevent sperm from reaching the ovum, thus preventing fertilization.

Medical side effects: The condom has a failure rate for avoiding pregnancy that is estimated to be between 10-30%.18,19 There are several reasons: breakage or slippage during use, manufacturing defects, and defects caused by shipping and storage in a hot or very cold place. A comprehensive review of condom effectiveness in preventing sexually transmitted diseases, sponsored by the US National Institutes of Health, published in 2001, concluded that use of condoms reduces, but does not eliminatetransmission of the AIDS virus to men and women and of gonorrhea to men. The review also concluded that condoms have no proven effectiveness in reducing the transmission of any other STD.20 At least one study has noted that women who use barrier methods such as the diaphragm or condom, or the withdrawal method, had a 137% increased risk of developing preeclampsia.21 Preeclampsia, a complication occurring in some pregnant women, is a syndrome of high blood pressure, fluid retention, and kidney damage, which may eventually lead to prolonged seizures and/or coma. It is theorized that exposure to the male’s sperm plays a protective role against preeclampsia.

Spermicides

A spermicide is an agent that is designed to kill the man’s sperm and is often sold as a gel or as an ingredient in the vaginal sponge.

Medical side effects: Toxic Shock Syndrome has been associated with the spermicide sponge.22 One researcher has noted that couples who have used certain spermicides within a month of conception have experienced a doubling in the rate of birth defects, as well as a doubling of the rate of miscarriage.23

The IUD (Intrauterine Device)

This is a T-shaped device made of hard plastic. It may also contain copper or progestin hormones. A doctor inserts it into a woman’s uterus. It works by irritating the lining of the uterus and obstructing sperm transport.

Ethical concerns: When conception occurs with an IUD in place, the IUD can prevent implantation, thus causing an early abortion.24

Medical side effects: These include uterine perforation, which may lead to a hysterectomy, and infections, such as a pelvic or tubo-ovarian abscess. Use of all IUDs has been associated with an increased incidence of PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease).25 The IUD may occasionally result in pregnancy and if this were to occur, an ectopic pregnancy would be more likely to occur. An ectopic pregnancy is one in which the unborn child implants himself/ herself in a location other than in the mother’s uterus, usually in the fallopian tube. According to Rossing and Daling, two prominent researchers, women who had used an IUD for three or more years were more than twice as likely to have a tubal pregnancy as women who had never used an IUD even years after the IUD had been removed.26 Ectopic pregnancy remains the leading cause of maternal death in the United States. The IUD may also cause back aches, cramping, dyspareunia (painful intercourse), dysmenorrhea (painful menstrual cycles), and infertility. 25

“Permanent” Sterilization:Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy

Surgical sterilization attempts to achieve permanent sterility by cutting, burning or tying a woman’s fallopian tubes (called “tubal ligation”) or a man’s vas deferens (called “vasectomy”).

Medical side effects: Tubal ligation does not always prevent conception. When conception does occur, it is associated with a much higher incidence of ectopic pregnancy,27 which, as was noted, is the leading cause of death in pregnant women. In addition, women who undergo the procedure may experience complications from the anesthesia or from surgery. Complications include bladder puncture, bleeding, and even cardiac arrest after inflation of the abdomen with carbon dioxide.28 Some women who have undergone a tubal ligation experience a syndrome of intermittent vaginal bleeding associated with severe cramping pain in the lower abdomen.29

About 50% of men who undergo a vasectomy will develop anti-sperm antibodies.30 In essence, their bodies will come to recognize their own sperm as “the enemy.” This could lead to a higher incidence of autoimmune disease. Several studies have noted that men who undergo a vasectomy have a higher incidence of developing prostate cancer, especially 15-20 years after their vasectomy, 31,32,33,34although one large study did not find a link.35 Also, some research evidence suggests that there is an association between vasectomy and a recently identified form of dementia, Primary Progressive Aphasia.36

Wise Options

The best option before marriage is abstinence. The obvious benefits include greater self-respect, freedom from the risk of sexually transmitted disease, as well as monetary savings and no chance of an unintended pregnancy. Within marriage it should be noted that an openness towards having children yields specific medical benefits. Every additional child a woman bears reduces her risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer by 5-10%. In addition, breast and ovarian cancer risks are reduced significantly in women who breast feed, with highest reductions in those women who breast-fed for the longest time intervals.37

NFP: Natural Family Planning

Natural Family Planning is a totally natural method by which couples can manage their fertility. In NFP a woman determines when she is either fertile or infertile by observing the consistency of her cervical mucus. The largest trial to date (about 20,000 Indian women)—sponsored by the WHO (World Health Organization)—found unintended pregnancy rate of less than 0.2%.38

Some obvious benefits of NFP are that it is virtually cost-free and there is no increased risk of cancer or other diseases associated with hormonal contraceptives. Couples who use NFP have a divorce rate that is less than 5%39 —far lower than the national rate of about 50%.

REFERENCES:

1 Guttmacher Institute, Facts on Contraceptive Use January 2008 retrieved from www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_contr_use.html. Aug. 7, 2008.

2 Larimore WL, Stanford JB. Postfertilization effects of oral contraceptives and their relationship to informed consent. Arch Fam Med. 2000; 9:126–133.

3 International Agency for Research on Cancer, Combined estrogen-progestogen contraceptives and combined estrogen-progestogen menopausal therapy. IARC Monographs on the Evaluation of Carcinogenic Risks to Humans. 2007; Vol 91. available at http://monographs.iarc.fr/ENG/Monographs/vol91/mono91-6E.pdf

4 Kahlenborn C, et al. “Oral Contraceptive Use as a Risk Factor for Premenopausal Breast Cancer: A Meta-analysis” Mayo Clinic Proceedings
The study re-enforces the classification of OCs as Type 1 carcinogens by the International Agency for Cancer Research (WHO).

5 Kahlenborn C. Breast Cancer, Its Link to Abortion and the Birth Control Pill, One More Soul. 2000, 229-231.

6 Hume K. Effects of contraceptive medication on the cervix. The Biology of the Cervix. Retrieved on Apr 11, 2008 from http://www.billings-ovulation-method.org/omrrca/bulletin/vol25/no2/effects.shtml. 

7 Overall cancer risk from several cancers due to oral contraceptive use: Kahlenborn C. Breast Cancer, Its Link to abortion and the Birth Control Pill, 2000. One More Soul, 2000, 228-229.

8 Allen S, et al. Human immunodeficiency virus infection in urban Rwanda. JAMA. 1991; 266:1657-1663.

9 Simonsen JN, et al. HIV infection among lower socioeconomic strata prostitutes in Nairobi. AIDS. 1990 Feb; 139-144.

10 10. Mali JKG, et al. Contraceptive use and the risk of HIV infection in Nairobi, Kenya. Inter J Gynaecol Obstet. 1995; 48(1):61-67.

11 The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada, Injection (Depo-Provera), retrieved from http://www.sexualityandu.ca/professionals/contraception-1-3.aspx September 27, 2008

12 Skegg DCG, et al. Depot medroxyprogesterone acetate and breast cancer: a pooled analysis of the World Health Organization and New Zealand studies. JAMA. 1995; 273(10):799-804.

13 Wooltorton E. Medroxyprogesterone acetate (Depo-Provera) and bone mineral density loss. CMAJ. 2005 Mar 15; 172(6):746. Epub 2005 Mar 2.

14 Mia AR, et al. Effects of prolonged use of injectable hormonal contraceptive on serum lipid profile. Mymensingh Med J. 2005 Jan; 14(1):19-21.

15 Herrero R, et al. Injectable contraceptives and risk of invasive cervical cancer: evidence of an association. Int J Cancer. 1990; 46(1):5-7.

16 Ungchusak K, et al. Determinants of HIV infection among female commercial sex workers in northeastern Thailand: results from a longitudinal study. J Acquir Immune Defic Syndr Hum Retrovirol. 1996. 12(5):500-507.

17 Hume, See #6 above. This paper refers specifically to oral contraceptives, Norplant, and progestagen impregnated pessaries. Because the findings relate to the action of contraceptive hormones, they may be applied to any hormonal contraceptive.

THE INNER CONDITIONS OF HAPPINESS

The deeper you meditate and the more willingly you serve, the happier you will be.

 Learn to carry all the conditions of happiness within yourself by meditating and attuning your consciousness to the ever-existing, ever-conscious, ever-new Joy, which is God. Your happiness should never be subject to any outside influence. Whatever your environment is, don’t allow your inner peace to be touched by it.

 Real happiness can stand the challenge of all outer experiences. When you can bear the crucifixions of others’ wrongs against you and still return love and forgiveness; and when you can keep that divine inner peace intact despite all painful thrusts of outer circumstance, then you shall know this happiness.

 Be silent and calm [in meditation] every night for at least half an hour, preferably much longer, before you retire, and again in the morning before starting the day’s activity. This will produce an undaunted, unbreakable inner habit of happiness that will make you able to meet all the trying situations of the everyday battle of life. With that unchangeable happiness within, go about seeking to fulfill the demands of your daily needs

 The more you depend upon conditions outside yourself for happiness, the less happiness you will experience.

 If you think that you can live happily in forgetfulness of God, you are mistaken, because you will cry out in loneliness again and again until you realize that God is all in all the only reality in the universe. You are made in His image. You can never find lasting happiness in any thing because nothing is complete except God.

 The unalloyed happiness I find in communion with the Lord no words can describe. Night and day I am in a state of joy. That joy is God. To know Him is to perform the funeral rites for all your sorrows. He does not require you to be stoic and morose. This is not the right concept of God, nor the way to please Him. Without being happy you will not even be able to find Him....The happier you are, the greater will be your attunement with Him. Those who know Him are always happy, because God is joy itself.

FORGIVINESS

These are the five things I wanted to tell you about forgiving somebody who wronged you.

1.  Forgiving is the only way to be fair to yourself after someone hurts you unfairly.

2.  Forgivers are not doormats; they do not have to tolerate the bad things that they forgive.

3.  Forgivers are not fools; they forgive and heal themselves, but they do not have to go back for      more  abuse.

4.  We donít have to wait until the other person repents before we forgive him or her and heal      ourselves.

5.  Forgiving is a journey. For us, it takes time, so be patient and donít get discouraged if you      backslide have to do it over again.

And remember this: The first person who gets the benefit of forgiving is always the person who does the forgiving. When you forgive a person who wronged you, you set a prisoner free, and then you discover that the prisoner you set free is you. When you forgive, you walk hand in hand with the very God who forgives you everything for the sake of his Son. When you forgive, you heal the hurts you never should have felt in the first place. So if you have been hurt and feel miserable about it, our Lord himself recommends forgiving as the only way to healing.

I hope that you will try it for yourself.